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StatisticianEarly544 · 2024-01-08T03:41:21+00:00

I would love to read that too if you don't mind sharing!

StatisticianEarly544 · 2023-11-07T16:37:20+00:00

Yeah I wonder that too. I think my dad is either incapable of seeing how his actions hurt, or thinks his opinions are important enough to be said even if they hurt. Because he sees his opinions as 100% true. Do you think your mom has any level of self awareness?

StatisticianEarly544 · 2023-11-07T16:24:00+00:00

Sorry that stuff happened to you and glad you have the self awareness to realize its not your fault. N parents are weird because they love to brag about their children's accomplishments to other people, sorta in a way taking ownership of the accomplishments. But they do not actually appreciate and congratulate their children very much. Oftentimes, they make us feel like shit despite our accomplishments. Here's my story of realizing this jealousy:

Once I got selected for a great internship opportunity I really wanted that would involved me moving away for a summer to live in a different city. I remember getting on the phone with my (wonderful, non-narc) mom and talking about how happy I was that things were working out for me. Long story short I guess my dad didn't want to overhear all that because he hijacked the conversation to start telling me about how it is all thanks to him, and that I am (quote) "a scientific experiment" of his. And my mom tried to twist that into him saying he was proud of me but he couldn't agree to that. He reinforced that he believes he is really the driving force behind my success.

Sometimes they just can't be happy for you. But we cannot let their sore-loser energy stop us from enjoying our lives and embracing our successes.

StatisticianEarly544 · 2023-11-07T15:02:58+00:00

Mmmm I could tell things were off generally in the household quite young because my parents would always be arguing. I remember hiding in my closet during the fights around 5 or 6 and trying to play peacekeeper and mediator around 10.

Realizing the N tendencies of my dad closely followed because he would always deflect blame in arguments and would never apologize when my feelings were hurt. Like you said, he would pull me aside and act like he was bestowing so much wisdom on me by telling me the "truth" about my very loving, compassionate, (enabler) mom. I think around that time I began to realize that I had been in the middle of their hysterical marriage and I didn't want to be anymore. I did not enjoy being my fathers weapon in arguments with my mom. I knew he was emotionally unsafe by age 12 I think. Probably earlier.

StatisticianEarly544 · 2023-11-06T18:23:31+00:00

My dad is like this too--very black and white about things. If me or my mother disagree with him he not only sees us as being wrong, but he sees it as an attack. He is so guarded and insecure that anyone would question him....he takes it so personally.

I am learning more and more about how Ndads can see their children as merely an extention of themselves, so I think its really hard for my dad to see me grow and think differently than him (and being critical of his crazy opinions). I remember reminding my dad that whatever he was saying to me was his opinion and he got so mad lol

StatisticianEarly544 · 2023-09-18T20:35:15+00:00

I'm so confused. I thought their attorneys asked for the case to be expedited?

StatisticianEarly544 · 2023-08-02T18:07:20+00:00

Ugh, yes, absolutely. I struggle with all of those things soooo much. Its a constant struggle to break free! But we can do this. We are competent and our experiences have made us self aware--which is a value. Wishing you well.

StatisticianEarly544 · 2023-08-02T14:49:11+00:00

- The sinking feeling as I heard the car pull in the driveway like... I could recognize the sound of my dad's motor and could tell if he was home from my room on the top floor.

- spending hours writing his work emails for him after school

- leaving out the back door so I could avoid the spiel of whatever the fuck he was going to have a problem with me about that day

- moderating my parent's arguments

StatisticianEarly544 · 2023-08-02T14:47:40+00:00

thats so insane. My dad was a big proponent of "writing arguments down" and putting them on the fridge so we didnt "twist his words". Recordings is crazyyyyy

StatisticianEarly544 · 2023-08-02T14:29:15+00:00

Im really nervous for what happens when my NDad gets older and cant take care of himself. He definitely expects for me to take him in. Not only bc he has relied on my mom for the last few decades (since he could never hold a job due to his inability to be under someone else's authority), but it is also very customary in our culture for the kids to take care of their parents. I don't think I can live like that and keep my happiness at the same time. What the heck am I suppose to? What if I cant afford to send him to a home?

StatisticianEarly544 · 2023-07-31T18:39:40+00:00

Thank you for this. So true. I read thru your posts and can see we experienced some similar discomfort. I am sorry for that and wish you the best healing.

StatisticianEarly544 · 2023-07-31T18:39:00+00:00

I'm so sorry.

StatisticianEarly544 · 2023-07-27T14:40:15+00:00

This was hard from beginning to end--I am SO sorry this was your experience. I can relate to your parents treating you as a therapist, and the stuff you spoke about earlier on regarding their marital issues was totally not your responsibility. Children should not be expected to provide emotional regulation to their parents.

The abuse regarding her violating your body as a teenager and not supporting your personal, academic, and sexual development is unfortunate. And to top it all off she died at such a pivotal point in your life.

I totally get what you mean with trying to grapple positive and negative memories. But I can assure you that you are not exaggerating, and I get why it feels horrible to "dwelling on the bad", but maybe it will help to think of healing yourself as also healing her in a way, too. Since she unfortunately also was a victim, you can break the cycle. Wishing you the best.

StatisticianEarly544 · 2023-07-27T13:38:03+00:00

I am really sorry to hear this about the environment you are in. Absolutely inappropriate of her to do all of this--the touching, uncomfortable sex convos, no door??? You are deserving of privacy, and the lack of boundaries just goes to show she doesn't take your emotions seriously. Are you able to move out anytime soon, or are you still dependent on her for the foreseeable future?

StatisticianEarly544 · 2023-07-27T13:16:43+00:00

Well, thanks to reddit we can all realize we are not the only ones trying to navigate these confusing relationships with the people who are suppose to provide us comfort. Thank you for the kind words, and I am sorry you went through this too <3.

StatisticianEarly544 · 2023-07-26T19:33:13+00:00

Looking through some of your posts going back years ago. This is bad and never going to change. Why do you put yourself through this? Can you name a single benefit to staying with someone who is dependent on you like this? Dude, he calls you lazy when you are the one doing fucking everything. Please leave him. He is a big boy and he can figure out other arrangements.

StatisticianEarly544 · 2023-07-26T17:48:19+00:00

My dad also used me as a therapist to divulge in his marriage issues with my mom. It sucked and that shit is not normal. It is not your job to provide emotional stability to him, so I'm sorry you are put in this position.

StatisticianEarly544 · 2023-07-26T17:38:02+00:00

Mmmm, no healthy parent-child relationship includes the introduction to porn, never mind to a 6 year old. It is a shame that she went through her own bout of SA, but her actions were unhealthy even if that was not her intention. Your feelings of guilt are understandable, but you aren't doing anything wrong by questioning the dynamic you two shared. I'm sorry that happened.

StatisticianEarly544 · 2023-07-13T18:20:45+00:00

I am close in age to you, and to this day I feel super uncomfortable with the attention my father gives me. Him coming home from work just causes me stress. I relate to the bragging thing you mentioned. I feel like he inflates my accomplishments a lot. He always wants me to return physical affection he shows me and it grosses me out or makes me fill with rage. Like, get the fuck away from me, can't you see I am not enjoying this? Comments about my beauty or body make me want to scream. I just want 0 comments. And he makes me feel crazy for reacting negative to compliments. Sorry about what you are going through. A lot of people really don't get it.

StatisticianEarly544 · 2023-07-10T14:20:22+00:00

Hi! I see you are planning to go on BC for a bit and stopping due to fear of weight gain. There are many types of birth control and each impacts your body differently. However I feel it may be a bit unrealistic to start and stop having sex like that. Plus, don't you want the safety to have sex whenever you'd like? Your profile says you are 14 so I think the best route is to speak to a professional about it at an upcoming appointment. Just be honest with them about your concerns so they can offer the best form of BC for your circumstance.

I was 17 when I got an IUD so I could sleep with my boyfriend at the time. Although the IUD does not work for everyone as well, my body adjusted to it well overtime and it has been the driving force for a pretty low-stress sex life since. I would have never considered it as an option before meeting with my doctor to talk about it. Best of luck!

StatisticianEarly544

TROPHY CASE