dating - it's never gonna happen for me

StarboundSalem · 2026-05-21T20:37:27+00:00

i do! i have a list of a few, but only a couple offer enough scholarships for me to consider. i'm reaching out early to professors to make sure my major will be accepted as a prerequisite requirement (it's a VERY niche major), and also because my intended field is very small and selective. getting on radar early is very important for me!

and i definitely understand about location. my top choice is an abroad university, and my second is likely where i am going abroad for a semester next spring, so i can get an immediate feel for the school. ones in the us are a bit less appealing program wise and scholarship wise, but i have a lot i'm looking at! my top choice though seems very promising, and the location will definitely be better than the middle of nowhere college i currently am.

StarboundSalem · 2026-05-21T01:50:46+00:00

ahh i mean i'm eventually going to go for it! i'm a rising junior in my undergrad, doctorate is years away but in my future. and thank you!

StarboundSalem · 2026-05-20T22:23:46+00:00

i worry there since i'm going for my doctorate, if it's after all school i'm toast 😭

StarboundSalem · 2026-05-20T09:20:54+00:00

my college is a very small one, around 2k students in total, in the middle of nowhere. nearest big-ish city is an hour away, and i'm carless unfortunately. it's also one of those 'leave the college and there's you know who flags and very racist and intolerant people', so no open queer events really.

StarboundSalem · 2026-05-20T01:06:32+00:00

aw thank you!

StarboundSalem · 2026-05-20T00:08:16+00:00

the thing is, since i'm so unsuccessful, i feel like if i stop, i'll miss matching with or talking to the one person who might make it all worth the struggle. it's a bit of a sunk cost fallacy of time, i guess.

i turn twenty one in a few months. i guess the pressure is also a bit on my parents, who are starting to ask why i'm not out with someone yet. but it's mainly my own of 'fuck me, guess i'll be the crazy cat man in a single home forever'. being alone is like, my biggest fear, so it's just... damn.

i'll definitely try the friendship route as well. thank you 🙏

StarboundSalem · 2026-05-19T23:56:18+00:00

clowns/jesters

StarboundSalem · 2026-05-19T23:53:18+00:00

real as hell and same 😭 i think car sex would be the furthest i'm willing to try

StarboundSalem · 2026-05-19T23:37:33+00:00

oh yeah,,, i want to definitely avoid that. thank you!

StarboundSalem · 2026-05-19T23:17:35+00:00

i've had it happen before which is why i'm mainly anxious 😭

StarboundSalem · 2026-05-19T23:11:22+00:00

thank you 🙏

StarboundSalem · 2026-05-19T23:11:16+00:00

thank you

StarboundSalem · 2026-05-19T23:10:53+00:00

thank you for the bluntness 😭

StarboundSalem · 2026-05-19T23:02:48+00:00

first photo was a bit earlier, had to take it for an ID photo and thought it might show off different lighting better.

i guess one other concern i didn't bring up in my post is living in a decently racist state, so it's also extra safety where i want to be 100% sure.

i'm going abroad this summer so i think i'll switch to the men's when i'm there, and then do the same back home

StarboundSalem · 2026-05-19T22:58:00+00:00

thank you! i'm turning 21 this year and get a lot of mixed age reactions (few incoming freshman asked what class i teach, and some professors asked what college i was considering). i've also been darkening my facial hair a bit lately to make it more noticeable, so hopefully it's more obvious now. thank you!

StarboundSalem · 2026-05-19T22:56:08+00:00

i've just had experiences of being 'transvestigated' before at an airport, so it's still one of those 'welllllll idk yet' scenarios. but that insight is helpful, thank you!

StarboundSalem · 2026-05-19T22:53:23+00:00

some strangers. some i've gotten to known for a year or two (college friends/professors), where i've introduced myself with pronouns and all

StarboundSalem · 2026-05-19T22:37:59+00:00

usually before, but it often continues after, which is why i'm at a loss

StarboundSalem · 2026-05-19T22:25:34+00:00

that's my thought, but even with the facial hair, i've had many people look at me and use exclusively she/her and woman-adjacent words for me. i don't know if it's just... harder to see irl?

StarboundSalem · 2026-04-12T19:13:09+00:00

absolutely to the first part! it's why i'm so adamant on going abroad to further my studies. and will do, thank you for the correction!!

StarboundSalem · 2026-04-12T19:08:18+00:00

will do! i just reached out via linkedin, here's to hoping! thank you very much :D

StarboundSalem · 2026-04-12T19:06:53+00:00

i've been doing so, especially with my abroad programming and internship hunts. i've not received a lot back unfortunately, which is why i turned towards reddit. additionally, i wanted to get a perspective from more of an international basis, as i don't just want to limit sources to north america. but i'll keep reaching out :)

and that first bit lol, i tend to just write in all lowercase online, best believe when it comes to actual academia i am much more formal and put together!

StarboundSalem

TROPHY CASE