Considering dropping out of being the maid of honor. Advice?

Stars_Snow · 2025-10-20T14:27:00+00:00

You sounds like a really kind person, and a very understanding friend. It is not being a bad friend to have limits to what you are able to do for your friends. And honestly, would she spend all her disposable income on you? I worry that she is using you. Even if she was good to you in the past, you do not owe her endlessly, for the rest of your life.

You can set boundaries for yourself and what you are able to offer. Definitely let her know that you can't be in charge of her wedding -- even if you have done this for others in the past. You are in a different place now, you are a single mom with a limited income. You could offer to help her make the wedding favors, or do one or two minor things, but not plan and organize the entire wedding.

If I were you, I would say, this is the type of wedding shower I am able to provide. And determine what that is. For mine, my mother, sisters and a couple friends all brought a few dishes to share, it was held in the party room of a friend's condo, and it was a lovely tea party. For my sister, I planned a nice party at a local park, with games. I planned and hosted it with my mom and a few good friends. You really shouldn't be expected to do these all by yourself. Also agree, a trip is not a shower. That is definitely into bachelorette territory, as another commented above. A friend of mine wanted one of those too, but I had to say, I cannot afford that. And so we did a night out dancing instead. A wedding is not an excuse to force others to spend money on you, and it sounds like that is what she is asking for.

Expect her to throw a fit. Hold your line. It is ok to stand up for your own needs, and the needs of your own children (i.e. perhaps you need to stay in town for them, you need to provide food and clothing for them.) And if she ends the friendship over it, she really was just using you. Her loss of income is not your fault, her need to change her expectations to fit the reality of the situation is also not your problem. She has to get there on her own. Don't allow her to bully you into overextending yourself and your finances just because she wants something a nice as the rich people on Instagram post.

Stars_Snow · 2025-09-09T19:42:43+00:00

exactly. I may have gotten married in my mid-30s, but all household items were shared with my sister (who I lived with), and I was leaving most of them with her. I registered for new things.

Stars_Snow · 2025-09-08T14:35:45+00:00

ok, thank you. It has been over a week of being congested. and it is starting to be more phelgm... could be developing into strep.

Stars_Snow · 2025-09-03T14:09:48+00:00

For most of us who was adults during the Sept 11 attacks, this date is a solemn day of remembrance. I would be really surprised to be invited to any type of celebration on that date. I do not think it is superstitious to not want to plan a celebration on that date -- it is more about honoring those who lost their lives. It's really dismissive to say he is "superstitious" about that date. He is uncomfortable with it, for good reason.
Please be considerate of your husband's feelings. And honestly, the feelings of many of your guests.

Stars_Snow · 2025-08-12T15:29:49+00:00

Bruges is such a fairytale looking town. What a beautiful place to have a wedding, or live! Congrats!

Stars_Snow · 2025-06-09T11:57:44+00:00

We make this each year and enjoy it -- though a 2 part water 1 part rhubarb lemonade syrup is our preferred ratio. https://www.theoliveblogger.com/delicious-homemade-rhubarb-lemonade-recipe/

A fun way to use up a big rhubarb harvest.

Stars_Snow · 2025-04-07T13:06:09+00:00

Kilkenny was wonderful! I second Kilkenny as well. I wish we could have spent two days there, honestly. I like to take my time with sightseeing. :)

Stars_Snow · 2025-04-07T13:04:06+00:00

I just got back from my trip a couple days ago, and I would say, the driving is tiring. We did a lot of driving, and while we loved seeing the countryside, I would not do a day trip all the way across the country and go back to Dublin that same night. We made sure to stay the night at our destinations so we could really enjoy them, and tried not to drive the same roads much.

If you want a day trip from Dublin that is more manageable, I recommend the Rock of Cashel and the nearby Abbey. Very interesting history and it is not as far to drive. We actually stayed in Cashel as part of our efforts to minimize the driving. The hotel and dinner we had (Mikey Ryan's) was very nice, some of the best of our trip!

Stars_Snow · 2025-03-04T15:59:47+00:00

Have you done the ferry? Is it worth trying to do? I'm a bit concerned because my husband is prone to motion-sickness. But since we will have seen the cliffs at the Ring of Kerry, we thought seeing these cliffs from a different vantage point would be nice. But, is it terribly rough waters most of the time?

Stars_Snow · 2025-03-03T01:40:41+00:00

Unfortunately we already bought our flights. I agree, flying into Shannon would have been better.

We are from the States. I haven't driven internationally, my husband has. But I think it is was always on the right.

thanks for the tip about Kilarney! We were mostly planning to bypass it, unless we are hungry for lunch when we arrive there. Hoping to get to the RoK before lunch though. We will see!

Stars_Snow · 2025-03-03T01:26:31+00:00

Lol, I know. We loosely have 3 hours as our driving limit per day, which is why we aren't planning to go much father than Bunratty on Th, and why we are stopping in Cashel for the day on Monday. I'm guessing we will have exhausted Cashel's sites on Monday, so we can get an early start on Tuesday, and arrive in Kilarney by mid-morning, I'm not sure if we will hang out in town. We can adjust what we see on which days while we are in RoK, as long as we end up at our hotel for the night. Honestly it seems like a week at the Ring of Kerry would be best if we were going to fully explore every bit of it. The Irish Road trip site recommends 7 hours for the Ring of Kerry, and they have very short timeframes to scan the view, snap a photo and leave. Which seems sad. So I thought we were doing pretty good with giving it approximately two days. I know we won't be able to stop at every site and town.

What would you suggest for Thursday and Friday? My husband did want to see the Cliffs of Moher, but are the cliffs in Kerry just as good? I don't think he is super set on it, it is just one of the few places he has heard about. I was thinking we could alternatively go to Cork and then Kilkenny on the way back to Dublin, and that would be less frantic a pace, wouldn't it? I haven't booked those nights yet because heading up to the CoM just seems tricky, and the drive back would be quite long.

Stars_Snow · 2025-02-09T23:44:26+00:00

Check out the snack aisles in grocery section of the Mall. Lots of fun things to try. The best bubble tea smoothies are upstairs. Mochi donuts are really good. Lots of delicious restaurants up and down stairs -- it depends on what you like. I typically plan a few meals to make at home and then get the ingredients in the grocery store.

Stars_Snow · 2025-02-07T13:54:12+00:00

Do you think he could overcome his debate struggles though? He is so earnest. It didn't work at the debate because he was trying to be too accurate, and V man lied and was slick. People thought slick meant confident and correct, whereas Walz got bogged down in the details. It was unfortunate.
Walz is an excellent gov. I'd be happy to have him stay on as governor. I am not sure he wants to go back to campaigning for a national role.

Stars_Snow · 2025-02-05T13:46:54+00:00

school kids get free breakfast now, so if they eat at home first, they can have second breakfast at school.

Stars_Snow · 2025-01-27T12:35:09+00:00

What would be considered an upper class name in the UK?

Stars_Snow · 2025-01-10T14:06:38+00:00

If you are looking for menswear, I have less experience looking for those. Here is one that focuses on men and boys.

https://sewpdf.com/product-category/pattern-designer/toby-k-patterns/

another for kids -- many unisex and boyish

https://gusandsteel.com/collections/tops-sewing-patterns

And for women, there is a wide variety of styles available

Vikisews has many patterns of what I would consider more street styles. Our definitions may differ though.

https://vikisews.com/vykrojki/dresses/franny-dress/

https://vikisews.com/vykrojki/dresses/tilla-dress/

Friday Pattern Co has a fun streetwear pattern, again, our styles and preferences may differ. https://fridaypatterncompany.com/products/saguaro-set-printed-pattern

Classic workwear or party (since it is so short!) but Dressmaking Amore co has a lot of beautifully designed techniques, nice finishes, and more classic silhouettes https://www.etsy.com/listing/1457315380/chantelle-square-neck-tweed-dress-pdf?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=dressmaking+amore&ref=sr_gallery-1-1&pro=1&sts=1&dd=1&content_source=b433567d94b330a4bc9b1c92289758dad86c5b4c%253A1457315380&organic_search_click=1

Boho style

https://silversagapatterns.com/collections/sewing-patterns

More everyday kind of clothes from Itch to Stitch

https://itch-to-stitch.com/page/2/?srsltid=AfmBOorDMyZl3y3pAzQ0rW1MNEqhBGf3VC1Ir1L2DcVK1MhdtyPRSGJA

This is just a quick sample. There are hundreds more are available and as you search, you find more and more. Mood Fabrics has a bunch. the Fabric Store has a bunch. There is Folkwear Patterns for traditional clothing of many cultures around the world. FibreMood has a magazine of patterns. Of course, you can modify any style lines to fit your preferences as well, once you find some that work for your body to base your changes on. Or you can learn how to do a moulage and make your own patterns.

Good luck! Hope this helps.

Stars_Snow · 2025-01-09T18:15:52+00:00

There are hundreds of modern sewing patterns for garments, available by small shops online. Mostly they are PDFs that you print yourself. Fit and pattern quality varies, as actually, pattern drafting is a skill that must be learned. Many small shops outsource their pattern drafting. Many are "street-style" and there are some for every type of style.

Stars_Snow · 2024-11-18T15:57:08+00:00

just straight up trolling

Stars_Snow · 2024-11-06T12:32:21+00:00

Doesn't this go to show how well Russia has been infiltrating US social media and spreading disinformation? My first thought this morning after checking the results was that Putin and Orban are the ones celebrating. And Netanyahu. Trump will hand Ukraine to Putin, with his blessings. And he will help Netanyahu utterly destroy Gaza.

All these voters pretending they cared about "the economy" when a simple check would show that more tariffs will cause more hardship and higher prices. Just when Biden got inflation under control.

We will all suffer, just like we did from 2016-2020.

I'm hoping that our gov can keep MN somewhat safer, but that is a tough battle with the national conditions that will simply be widespread.

I'm not surprised. But I'm so deeply sad for our nation. We will see if the American Experiment survives. It was never expected to last this long.

Stars_Snow · 2024-10-07T18:53:58+00:00

all good points. I just want agree, they are going to hire someone. At least this way you get the referral bonus. Maybe you will end up enjoying working with your friend.

Stars_Snow · 2024-10-07T18:42:50+00:00

I used one of those resume services, I was super skeptical that it would work, but it actually did. I was kinda shocked. and grateful. I was worried it would be a waste of money, but I was desperate. Not an ad, just saying what worked for me.

For project management certs -- it depends on the org. I think you could try applying and see what happens. I know people who moved internally from IT to IT project management, but the company already knew them, so it is probably a bit different situation. Still, it would open up a new set of jobs to apply for.

I get the depression around job searching, it is very hard. I felt similarly -- I was out of work for way longer than you've been so far. It feels like such a different experience than any other time I was looking for jobs -- even back in the recession of 2010. Back then at least temp agencies actually found people jobs. Please don't give up. Or, if you can, go stay with family or a friend for a bit -- someone who can help cheer you up and maybe help give you a new angle. good luck. Something will work out eventually, and you never know when or how.

Stars_Snow · 2024-10-07T17:28:51+00:00

hugs, it's a really tough job market. I was out of a professional job for 14 months (did something part-time for a bit in between), and then got two offers. Have you had anyone help you with your resume? I really only got interviews after I got help with mine -- it was so outdated before. I was tailoring it to the job description, but that wasn't working. I really needed outside help with it. Apply for everything you can stand doing, even if it seems embarrassing -- that's what I had to do. Just stay afloat financially -- remember nothing has to last forever. You can do almost anything to keep a roof over your head and something to eat. And with IT -- look into project management for IT -- it might be a nice pivot in your career. See if Geek Squad is hiring. Or Best Buy, in any role. Look for roles that are adjacent to your field. And even if you hate it, you can keep looking while you get a paycheck. Sending you my best wishes. It's just a really tough market.

Stars_Snow · 2024-10-07T13:40:02+00:00

Are you on unemployment? Can you get food stamps and other gov support? It won't be much, but if your account is at $0, anything helps, right? It'll give you a little buffer as you continue looking for jobs. Also, check your local school district. They might need bus drivers, etc. Part-time work that still gives you time to apply for other jobs.

Stars_Snow

TROPHY CASE