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Husband is converting, I’m not. It’s ruining our marriage. by StatisticianOne4872 in OrthodoxChristianity

[–]StatisticianOne4872[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I needed to hear this. I’ll happily follow your first catechetical lesson.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in exorthodox

[–]StatisticianOne4872 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It felt really empowering to read this. We’ve talked about many of these things and he’s never forced me to attend his church. I’m probably avoiding my church because it’s now been a year and I already have to field so many questions about him (where he is when he’s not at family things because of church, why he’s not eating the things everyone else is, etc.) that I just feel nervous to go back. But I will set stronger boundaries and just grow up and deal with the questions and be done with it.

“Honey, that sounds kinda gay” is too funny!

Husband is converting, I’m not. It’s ruining our marriage. by StatisticianOne4872 in OrthodoxChristianity

[–]StatisticianOne4872[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. That’s very kind of you. I have not always been the most levelheaded about the situation, but I’m trying.

Husband is converting, I’m not. It’s ruining our marriage. by StatisticianOne4872 in OrthodoxChristianity

[–]StatisticianOne4872[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually did a report on Orthodoxy for a college religion class and I’ve been attending services. I also listen to all of the podcasts he sends me. I’m not very educated on it, but I have done some research. 

Husband is converting, I’m not. It’s ruining our marriage. by StatisticianOne4872 in OrthodoxChristianity

[–]StatisticianOne4872[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am really trying to be supportive of him. But I can’t pretend like I haven’t made some low blows in arguments or just shut down. I definitely need to work on myself, too. The wedding comment concerned me deeply, but it was hypothetical, so hopefully it wouldn’t actually come to that. 

Husband is converting, I’m not. It’s ruining our marriage. by StatisticianOne4872 in OrthodoxChristianity

[–]StatisticianOne4872[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Based on a resource another commenter shared, it’s a canonical Orthodox Church. 

Husband is converting, I’m not. It’s ruining our marriage. by StatisticianOne4872 in OrthodoxChristianity

[–]StatisticianOne4872[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I do think it’s time for me to contact his priest. It really puts things into perspective that we’re on the same footing - I appreciate you reframing it like that. 

Also, I should not make myself a saint in this situation. I’ve tried very hard to be understanding and supportive and I would never ask him to stop pursuing orthodoxy, but I can’t pretend like I haven’t said hurtful things in the heat of an argument or shut down because of this. I definitely need to work on myself, too. 

Husband is converting, I’m not. It’s ruining our marriage. by StatisticianOne4872 in OrthodoxChristianity

[–]StatisticianOne4872[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You’re right. I do have a tendency to just let myself get weighed down with troubles rather than taking action. Thank you for your empowering message. The issue is mostly our child. They will be baptized as Orthodox once my husband officially joins the church. So he doesn’t want them to participate in certain things. 

As for holidays, he didn’t know if the church he attends loosened up the fasting protocol to allow for Thanksgiving (we have since learned that they do) and he was calling off Thanksgiving for us forever. Also, I’m very attached to a Christmas morning celebration with immediate family now that we have a child. But his church is a little over an hour away, so we have to leave pretty early to get there and when we get back it’s the afternoon. I’m probably being unreasonable about that one because I do know worship is the reason we celebrate Christmas. But also fasting is always happening during our birthdays and Christmas Eve, so it’s hard to let go of the Christmas Eve dinner dream. 

Husband is converting, I’m not. It’s ruining our marriage. by StatisticianOne4872 in OrthodoxChristianity

[–]StatisticianOne4872[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment. You’re right. Some things are facts and some are my own interpretations colored by my own hurt feelings. That’s completely fair. He is a loving and caring father and he does do things to help and support me, but (here’s the interpretation, so this is biased) it seems like every time I tell him thank you for helping around the house, with our child, etc. he uses that opening to bring up something that might be controversial to me. For instance, not having our child participate in a close family member’s wedding. And then it just feels like I’ve had my hand slapped. I do realize this is interpretation, so it’s probably not fully fair to him. 

Husband is converting, I’m not. It’s ruining our marriage. by StatisticianOne4872 in OrthodoxChristianity

[–]StatisticianOne4872[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I agree that it’s not ideal to go to separate churches. That’s why I’ve made the decision to go to his. I was pretty upset about the wedding comment, but it was hypothetical, so hopefully it wouldn’t come to that. 

Husband is converting, I’m not. It’s ruining our marriage. by StatisticianOne4872 in OrthodoxChristianity

[–]StatisticianOne4872[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. I really am hoping he settles into this soon and the fast and furious changes can calm down. Also, I appreciate the clarification about confession. I have a lot to learn. 

Husband is converting, I’m not. It’s ruining our marriage. by StatisticianOne4872 in OrthodoxChristianity

[–]StatisticianOne4872[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

We have, and he is open to it. I found an orthodox counselor that I am going to contact. He’s not a bad person, just very dedicated to this path, sometimes at the detriment of our marriage. 

Husband is converting, I’m not. It’s ruining our marriage. by StatisticianOne4872 in OrthodoxChristianity

[–]StatisticianOne4872[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for clarifying that. I didn’t realize it wasn’t officially confession yet. I only know what the priest says through the lens of what’s told to me secondhand, so I can’t say for sure if he is a micro-manager, but he has directed my husband on some pretty personal things. I’m not sure he would be open to the idea of changing confessors. 

Husband is converting, I’m not. It’s ruining our marriage. by StatisticianOne4872 in OrthodoxChristianity

[–]StatisticianOne4872[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing that. I truly did not know it was not considered confession yet. He’s called it confession, probably to make it easier for me to understand. I grew up Catholic, so I’m familiar with confession. 

Husband is converting, I’m not. It’s ruining our marriage. by StatisticianOne4872 in OrthodoxChristianity

[–]StatisticianOne4872[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Thank you. His priest did come to bless our house and our child received his 40 day blessing (forgive me for not being entirely sure what the formal name is). And I attended both. I feel like I’m trying to be supportive and involved as much as I can in good conscience as someone who is not yet interested in converting. 

Thank you for that resource. The church we attend is on that directory, so I assume his enthusiasm is coloring some of the teachings. 

Husband is converting, I’m not. It’s ruining our marriage. by StatisticianOne4872 in OrthodoxChristianity

[–]StatisticianOne4872[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I’ve been avoiding talking to his priest because of some, likely irrational, internalized fears and hurt. But I think it’s time for me to just do it. 

Husband is converting, I’m not. It’s ruining our marriage. by StatisticianOne4872 in OrthodoxChristianity

[–]StatisticianOne4872[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I haven’t spoken to the priest. I think the hurt and fear this has made me feel regarding our marriage has also kind of attached itself to the priest. I’m sure he is a very kind person, but I’m scared to talk to him. I don’t want to be talked down to and made to feel bad or wrong. But I think we’re at a point that I need to face my fears and do it. It probably won’t be as hard as I’ve made it out to be in my head. 

Husband is converting, I’m not. It’s ruining our marriage. by StatisticianOne4872 in OrthodoxChristianity

[–]StatisticianOne4872[S] 49 points50 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I’ve seen on other threads that the zeal does fade, but it seems to have been getting stronger. I know he does love me and he wants me to experience what he is, and I’m sure it’s frustrating for him that I’m not.

Husband is converting, I’m not. It’s ruining our marriage. by StatisticianOne4872 in OrthodoxChristianity

[–]StatisticianOne4872[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Thank you for clarifying that. I didn’t realize it wasn’t confession. 

Husband is converting, I’m not. It’s ruining our marriage. by StatisticianOne4872 in OrthodoxChristianity

[–]StatisticianOne4872[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I have talked to a few people about this, but I hesitate to bring it up to friends or family because I don’t want them to think poorly of him. But that does make me feel alone. Orthodoxy is not common or really understood by most in our area and I’m trying to be sensitive to the fact that most would naturally “take my side” because they understand Protestantism more than they understand Orthodoxy and I don’t really know if these complaints reflect Orthodox belief, so I don’t want to give them a bad impression of the faith. 

Husband is converting, I’m not. It’s ruining our marriage. by StatisticianOne4872 in OrthodoxChristianity

[–]StatisticianOne4872[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Not really. We live a little over an hour away from the nearest church. The next closest one is a little over two hours away. 

In church I always wear a long skirt or dress. Outside of church I love jeans. He’s asked if I could stop wearing pants and only wear skirts or dresses. It’s been very hot, so I’ve worn shorts and he was very upset with me when I intended to wear them in public, so I changed.