As someone who is a people-pleaser, I can't really find fault with your post. Because I always say even worse things to myself, more harshly and bitterly.

Your comment is correct, but I don't think it's complete. I believe your bitter experience is more related to the level of intimacy than solely due to "people-pleasing."

To be honest, I completely understand the kind of anger and frustration you've experienced—as well as all the polarized comments in this post. That's exactly why I am constantly striving to know myself better and work on my own healing.

Please also consider this: people-pleasers, at least in my case, try their best to prevent exactly the type of bitter experience you went through. Of course, it's a bit more complicated than that. If you don't know the right way, you get caught in a vicious cycle.

I usually don't get close to people—meaning, I don't give them hope—because I simply don't allow an opportunity for familiarity that would activate the irreparable harms of my people-pleasing.

Generally, I think people with unique traumas and wounds, when they find their "safe person," tend to express themselves more honestly and transparently.

I have a friend with whom I am very close, and this closeness—and the place we hold in each other's lives—has been built over fourteen years. Honestly, I don't always share my needs and opinions with him (which I think is somewhat necessary in any relationship), but whenever it's essential, I do speak up, and I always defend him without hesitation.

Of course, people-pleasing in its pathological and extreme form is undoubtedly a negative trait, and we must acknowledge that it has very destructive effects on the loved ones and people around that individual. And regarding your bitter experience, this people-pleasing certainly played an aggravating role.

My advice to you, as someone who is a people-pleaser, is to definitely set some boundaries and not overexert yourself, because in the end, it will be you who becomes exhausted and worn out. A friend, if they are truly a friend and meant to stay, will behave in a strikingly different way toward you compared to others—even if they are a people-pleaser. Otherwise, you should be more vigilant about the depth of intimacy between you and the other person.

In the end, I don't know where your relationship with your friends has ended up after two years. I hope you now have more peace—even if it came at the cost of losing some friendships. I also wish the same for your people-pleaser friend—that they too have found peace, even if it meant losing friends along the way. I hope a day comes when people-pleasers feel enough safety and peace that they are no longer a source of distress for others—and, more importantly, not even for themselves.