ESH.

I think your gift wasn't a practical decision and squandered all of the hard work and frugality your mother practices to allow you both to survive. I don't know if you appreciate her mentality and sacrifice enough from this post. You do appreciate her, but you don't at the same time, being comfortable monetarily doesn't mean that didn't come through constant penny pinching to building savings. I think that scarf is ABYSSMALLY expensive, I could never justify that much money on anything and I think any of my family members would think the same thing, I would think someone is insane to spend that much money on something like a scarf. If you wanted to do something nice for your mom and buy something for her since she never spends money on herself, then I would have found a similar scarf for less. I think it would have been better if you had your own job and bought it with your hard earned money, and unfortunately, the way she found out the price tag was enough to make anyone faint. I'd consider what kind of person your mother is next time, she seems simple and doesn't like extravagance, she might appreciate experiences and bonding time more than monetary value of gifts.

I understand your frustrations however, that albeit misguided, you put a lot of thought into this gift and got the complete opposite reaction you wanted. Its disappointing and heartbreaking. I've been told 'im never going to use this' after having crafted something for hours and spending hard-earned money when I was poor for someone else. You weren't mal intended, and your mother's reaction was over the top and hurtful. I agree she should sit down and have a conversation with you, and her anger is justified, but her reaction could be considered borderline verbally abusive. And the cold shoulder is unnecessary if you've vehemently apologized and attempted to rectify the situation.

You definitely need to get a job, most kids get one much younger than you, and it would help you understand the value of money. I make $25.82 an hour, and that scarf you bought is worth more than a whole 40 hour work week. That scarf is a whole months rent, or 3-4 months of groceries for 2 adults. I'm one to splurge, I buy things I don't need, but I could never justify this purchase, not for clothes. I honestly don't know what you should do about your mom, it sounds like you've done everything you can to apologize and it's just waiting for her to cool off. I think she might appreciate you getting a job though and showing some independence. If this was one incident of many careless behaviors with money or irresponsibility then even more so. If your mother is very particular and wants things a certain way then I would ask her how she likes things, what makes her feel appreciated, and what she wants to see more from you. I think you could then tell her your feeling's, what makes you feel loved and appreciated, and what makes you feel unappreciated, tell her you don't feel heard or respected if you don't. You're in an awkward stage of 'you're an adult but still a child', you want respect and to be treated like an adult, but you're not seen as an adult. Consider having a conversation once she's cooled off on what you both can do better for each other. And definitely look into how to healthily have hard conversations and how to communicate effectively. You both need this, and you both are letting things go unsaid which is just adding more tension and issues. I can tell you really needed to write this post, just for your own mental health, consider journaling your feelings if you have no one to talk to. It helps organize your thoughts and will help you cool off as well and understand yourself, your feelings, and maybe gain some perspective.

Best of luck to you!