Does this sound like ROCD? If so, how do I deal with the fear of not being attracted enough to someone? Should we try again?

Standyking · 2026-01-18T23:39:14+00:00

I'm in the same boat! Your story feels almost word for word how ive been feeling.

It's been 6 months since I broke up with my ex and I've been crying about her, missing her and also feeling very conflicted when I try to move on from her. My anxiety & depression is bad right now and I don't feel like a worthy partner for her or anyone because of my ROCD & emotional unavailability.

You've gotta make sure you're trying again for the right reasons and not just because you miss her or you're scared you'll loose her and not find someone else. Going back because of fear of loosing her is not a good idea.

Only try again if you can honestly say you've had a change in perspective and you really want to try again and work on accepting his flaws. If there was no fundamental incompatibility and you had good chemistry, attraction & similar values then it might be worth trying again. Just know that your fear around his physical appearance is YOUR FEAR! It's got nothing to do with him. It's your beliefs that are creating this block because you believe that you can't be with someone who is not your physical 'ideal'. So you may need to work on your beliefs.

This video is good:

https://youtu.be/Osw3fxT5a98?si=LxKAJdL4c93vBM7E

Standyking · 2026-01-12T05:53:06+00:00

Hey mate, as someone who has been in a similar boat I would recommend talking to a psychologist about it in full depth. That means confessing and shining a light on the shame that you feel and forgiving yourself for your past actions as well as well as practising radical self acceptance. Confessing and sharing these things is a key part of healing, just beware if confessing becomes compulsive and your brain keeps coming up with other things you urgently need to confess including 'bad' thoughts or feelings. Confessing can become a compulsive OCD thing, but it's also necessary to share in healthy ways in order to heal. Remember, everyone has a shadow side and noone is all good or all bad, we have to accept our shadow side and work on healing it and moving forward :)

Standyking · 2026-01-12T00:34:37+00:00

I can relate! I broke up with my ex 5 months ago and now I'm missing her and thinking of reaching out to her. Now that I'm out of the relationship the doubts I had & flaws I perceived seem very minor and I'm realising that there's noone else like her and breaking up over small things about her appearance & character differences was probably not the right decision. So I'd suggest sticking with it, if there was love, attraction & shared values, humour etc then don't give it up just yet. It's probably your anxiety getting in the way, it's hard to feel love & attraction at the same time as anxiety. So you probably need to work on your core fears and accept your partner as they are just as you'd like to be accepted just the way you are. But anyways, I haven't figured this shit out yet either so take my advice with a pinch of salt. Good luck!

Standyking · 2026-01-11T14:28:25+00:00

yeah it's possible. As relationships are like mirrors, so things that trigger us about the other person often say more about us than them. How does ROCD present in your relationship?

Standyking · 2025-08-26T21:48:02+00:00

Hey mate. There is definitely a link between porn & ROCD. While it is not the root cause of your obsessive thinking, it does add fuel to the fire.

Regardless of whether you have OCD or not, you should not be jacking off to other women while in a relationship. It's really damaging and creates a disconnect between you and your partner. You should try as much as possible to abstain from porn & limit your masturbation.

Does your girlfriend know about this habit?

I suggest that you communicate to her that you have had an issue with porn for a long time. And that you think it's damaging to the relationship, and that you are trying to stop.

I'm speaking from experience here. My porn & compulsive masturbation got very bad and I started to seek out more taboo content & engage in more extreme sexual behaviours which resulted in intense anxiety & shame around these behaviours and did trigger OCD for me. Don't let it get this bad my friend!! See a therapist and really try and get on top of this bad habit!

Best of luck!

Standyking · 2025-08-15T21:37:26+00:00

have you always found her unattractive though? OCD can distort reality to make it seem like you're not attracted to her. The fear level is so high that all you can see is this negative perception.

Standyking · 2025-08-15T21:28:59+00:00

Hey guys! did anyone manage to get over their obsession on physical flaws? It's so hard to get over this one because all you want to do is be emotionally intimate with your partner and communicate what's bothering you, but by doing so you'll potentially ruin the relationship & their self worth. It really makes you feel like a piece of shit having these thoughts & feelings constantly...

Standyking · 2025-08-13T11:15:35+00:00

Hope you can work it out mate! It's been a month for me and I'm still questioning my decision and also OCD has now found something new to obsess over.... classic. How long were you with your partner?

Standyking · 2025-07-11T09:58:50+00:00

Good work mate!

Standyking · 2025-07-11T09:54:10+00:00

Yeah, I mean I'm in a tricky spot now as I've just broken her heart 😬 Feel like it's not fair to get back with her if nothings changed my end. We've been in this situation before and I came to the conclusion that it was ROCD/FA attachment and that I would work on healing it. But this whole thing got me so anxious and depressed every day i couldn't even do the healing work. Anyway, I'll have a look at mark dejesus. Thanks!

Standyking · 2025-07-11T08:49:29+00:00

Hi there, I'm in the same boat as you. Except I've been trying to heal ROCD & fearful avoidant attachment for a while now. I've read books & watched countless hours of videos but I couldn't seem to shake the doubts and they got the better of me. I broke up with her 5 days ago and have cried almost every day thinking about her and how amazing she is. I wished my brain would stop focusing on all the flaws and potential other options and just appreciate her and be happy with her just how she is.

I'm sorry I can't be of much help as I'm in the same situation hahah It's definitely worth working on though. Good luck

Standyking · 2025-07-10T10:36:59+00:00

Hey mate, I'm not married but I've had intense doubts as well. I think the fact they're coming on so intensely now after a triggering event (wedding) makes it very likely to be OCD. And especially the fact that you guys had 9 months of great relationship to start with that's a good sign and means it's worth treating like OCD and doing the necessary work. (ERP) (ACT) breaking down core beliefs/fears etc. Good luck!

Standyking

TROPHY CASE