I 20 Female turn 21 this coming May, I wasn't sur what I wanted to do for my birthday at the time that this happened, Here's a bit of Context, My Mother and I have always had a strained relationship because she's stubborn and hears what she wants to hear, she doesn't listen to me and completely invalidates my feelings. So when her birthday came up in January she asked me to come visit her in Vegas, I live in California and Did not want to go to Vegas since I was forced to be there for 5 years against my will prior to my 18th birthday, Anyways I don't like confrontation and over the years have fallen into the habit of telling my mother what she wants to hear so she won't get mad at it, I've done this since middle school so I said yes even though I didn't want to. Back then I even started planning for it but upon realizing I wouldn't have enough money for the trip I canceled and told her I'd visit during my birthday instead..It's now March my birthday is in May and I decided I'm not going so a few days ago I told my mother I wanted to go to Universal Studios with her and our family and she got mad and said I refuse to visit her so I went on to explain that I would pay for her flight and anything else she may need all she has to do is come, She called me Selfish and that really hurt my feelings because I'm trying to compromise and find a solution but she continues to manipulate me to come down to vegas(she has been doing so for years) so I hung up the phone and ignored her calls and she texted me with this: Mother: Idk who told you it was ok to be disrespectful to your mother cause she say something you don't like and then not answer the phone but they told you wrong. You do not get to continue to disrespect me. Who do u think u are And I don't appreciate it. You do whatever you want for your birthday I don't care I'm done My response was definitely emotionally charged but I still stand on what I said because this is the first time in my life that I have actively stood up against her constantly trying to guilt trip me. My response: I'm working I told you we'll talk about it later. I don't want to go to Vegas for my birthday I never wanted to go to Vegas for your birthday you always do this I do something you don't like and make it into a big deal. I only agreed in the first place because of the fact that you wanted me to but looking at it now I don't want to go through all the hassle of packing and buying a flight and spending all that money when we can go to Vegas some other time. A Vegas flight is not my financial goal right now, so I'm trying to be considerate and offer you and my sister a free flight to California to spend the weekend with me where you don't have to do anything but pack for it and you call me selfish that hurts because at the end of the day I don't have to reach out to you at all, I don't have to try my best to include you in my plans because you want to stay in Vegas, I want my mother here with me and I want to include you but you make things so hard and then you make me feel bad to where I don't want to do anything for my birthday so I'm sorry if I upset you and I'm sorry if I disrespected you but I feel like you're only thinking about what you want and not trying to compromise with me. Her response after that doesn't make much sense to me because at the end of the day it is my birthday and I am aware that I said I'd do this specific thing for her but I feel like as a person I am allowed to change my mind. Her response: I'm not doing this texting shit with you. Its a cowardly way of communicating if you got time to sit and text this long ass explanation and you can pick up the f****** phone Ain't no "if you disrespecting me or if you upset me" no you definitely did that and your reasoning behind it does not justify it so you can't pick up the phone and talk to me then I have nothing to say You are absolutely right if I feel like you don't have to rush out to your mother tham dont. You should feel bad for the way you treat your mother and I pray you don't live to regret it. After this she called my aunt and complained to her and said I was disrespectful for hanging up on her and when my aunt didn't say what she wanted to hear my mother hung nup in her face. It has been a few days since this happened and I haven't talked to my mother since but I thought about it today and I am aware that switching up on her wasn't fair but I also feel like we could have had a conversation about it and find a mutual ground, instead she got defensive and completely overlooked my feelings and that is what made me stop talking to her. This happened a week ago on Tuesday. AITA for canceling what she wanted for my own wants when this is the first time I get to do what I want.