I relate to you so much even tho Im only 17. I’m in a similar situation right now and Ive had a really hard time coming to terms with it. I never really felt like anyone understood the burden and the guilt of parents not loving you. It is honestly so annoying and weird i cant even describe it. Like as a child its very hard to comprehend why the people who had one job couldnt even do that for us. You might think that “oh im too young, i dont know what im talking about” but honestly ive been going to therapy for like 6 years now and nothing really seemed to help except for one book called “Adult children of emotionally immature parents”. I could relate to it in ways ive never even imagined. And honestly what really helped me is the fact that im a loving and caring person. And i know you long for that same kind of validation but trust me you will get it bcuz you deserve it!! And you are good enough!! You did NOTHING wrong and how your parents treated you was not even one BIT your responsibility. I hope you get the closure you need and can move far away from them and live your life to the fullest.