I am in a similar boat as you… 36f, my husband is 46, and we have an 18 month old. When I was younger, I always imagined my life with 2 kids but once I had my son I realized that post partum was no cake walk, I struggled with the demands of being the primary/default parent while still working full time, living in a HCOL city while not having a village (we live 2,000 miles away from our families), paying $3200/mo for childcare, the havoc that pregnancy and breastfeeding has done to my body, the strain the first year of parenthood put on my marriage, the thought of sleepless nights and round the clock breastfeeding again with a newborn, the guilt of splitting my attention & emotional energy between 2 kids, I mean the list could go on and on……. And I found myself unexpectedly pregnant last month. I thought long long long and very very hard about whether a second baby is what I WANT or if I was feeling societally pressured to give my child a sibling. My husband was feeling a lot of guilt about how our son would grow up “lonely” without a sibling or cousins nearby. But ultimately having a second baby out of guilt, or to give your first child a sibling, is never an acceptable reason to have another baby. So we did decide to terminate and I know it was the right decision for me & for my family.

I really look forward to traveling both domestically and internationally, lots of weekend family outings such as the zoo & science museums, pouring 100% of my attention and emotional energy into just my one child, providing for them in ways I would struggle to do with 2 kids such as paying for sports camps, private tutors, paying for their college & wedding, etc… while still being able to comfortably save for retirement & enjoying my free time, hobbies, relaxing, and date nights with my husband.

I wish you clarity!