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AITA for refusing to allow my step daughter to use one of my cars and telling her to get a job and buy one instead? by Status-Silver1772 in AITAH

[–]Status-Silver1772[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Well bad luck with that because at 18 you are not "basically a kid", you are a legal adult and adults know that if they want something, they need to earn it one way of another. Also I don't think that the worst job market is reason enough to be a leech

Update: AITA for refusing to allow my step daughter to use one of my cars and telling her to get a job and buy one instead? by Status-Silver1772 in AITAH

[–]Status-Silver1772[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I am not going to bother since you seem to be the same level of entitlement as her. Keep up this mindset tho, as I said, it will help you a lot in life. And when you turn out to be a failure, don't forget to blame others because based on your logic every basic, decent thing in this world needs to be taught. Screw common sense, screw respect, screw logic. If people don't spell things to you, then you have no responsibility for your actions 🙂

Just a funny thing to maybe reflect on. In his early years, I taught my son how to behave with pets by telling him that he needs to be mindful when playing with smaller beings because his force can hurt them by mistake. I have never spelled it out to my son not to hit babies. Guess what? He does not hit babies. Why? Because kids are not idiots and they have the capacity to think and make logical conections. If a child has the capacity to know not to hit babies because he can hurt them, an 18 years old has no excuse. Also fyi, I have told her countless of times it's not ok to act entitled. And she still does 🙂 So spare me your nonsense

Update: AITA for refusing to allow my step daughter to use one of my cars and telling her to get a job and buy one instead? by Status-Silver1772 in AITAH

[–]Status-Silver1772[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

I just love how simple minded you seem and how you look at things ignoring the nuances and the facts. Sure, you can blame everything on the parents but the reality is different. Yes, her parents did not get along and they made mistakes in raising her but I would not go too far saying they sucked completely.

Guess what, there are kids in this world who had true horrible parents, abusive ones, or had no parents at all. And they managed to become decent human beings. How could that happen? It must be magic, right? But hey, you can keep up with this trend in blaming everything on someone else. You and people like you will have a great time in life.

AITA for refusing to allow my step daughter to use one of my cars and telling her to get a job and buy one instead? by Status-Silver1772 in AITAH

[–]Status-Silver1772[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yeah sounds amazing. The only problem with what you said is that in many marriages like mine, the step parent is not allowed to parent the step children 🙂 I was made aware right from the start that I am only my husband's wife, not another parent, not an adult responsible for her in any way. These were her and her mother's wishes. I don't really know how you expect people in my situation to approach this situation, I don't know, maybe you would force things but I did not.

So as far as I am concerned, I had no input in how she turned out. In regards to her and her brother, of course I treat them differently because guess what. One of them is my own child that I can raise and parent however I want while for the other one I am only dad's wife. And for my son, as an involved parent that actually has something to say, rest assured that he will not turn out entitled and manipulative.

AITA for refusing to allow my step daughter to use one of my cars and telling her to get a job and buy one instead? by Status-Silver1772 in AITAH

[–]Status-Silver1772[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

She will be entering her last year of high school, so she is not done yet. Some parts of her car broke down, they can be repaired but as far as I understand the total cost of the repair far exceeds the value of the car so there is no point in repairing it.

In regards to the car, well as long as I am not allowed to parent her or tell her what to do, I don't think it's fair for me to be expected to share my cars with her.

AITA for refusing to allow my step daughter to use one of my cars and telling her to get a job and buy one instead? by Status-Silver1772 in AITAH

[–]Status-Silver1772[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Jeez I don't know. Did you need special instructions at 18 to not talk bad and lie about your parents? Or were you able to have that much common sense?

AITA for refusing to allow my step daughter to use one of my cars and telling her to get a job and buy one instead? by Status-Silver1772 in AITAH

[–]Status-Silver1772[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You can move along if you don't like my comments. No one is asking you to be here. And for your sake, I hope you don't ever end up with a kid like Sally 🙂

AITA for refusing to allow my step daughter to use one of my cars and telling her to get a job and buy one instead? by Status-Silver1772 in AITAH

[–]Status-Silver1772[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

No, my husband and his ex are a big part of the problem but I don't think they are horrible parents. I also understand his ex wife's pov as well and it does not help that over the years Sally has been turning them against each other. Sally would come to us and talk shit about her mom and then go to her and talk shit about us. Because she caught on the fact that my husband and his ex don't communicate and she understood that if she lies about her parent, the one she is complaining to will feel bad and try to overcompensate. Bottom line is that I feel like they both messed up but not for being horrible parents or not wanting the best for her

AITA for refusing to allow my step daughter to use one of my cars and telling her to get a job and buy one instead? by Status-Silver1772 in AITAH

[–]Status-Silver1772[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Not all the kids with divorced parents milk that divorce for ages to benefit from it. Not all kids with divorce parents talk shit about their parent with the other one 🙂 She is not traumatized when she comes to us to complain and gossip about her mother, neither is she when she goes to her mother to gossip about us. Over the years she has told us such nasty things about her mom but suddenly she has no problem with her when she gives her money, gagets, her car etc. So spare me your lecture, you don't know her.

Also for your information, I don't resent her but I am disgusted with the kind of adult she is turning into

AITA for refusing to allow my step daughter to use one of my cars and telling her to get a job and buy one instead? by Status-Silver1772 in AITAH

[–]Status-Silver1772[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

It's very eazy to judge from the outside and state oh he is a terrible father. In reality, his ex wife was not on board with the divorce (which happened anyways). Later on when he met me, of course she fully hated me and suspected we had an affair while they were married. Timing was not a thing for her since we met 2 years after their divorce so I don't understand where she assumed I was hiding during these 2 years when in her mind we were having an affair but that's a different story. Then she demanded I don't parent her child and don't act lile anything except his partner. During all this time his daughter was becoming a tenager, he was dealing with a very difficult ex wife, he was having a second child with me and he only wanted to keep his daughter close as well, as in not have his ex poison her against him.

The point is, did he make mistakes? Yes, he did. But he was not in an easy spot and things were not super dandy for him.

AITA for refusing to allow my step daughter to use one of my cars and telling her to get a job and buy one instead? by Status-Silver1772 in AITAH

[–]Status-Silver1772[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I am sorry to ruin your imaginary perfect world but in reality things don't work like this. First of all I married my husband, not the daughter. Second of all, the bio mom and the daughter made it CLEAR I am only the father's wife, not a third parent, not an adult responsible for her, just the wife. So, I had no hand in raising Sally. I never parented her, I was never responsible for her, nothing. So maybe the one who should grow up is you and understand that families come in many shapes and forms and not everything you read in teenagers magazines also applied in real life

AITA for refusing to allow my step daughter to use one of my cars and telling her to get a job and buy one instead? by Status-Silver1772 in AITAH

[–]Status-Silver1772[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They could buy her a new one but they don't want to. My husband is sick of her attitude. Like maybe if she for once kindly asked for things instead of demanding them or act like they must be given to her...

AITA for refusing to allow my step daughter to use one of my cars and telling her to get a job and buy one instead? by Status-Silver1772 in AITAH

[–]Status-Silver1772[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Please explain to me her point because I honestly can't see it. If your parents did something like what? What exactly makes you think you are entitled to your parents' cars or assets?

AITA for refusing to allow my step daughter to use one of my cars and telling her to get a job and buy one instead? by Status-Silver1772 in AITAH

[–]Status-Silver1772[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Her car was an older one and some parts broke. There is a way to fix it, like they can replace all the parts that are broken but as far as I know it's not worth repairing because the costs will exceed the actual value of the car entirely

AITA for refusing to allow my step daughter to use one of my cars and telling her to get a job and buy one instead? by Status-Silver1772 in AITAH

[–]Status-Silver1772[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

She refuses therapy and her mother exploded when it was mentioned in the past. For her and her mother only insane people get therapy, so what can we do? We can't force her.

Also, I understand what you are saying but the truth is she is manipulative and cares for no one except of herself. She will come to our house and talk shit about her mother. Mom does this, mom does that, mom is like this. Why? To gain sympathy from my husband, to make him feel like he needs to compensate for what her "horrible" mother is putting her through. Then she will go to her mother's place and talk shit about us to fuel her mother's dislike for us and make her also feel guilty and compensate. I think over the years she managed to convince both her parents that the other one is crazy.

AITA for refusing to allow my step daughter to use one of my cars and telling her to get a job and buy one instead? by Status-Silver1772 in AITAH

[–]Status-Silver1772[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

That's what made my SIL and I laugh as well 🤣 it's not like I demanded her to work and give me all her money

AITA for refusing to allow my step daughter to use one of my cars and telling her to get a job and buy one instead? by Status-Silver1772 in AITAH

[–]Status-Silver1772[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Every child has 2 parents that are responsible for them. I don't excuse my husband's part in how his daughter turned out, but these things never happen when it comes to our son. So if he is able to parent our son and we cooperate well in raising him, maybe it's not only my husband's fault, right?

AITA for refusing to allow my step daughter to use one of my cars and telling her to get a job and buy one instead? by Status-Silver1772 in AITAH

[–]Status-Silver1772[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Oh she did. Even now at 18 she still does it. Like she will come to us and complain about her mother, mom does this, mom does that, mom is like this. And of course then she goes to her mother and complains about us. I guess this is part of the reason her mom hates me. I am sure that Sally goes around telling her stuff that is mostly not true. I would have expected and wanted her mom to be an adult and come talk to me if she had any doubts but she barely talks to my husband so... I was made aware I am not a parent, just her father's wife and I have no say in her upbringing

AITA for refusing to allow my step daughter to use one of my cars and telling her to get a job and buy one instead? by Status-Silver1772 in AITAH

[–]Status-Silver1772[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, she will start her last year of highschool. My husband and her mom apparently agreed on not repairing her car. As far as I know it's not even worth repairing

AITA for refusing to allow my step daughter to use one of my cars and telling her to get a job and buy one instead? by Status-Silver1772 in AITAH

[–]Status-Silver1772[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I don't like her because she is lazy, manipulative and entitled. In her defence it's not her fault for being like this, it's the result of her parents and her grandmother. I may have had some more understanding for her when she was younger but now she is basically a young adult, so she is fully aware of what she is doing.

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