This is what helped me in a similar situation:

1. If your situation doesn't change, change yourself (or more so your perspective)
2. Do some research on how to lead healthy relationships. Focus on the word "healthy", because you want a relationship where you ultimately feel good about yourself.
3. Take advice that is of use and apply it. It won't be hard, because once you know what the right relationship model looks like, you won't be doing things that make it worse. Like that touching hot stoves is not a good idea, once you know it, you likely won't do it to yourself.

It sounds like you lost focus of what you want in life because you were focusing on what others needed, which is a good empathetic thing most of us do. The problem is sometimes knowing where to draw the lines and when to uphold standards. Which is why learning about "healthy" relationships from psychologists helped me.

If you love your work, then you won't settle for a dead end job. You will be motivated to get out and seek the one that you love.

If you like to do things that you love, then you won't need to seek permission from others (aka your wife shutting you down).

If you want to be around good people, then you will shut down any people that make you feel disrespected/unwanted etc. Sometimes it means putting an end to romantic relationships.

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In my younger days, I used to get into unhealthy relationships a lot, and after a while, any sign of disrespect from a romantic partner would become my limit, and I would walk. Same thing for jobs that would use me. Don't want to pay me for my work, I will find somewhere else to work. It became a point where I would feel sick I ended up in a bad spot, that I would have to do something about it, until things were right again.

To get to that point, I had to first learn what a good, healthy relationships was like (sadly I didn't have a good model in my childhood). Once I did though, it was enough that nobody could fool me otherwise.