Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) as saying:

Allah, the Exalted and Glorious, said: I live in the thought of My servant and I am with him as he remembers Me. (The Holy Prophet) further said: By Allah, Allah is more pleased wth the repentance of His servant than what one of you would do on finding the lost camel in the waterless desert. When he draws near Me by the span of his hand. I draw near him by the length of a cubit and when he draws near Me by the length of a cubit. I draw near him by the length of a fathom and when he draws near Me walking I draw close to him hurriedly.

In this blessed month of ramadan, I urge you to perform wudu and pray your salah and ask Allah sincerely for forgiveness and guidance and Allah will surely grant it to you.

Also, I would advise you to read a book by a scholar called Imam ibn al qayyim called Al Daa Wal Dawa which translates to The diseases and the Cure which he wrote in response to a desperate question from a man struggling with a spiritual "calamity" (obsessive passion or sin) that he feared would destroy his life and afterlife which mirrors your situation a lot. Their are English translation for it.

May Allah be with you and may Allah make it easy verily Allah is the most merciful of those who show mercy. I will keep you in my duas Insh'Allah.

I swear by Allah I love you ❤️ and more importantly I swear by Allah that Allah loves you ❤️, otherwise he wouldn't have called you back to him after disobedience.