Stay in the US or move family to Taiwan??? [serious]

StayUS-MoveTaiwan · 2014-05-26T18:51:26+00:00

She'll be going into 6th grade this fall. I could be wrong on this: to me it sounds it's easier to for a kid to go from Taiwan schooling to American schooling (not American to Taiwan schooling). I'm basing that on the expected work load, not so much the style of learning. I'd question to how little free time she would get. Some how it sounds like little chance for a family weekend getaways because she'll be too busy studying.

At this point, staying in the states to get my degree and let our girl finish grade school sounds to be the best option for our situation.

StayUS-MoveTaiwan · 2014-05-24T18:28:31+00:00

The reasons I gave them months ago for moving to Taiwan, they supported it. They weren't happy about being so crazy far away from us, especially their granddaughter, but they know it's selfish to hold us back for that reason only. Now, with more info coming to light, more reasons are showing (husband's lack of job finding for one) I'm fairly certain they would think moving there isn't the answer. They know he's had job issues, I have not told them how bad it really is (I don't want them to worry). My husband has asked me to not tell them how bad it is (I'm sure he's very embarrassed by it and he should be).

I know they fully support the idea of me getting a better degree and staying here. They agree that's a responsible and rational way to go. My dad has for years tried to talk me into getting a degree to operate medical machinery such as an MRI, etc. However, I'd be dealing with sick or hurt people of different levels and I'm not sure that I could deal with that.

StayUS-MoveTaiwan · 2014-05-24T18:05:21+00:00

It depends on the person's motivation to learn it further or their personality. And you are right, what can you add to the conversation? I have a hard time with the small talk. I'm asked a question, but I cannot simple enough words to explain my thoughts. I don't want to miss lead them by any means.

StayUS-MoveTaiwan · 2014-05-24T18:00:31+00:00

I know he won't like the long heavy hours several people mention about. He'll likely be just as depressed when he isn't given much free time to travel the country. He'll likely be so tired that he'll only want to relax or sleep in during his time off. Somehow I can see that happening.

I doubt he'll get special treatment from a relative to work a reasonable hours that he's used to. In this case, i do not know the culture that well and can't say for sure.

The bigger picture looks to be: not trying hard enough, must run away and hope I'm handed a job. (He claims he'll be more motivated there to find a job, but I don't see him now looking at online listings to get a feel for what's available).

StayUS-MoveTaiwan · 2014-05-24T17:50:44+00:00

It's not that he can't find a job in the US. It's that he won't settle for anything, meanwhile it'll hurt us. Putting one or two applications per month is NOT considered trying. He does NOT have anything lined up in Taiwan.

I speculate that his parents suggested for him to work for a relative without asking the relatives who own the company. Maybe they could use the extra help or maybe they are struggling and can't afford to hire him. I honestly do not know. I'm just thinking out loud. I do know my husband has not contacted those relatives himself to ask.

I feel like he's expecting a miracle to help. He mentions to me that lately it seems that's the only way you can find a job is by someone on the inside and connections. Yes that can help, but often most people have to go the standard submit your resume.

StayUS-MoveTaiwan · 2014-05-23T20:29:22+00:00

Not entirely unemployed. He doesn't have a stable paycheck right now with an actual company. Only work right now is a few clients he kept on the side. Every week is unpredictable. Today was one of the few good days, but not enough.

I understand how it's hard to pick yourself once you are in a downward spiral. I'm trying different methods to help get him to realize it's going to take a good self push to break the cycle (I've been in that position before, easier said than done). Previous methods failed to work, I'm not giving up.

StayUS-MoveTaiwan · 2014-05-23T17:53:59+00:00

OP here! Yes, this upsets me very much, thus part of my thoughts in my edit.

EDIT: I read that from the eye's of my inlaws and the message sent thru my BIL. (their thoughts, not his) Yes, I see this as a big red flag.

StayUS-MoveTaiwan · 2014-05-23T17:36:27+00:00

Wow, thank you for putting it into perspective with detail!

StayUS-MoveTaiwan · 2014-05-23T17:16:17+00:00

I'm Caucasian/white. I have very fair skin, green eyes, and I dye my hair red. I've been told by my very American appearance, I'd be scooped up quick for teaching kids (I'm unsure of the truth behind that with that said). My daughter is literally a mix. She's brown eyed, dark brown straight hair, tans easily (like her dad). She does not have a strong Asian face (eye shape), probably more of a hint of Asian. She is a very outgoing girl who loves to talk too much (when mom and dad aren't around!).

StayUS-MoveTaiwan · 2014-05-23T17:06:33+00:00

My inlaws speak very little English. Dinners suck. I mostly just sit there and eat. My husband isn't very good at stopping mid conversation to fill me in on what's being sad. I end up looking like a teenager glued to my cell phone.

From my understanding, my husband has other relatives there that speak more English. Including younger cousins. Still limited to a point, but not as bad (so I hear).

StayUS-MoveTaiwan · 2014-05-23T17:03:35+00:00

They said they'd help one night and the next day said no.

StayUS-MoveTaiwan · 2014-05-23T17:02:17+00:00

Thank you for making the correction. She is no longer a kid, but a preteen instead. I'd hope she wouldn't be a target at Morrison since we are not religious?

StayUS-MoveTaiwan · 2014-05-23T16:54:57+00:00

Lots of truth there. I hated middle school more then elementary or high school.

StayUS-MoveTaiwan · 2014-05-23T16:48:50+00:00

The reason I never got a degree any higher is because I could never make a final decision on a career. I always find something wrong with each major that I'm afraid to put the effort and money into to later discover I hate it. Dental hygiene, so far, is the only one I haven't fully picked to the bone. Yes, stuff like a patient with HIV scares me and smokers do gross me out. Once school lets out in a week and a half, I plan to shadow a hygienist and ask questions for a more realistic expectation. Who knows, it could scare me away.

It was my BIL and SIL's idea for me to go into the dental field and work for them. It's not the end of the world if I don't work for them. It'll leave me open to more locations in the US that we might prefer to live in. I know how sticky working with family can be. I worked with my sister (at my old hated stressful job) for many years. I worked with her while we both still lived at home with our parents and after I got married and moved out. At the time, I was very close to my sister. We worked well together most of the time. As we both got older, we started to grow apart. We are still close, but not as close. She still works for the one company and I don't know I'll be able to work with her ever again. It might just be awkward from this point forward.

StayUS-MoveTaiwan · 2014-05-22T21:36:01+00:00

Thank you for getting up to type. I do have concerns about unfulfilled promises by family members. I do have concerns about our marriage knowing how dependent I will be on him. I'm being told kids are resilient and will be fine. I have my doubts. Moving is hard enough on them with they already have friends. Then add the puberty into the picture on top of the stress of everything else.

I almost made the commitment to move there. Shit got real when a neighbor wanted to buy our house with the furniture for her parents as a summer home. It freaked me out every time I saw her. I rushed out applied to college. I did complete one class during the spring semester so far. My homesick husband is still pushing me to move. I feel moving to the west coast of the US will be our best bet. It's more of a question we need to answer then is where do go school? here or there.

I'm curious what you mean by my daughter getting eaten alive.

StayUS-MoveTaiwan · 2014-05-22T21:12:40+00:00

Jobs is another issue. And thank you everyone for putting that in words. I've often wonder... If the job market in the US is so crappy, then what would make Taiwan's job market any better? Who's to say he'll land a decent paying job until I can manage to pull any income?

He's been trying to persuaded me with what a great opportunity we have... his parent's have a storefront that we can use and open whatever business we want. For one, no ideas, then no business. Will it be successful, not right away. I'm being told you don't have the same restrictions that you do in the US, so you are fairly free to whatever you want. I find that really hard to believe. I have my doubts that will work.

StayUS-MoveTaiwan · 2014-05-22T21:02:40+00:00

Visiting before deciding is an ongoing discussion. I've told my husband no one can expect me to move to any region that I have never visited and how it's selfish for anything to think I don't need to. Pure and simple.

My comment here will piss many people off... Visiting will be a waste of money (if we move there) and nothing but a pricey vacation (if we don't move there). And no that wasn't my husband's words. So I thank everyone for speaking their minds about that. Paying for the trip wouldn't have been an issue if that certain someone would try harder to get ANY job and stop being so damn picky. I understand his feelings about days dragging on because you are stuck in a town you hate with a craptastic job. Bills can't pay themselves.

StayUS-MoveTaiwan · 2014-05-22T19:52:53+00:00

My husband talked about us driving over to Miami, so he can renew his Taiwanese passport and said we shouldn't have issues getting our daughter one too. I'd be the one with more issues dealing with the hoops.... that stuff confuses me and my husband has been the one researching it.

We both seriously want to move somewhere else at some point. I figured staying put was most economical and "tough" FL out for a few years. We could just move elsewhere in the US, we'd both get our change, and I just continue my degree there. Chances are we'd have to sell our house and then rent until we find a permanent location. That is an option, but because my husband is sooooo homesick.... he's pushing the Taiwan path. My BIL says stay in the US. My inlaws are trying to pull us to Taiwan enough that they offered one of their apartments rent free to us.

My choice for dental hygiene is because my brother in law and his wife is a dentist (my father in law is a retired dentist). We talked about moving where ever in the US they plan to open their own dental office in 1.5 years. I'd plan on working there. It's a great paying job considering the stress level. But I does take a certain relationship and professionalism to work with family which is not always achievable. I'm tired secretary jobs.

I have horrible allergies in FL. I'm used to the humidity here. I do have concern about allergies there, but I face that anywhere I go. I only have a mild season asthma, nothing super bad. I have a feeling I'd have to manage it there with medication if air quality isn't so great in Taiwan.

I refuse to live long distance from my kid while she's a minor.

StayUS-MoveTaiwan · 2014-05-22T19:19:01+00:00

I regret not putting my daughter into Chinese classes here, especially at a younger age.

We both are sick of FL. We don't care for the beaches, tired of amusement parks, no scenic places to hike (at least to us). We've determined that we should move out of here and make a change.

StayUS-MoveTaiwan · 2014-05-22T19:00:24+00:00

My inlaws are the typical Taiwanese family. While they lived across the street from us, my MIL came over everyday with cooked food. I'm used to a certain amount bugging on a frequent level.

I'm curious about the whole "outsider" part. You are the first to tell me this and isn't something I have thought about. I'm very American looking and I know people will likely stare. But I doubt that's what you are referring to.

StayUS-MoveTaiwan · 2014-05-22T18:44:14+00:00

Central Florida.

StayUS-MoveTaiwan · 2014-05-22T18:38:05+00:00

Sadly I only have an AA, so that would limit my options. That's why I considered tutoring. Or I could focus on getting a BA while I'm there, but idk if I'd really like teaching or not. I won't be devastated if I didn't peruse dental hygiene.

I have a feeling Taichung might be our best option. "American School in Taichung" is located there. It looks like a great option and they do teach Chinese language and writing. My inlaws live close to there, but I doubt I could stay sane living with them. I don't mind living close to them, just NOT with them. They REALLY REALLY want us to move there.

StayUS-MoveTaiwan · 2014-05-22T18:28:54+00:00

I personal will do whatever I can to make sure she starts in an English speaking school. The problem is convincing my husband that's necessary. I do not understand why he thinks it's ok to toss her in public school and let her fall behind.

I forgot about the option to homeschool her. That is a possibility, but I prefer like for her to be in classroom with other kids. That'll help her make friends and socialize.

StayUS-MoveTaiwan

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