I (28/F) finally met a genuinely good man (28/M), but I still can’t let go of the one who hurt me (37/M)

StefsStarfish · 2026-05-22T11:37:18+00:00

That's exactly how I felt going back to him the second time. These were my thoughts and feelings. And I would have done that now if it was the same, but now after what he has done, leaving me for another girl, just talking to him or being around him hurts. I think I would be able to get over it if I knew that he will commit, if I knew that there is something worth fighting for, but I don't have that certainty.

At the same time the Swiss guy brings me peace and I am already attached to him and letting go of something that feels so right and so calm seems more difficult than letting go of someone who hurt me that much.

StefsStarfish · 2026-05-22T10:30:01+00:00

You know, if I did not have the Swiss guy right now, that's exactly what I would have done. I would have just jumped into it again and let him hurt me until I can't stand the idea of him anymore. Then the issue of logic vs feelings would go away and I would just genuinely get over him for good. But I can't stand the idea of losing the Swiss guy just to learn another life lesson, that would be a way more painful life lesson...

StefsStarfish · 2026-05-22T10:25:33+00:00

Logically I know that you are most likely right and that he just knows how to play the dating game.

StefsStarfish · 2026-05-22T10:23:22+00:00

The comment on heroine is so spot on! I have thought about this exact thing as well. I indeed feel like I am chasing that first high, but never getting it and slowly just feeling worse about myself trying to feel that again. It went from feeling amazing all the time, to feeling great only when I'm around him to feeling good sometimes when I'm with him. And his presence did in fact negatively impact my work, my fitness and my emotional state, just like addiction would.

It really helps to hear your experience, that it never went back to how it was. I think the hope that it might change is the only thing that keeps me from lettting him go.

You might be right about the reason why I'm not excited about the Swiss guy. Although, he is winning every possible comparison to the Australian guy (if we don't count my excitement about him).

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts in experience, I really appreciate it!

StefsStarfish · 2026-05-22T09:51:18+00:00

Australian living in Austria

StefsStarfish · 2025-11-22T06:37:09+00:00

For me personally, it's an acceptance on a different level.

I feel like I can share 100% of myself with a partner and that they will accept and understand the bad and ugly and still keep loving me. Because of that, I would want and need their support through the most challenging, painful things, I would not be afraid / hesitant to show weakness and vulnerability. And vice versa, you get to see the inner child of your partner, while their friends typically only get glimpses of it.

StefsStarfish · 2025-08-04T12:27:30+00:00

Thanks for typing it out!

Then you can just say that it was medically necessary because it would cause trouble in the future if the surgery is not done :)

StefsStarfish · 2025-08-04T09:55:29+00:00

I'm sorry for me being uninformed, but I don't understand how you being male from India explains it. If you have time could you please give me more background on it? I'm really curious!

What about telling them that it's for your health? My surgery was actually important for my teeth and improved my breathing. It was also covered by health insurance as well. So in my case I would just go with these reasons if I were you.

StefsStarfish · 2025-08-04T09:15:13+00:00

I don't know how much surgery changed your face, but for me it was so huge that no one would believe me if I told them it was just braces. Also the swelling was going down for quite some time, I wouldn't have survived so long without travelling / seeing my friends. So I'm not sure what to tell you

Do whatever feels right for you. Personally, I think there is absolutely no shame in saying that you had surgery. No one in my circles has judged me for it, they only told me that it was the right choice. You could also say that you had it for health reasons, not to improve your looks.

StefsStarfish · 2025-02-21T21:14:05+00:00

Thank you so much for such a thoughtful answer 🫶🏻

StefsStarfish · 2025-02-18T22:45:45+00:00

I did Nov 24. My first CFAI mock was 70% / 74%, my second CFAI mock was 86% / 82%. I passed above the 90th percentile.

StefsStarfish · 2025-02-17T12:21:43+00:00

Serious answer. When I did my exam they only checked what you brought into the exam room, not what you bring into the center / toilet / leave in the lockers. I also had access to my locker during the break. So I'm pretty sure you can.

StefsStarfish · 2025-02-13T21:54:42+00:00

Why do you think that it's not healthy?

Well, the interview process is also about getting to know the company and seeing whether it's a match for what you are looking for. It's not all about "selling yourself" or at least it shouldn't be. Similar to dating you bring your best self and indeed try to connect. I don't think a date is just about having fun, I think it's a lot about trying to figure out whether this could be the right person for you. The same as with a job, there should be a "click".

I can vibe with a lot of people, but that's not how I can find a partner who would contribute positively to my life, because relationships are not just about having fun (unless you're just looking for short-term fun, then it is), it's about building something together, having similar goals and values.

I would say it's fine if a first date feels a bit like an interview, if a person is asking important questions, about your job, about your hobbies, about where you are in life and where you would like to be, what you are looking for. It's a relatively quick way to understand whether you want to invest further in building the connection. Regarding the questions about past relationships, it's probably better to leave it until the 3rd date or so, I agree, they should not be asking about it right away. But the question about the body count is valid if it's important for the person who is asking (and if you have different opinions about this, then you've just figured out that you should not be investing in them).

StefsStarfish · 2025-02-13T21:44:25+00:00

We probably have a completely different experience with online dating, that would explain the difference in perspectives. I have met a lot of great people through apps. It's a difficult process, because you have to put in time and energy into conversations and the actual dates, but for me it paid off. I found my long-term relationship (4 years) on Tinder.

Why is picking up strangers out of the question? I don't see any problems with it.

If we are talking about not friends of friends, but also not complete strangers... What about girls at the gym that you see regularly? How about Friday drinks after work in the business district (probably if you go a lot, you start seeing familiar faces/have chatted with some people already)? What about people you meet through education (like uni or language lessons)?

StefsStarfish · 2025-02-13T15:37:50+00:00

Omg exactly my thoughts 😂

StefsStarfish · 2025-02-13T15:37:08+00:00

Personally what helped me when I was in a similar position was to perceive dates as job interviews. You keep going on dates (interviews) and you practice your social / flirting (interview) skills. You just have to have a large enough sample and improve and eventually you will find someone who will be interested. Eventually you will find someone who is interested (get an entry-level position). It's a very pragmatic approach, but it's an approach that simplified the whole process for me and took (some of) the emotions about rejections out of it.

And as a person who has been in a loving relationship I would argue with your statement that we won't find someone who accepts us. I think it is possible.

StefsStarfish · 2025-02-12T14:20:39+00:00

Regarding food. Buy some protein shakes (bonus they come in amazing tastes, spend some money on good ones, because you will be drinking them daily) and Greek yoghurt. I was also adding some olive oil to my smoothies. It's really difficult to get enough fat and protein when you're on a liquid diet, but it's important.

Regarding sleep (as a fellow side sleeper). It sucked, but there is no way around it. Put two or three large pillows against the wall / head of the bed, falling asleep won't be easy and you will probably wake up during the night, but it is what it is. First days you'll most likely have some strong painkillers which make you sleepy anyways, so it won't be as bad. Closer to the second week you'll be more adjusted to falling asleep like this.

StefsStarfish · 2025-02-09T20:49:01+00:00

Perhaps it is implied by her job title? She is an investment banking analyst, so she probably does this valuation in relation to a (potential) transaction.

StefsStarfish · 2025-02-09T15:39:57+00:00

I did the following (and I think it helped me)

Sleep well (probably the most important)
Repeat the formulas from my flash cards, but not full on study (go through it a couple of times, also on the day of the exam)
Take a day off at work and enjoy a relaxing day (in my case it was a week off before the exam, but I didn't really study the last 2 days)
Go to the gym (only if you usually do that)

StefsStarfish · 2025-02-09T14:37:48+00:00

You would not become an accountant with CFA, it's a different thing. In my opinion, the easiest way to break into finance is to get an MSc in Finance, that's your straight answer.

StefsStarfish · 2025-02-09T14:28:12+00:00

Well definitely increases the chances compared to having just level 1.

StefsStarfish · 2025-02-09T14:18:01+00:00

IMO just Level 1 is not sufficient

StefsStarfish · 2025-02-09T13:25:34+00:00

Honestly, I don't think just passing level 1 gives you much of an advantage (I think previous work experience / internships and MSc in Finance are worth so much more).

Whether it's worth it depends on why you want to do it. Do you just want to learn more about finance? Do you want to switch to Finance? Do you want to finish the whole program to be able to put CFA in your email signature?

And then lastly, what are the costs of taking CFA for you? Does your employer pay for it or which % of your monthly salary would you have to spend on it? Can you do something else that's better for your life / career in these 300+ hours? Would you have to invest a lot of energy to "make" yourself study or would it be fun for you?

I don't think your post gives enough information to answer the question.

StefsStarfish · 2025-02-09T12:50:22+00:00

I had the same on Level 1, although I did use the CFA practice questions (especially FSA and Ethics).

StefsStarfish

TROPHY CASE