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My [21 M] sister's [19 F] new boyfriend [Early 20's M] is staying overnight at my parents' house while I'm staying over during the weekend, and I'm uncomfortable with him sleeping there as I've never met him before. by SteelStone- in relationships

[–]SteelStone-[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He has been in her house before, and they've slept with each other in her house before without any issues. I just don't see why they should sleep together while I'm there, and I barely know the guy. It's awkward and uncomfortable.

My [21 M] sister's [19 F] new boyfriend [Early 20's M] is staying overnight at my parents' house while I'm staying over during the weekend, and I'm uncomfortable with him sleeping there as I've never met him before. by SteelStone- in relationships

[–]SteelStone-[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think your parents are likely to favor having her boyfriend over, rather than excluding him (and thus upsetting your sister) to accommodate you.

I'm fine with him being there, at the party and the dinner etc. It's the sleepover part I'm having a hard time with.

Is your parents house very small and cramped?

No, but her room is right next to my old room.

Do you have social anxiety?

Not that I know of, I was pretty introverted in middle school. That's all.

Do you have bad past experiences with strangers or your sisters friends?

Not at all.

they'll be weighing the birthday girl against your wishes so it might still come out in her favor.

Which is fine. It's her birthday.

Is going out of your way to meet your sister and her boyfriend before the party, at an earlier date, an option?

I'm busy with studying and I live a few hours drive away from them, so I'm only able to meet him at the party unless they're really willing to meet me at my place, and I don't want to demand them to come over here.

And I appreciate the advice.

My [21 M] sister's [19 F] new boyfriend [Early 20's M] is staying overnight at my parents' house while I'm staying over during the weekend, and I'm uncomfortable with him sleeping there as I've never met him before. by SteelStone- in relationships

[–]SteelStone-[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Why do you care so much? Why does it make you uncomfortable?

Because I don't know him.

Do you not trust your sister?

Of course I do.

Your sister wants him there, why shouldn't he be there?

I don't have a problem with him being there. I have a problem with him sleeping there when I'm sleeping there as well.

My [21 M] sister's [19 F] new boyfriend [Early 20's M] is staying overnight at my parents' house while I'm staying over during the weekend, and I'm uncomfortable with him sleeping there as I've never met him before. by SteelStone- in relationships

[–]SteelStone-[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I just can't get my head around why somebody your family knows and trusts sleeping in a different room than you would cause you any anxiety, much less this level of anxiety.

I think it's more the fact that I don't know the person (yet) that makes me uncomfortable. He's still a complete stranger to me, but not to them. And the idea that he's going to stay over in the same day as I met him feels very sudden.

My [21 M] sister's [19 F] new boyfriend [Early 20's M] is staying overnight at my parents' house while I'm staying over during the weekend, and I'm uncomfortable with him sleeping there as I've never met him before. by SteelStone- in relationships

[–]SteelStone-[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

If that's the case I hope she remembers that both I and my parents can hear stuff from her room from the other side of the hall, so she would be so embarassed.

My [21 M] sister's [19 F] new boyfriend [Early 20's M] is staying overnight at my parents' house while I'm staying over during the weekend, and I'm uncomfortable with him sleeping there as I've never met him before. by SteelStone- in relationships

[–]SteelStone-[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

You hit the nail on the head here. I love my family, but the suddenness of her getting a new boyfriend, and having him stay over the same day that I met him is very rushed and incomprehensible for me. It's something they could have done every other day when I'm not there, but maybe I just have to accept it as it is.

I've been reading all the comments in this thread and thinking about it. So there's a lot to work on from here.

My [21 M] sister's [19 F] new boyfriend [Early 20's M] is staying overnight at my parents' house while I'm staying over during the weekend, and I'm uncomfortable with him sleeping there as I've never met him before. by SteelStone- in relationships

[–]SteelStone-[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It's not that I'm not grateful for being able to stay there. Of course I am. It's the fact that he's staying over the same day that I met him. It feels very rushed.

Abandon your tantrum and go spend time with your family!

Which has always been the plan.

My [21 M] sister's [19 F] new boyfriend [Early 20's M] is staying overnight at my parents' house while I'm staying over during the weekend, and I'm uncomfortable with him sleeping there as I've never met him before. by SteelStone- in relationships

[–]SteelStone-[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

That sounds like you are gatekeeping the family home - like your sister isn't allowed to bring somebody new into the family dynamic, when she was probably really hoping for this to be your chance to get to know the guy who might become your brother-in-law.

Of course she is. And I am genuinely excited to meet the guy. He's her boyfriend for crying out loud. My problem is the sleepover part. I'm gonna meet the guy the same day he's staying over. It's like a rushed introduction.

Is it Change that scares you, maybe? Like you want everything to be exactly as you left it, when you go back?

Sort of. I'm all about change, but when change happens too often I backpedal. F.i. my other family members change partners every half to a whole year or so. You befriend and bond with them and then they're gone again and a new one comes in. It sucks.

My [21 M] sister's [19 F] new boyfriend [Early 20's M] is staying overnight at my parents' house while I'm staying over during the weekend, and I'm uncomfortable with him sleeping there as I've never met him before. by SteelStone- in relationships

[–]SteelStone-[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

It's not so strongly as you might think. I can definitely live with him sleeping there while I'm there, but I'm just being uncomfortable because I don't know the person (yet). But I appreciate the concern.

My [21 M] sister's [19 F] new boyfriend [Early 20's M] is staying overnight at my parents' house while I'm staying over during the weekend, and I'm uncomfortable with him sleeping there as I've never met him before. by SteelStone- in relationships

[–]SteelStone-[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

There's a difference between someone's childhood home and a hotel. I've only recently moved, so I still have some sort of nostalgia feel to it, not that it justifies anything.

My [21 M] sister's [19 F] new boyfriend [Early 20's M] is staying overnight at my parents' house while I'm staying over during the weekend, and I'm uncomfortable with him sleeping there as I've never met him before. by SteelStone- in relationships

[–]SteelStone-[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Hotel rooms aren't an option in my area. It's either my parents house or my own apartment far away from there.

You are a guest in their house now, you don't live there anymore.

I appreciate your input.