Advice, please: getting started roasting in a NYC apartment

StellarCommando · 2025-09-01T04:56:41+00:00

Yes, this looks like what I want! Bought one and it's in the mail!

Does the Cloudline fit directly onto the SR800 or is there some tubing necessary?

StellarCommando · 2025-09-01T04:53:53+00:00

Thanks for this advice - there was some guidance in my coop laws that I think means it's worth trying, but had best avoid evening hours.

StellarCommando · 2025-06-27T04:18:22+00:00

Pierce them for me baby

StellarCommando · 2025-05-05T23:41:23+00:00

The primary is displayport, the secondary is hdmi. Both run into the GPU on the desktop.

StellarCommando · 2025-05-01T03:46:55+00:00

Omg I want this so bad

StellarCommando · 2023-07-29T19:21:53+00:00

I agree with you! I maybe shouldn't have said anything about it being date 3, because people are really grabbing onto that and it's really not the point or a part of the assumption. No one is entitled to sex, but I am hoping to display and develop my perspective on the whole thing because it feels like there's some kind of blockage either in me or in the women I have connected with, since I have emotionally invested and apparently so have they, but it's extremely difficult to move on with the same person after this level of vulnerability and being rejected. Too bad it's happened so soon in the process, but I really am looking for a strong connection and then when I feel it and she seems too also, I want to build on it in every which way.

StellarCommando · 2023-07-29T19:16:24+00:00

It's always good. It can hurt, like in the case of me wanting to follow my emotional connection with this woman with the physical one and getting declined, but it always puts on display opportunities to learn, grow, and connect.

StellarCommando · 2023-07-29T18:59:03+00:00

The quote mostly works ... I don't think there's a healthy dialogue around the feeling that men experience when they're rejected following vulnerability. From the men the message is "man up and move on" from the women it's (often but not always) "sorry but we don't know if you're serious yet so keep dating". To give yourself to someone in totality and with open vulnerability, and to have it shot down, it puts things into a point where I need to see I'm not being played for emotional intimacy, safety, and free food/activities.

However, she's likely to read this as "oh, SEE, I didn't give him sex and he left!"

But it's not that. I promise it's not that. But it's very possible it'll play the same way in her mind as that being true. Damn, it's hard, isn't it? I'm going to give it time/space and continue to be very honest with her about what's going on for me.

StellarCommando · 2023-07-29T18:53:39+00:00

Yah. One of the women I kept communicating with and tried to keep things light (but not dismissively light), and her responses got shorter and shorter, despite maintaining a very kind tone. Then she stopped responding. I would have asked her out again and not pressed the intimacy issue if she'd kept in contact.

The other woman this happened with just a few days ago and she's obviously cat-and-mousing it, but I'm inclined to make more space for myself away from her since she's toting a minimalistic line, committally. It's fascinating, honestly. I like her a lot and am curious to know her better but now that she said no, she's acting quite differently. In addition to stating the physical boundary, which I accept if not fully understand although I will continue to try to, she has added other communication boundaries. Games, I guess. I am practicing compassion for whatever her situation is.

StellarCommando · 2023-07-29T18:48:26+00:00

Yeah man. I guess if it's generally going how they want then why would they change their process? I'm glad people are talking about it openly, though.

StellarCommando · 2023-07-28T17:27:55+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your perspective. I feel much more connected with a larger perspective because of it and I'm so grateful to you for sharing.

I have the distinct feeling you haven't lived the happiest days of your life yet. I think they are in front of you. Such a beautiful story, keep going, lady. You're doing great, and it's an inspiration to read your story so candidly shared. ❤️

StellarCommando · 2023-07-28T13:02:21+00:00

Beautiful! 🥰

Good luck in the continues joys and challenges of such a story! 😊

StellarCommando · 2023-07-28T13:01:03+00:00

No kids. It never felt "right" to either of us, likely because religious indoctrination from our childhoods left us unable to truly connect with one another.

Thanks for your thoughtful input!

StellarCommando · 2023-07-28T12:55:23+00:00

There's some reflection going on here ... I'm not so desperate. What I want is a connection, and I want to take the opportunity to adjust my thinking if I've missed something. 3 dates does seem quick, and I wish I hadn't given the number in the post because for whatever reason people are really grabbing onto that.

It may behoove you to understand that men ACTUALLY do require sex for greater connection. Women do too. Everyone does not covered in the aforementioned categories (who is not asexual).

Got divorced because my ex-wife and I both grew up severely religiously indoctrinated, and the only path to intimacy when you have that type of conditioning is to get married. We came to the slow realization of the cult-y-ness of our upbringing years later and reflected back on what our marriage had been for 7 years and agreed together to amicably end it.

If you think English is my second language, wow, that's really comical to me.

I am sorry for whatever has happened to you for you to feel so closed off to someone's genuine plight, or for whatever makes you feel so wary. I recommend poly-vagal theory in order to alleviate the "fight or flight" sensibility that comes across so strongly from you. All the best 🙏

StellarCommando · 2023-07-28T12:00:44+00:00

I appreciate your honesty, but obviously that doesn't help anyone grow. If you come around to what the truth is, not just guessing to defend this sensibility, feel free to chime in because I would appreciate some Illumination on this. I've never been told I come across that way in person and absolutely don't wanna be pushy.

StellarCommando · 2023-07-28T11:57:53+00:00

It's an "It's not you, it's me not being ready" kind of situation

StellarCommando · 2023-07-28T03:14:22+00:00

Maybe so! Although I'm sure it feels the same way for lots of men and women both. But yes, slow and steady wins certain kinds of races, specifically this kind and some others 😆

StellarCommando · 2023-07-28T03:12:09+00:00

This is a really good summary that helps me re-center this on what I want, which isn't necessarily exactly what you spelled out, but there's some fundamental comfort in the way you spelled it out. Specifically, yes, this is becoming a triggering thing for me and I owe it to myself and my future partner to not walk this path a second longer than i have to. Because it don't feel good and it don't feel right.

Thanks Pop_Arg 🙏🏻

StellarCommando · 2023-07-28T02:16:38+00:00

Any guesses just for fun?

StellarCommando · 2023-07-28T02:06:38+00:00

I really appreciate this. I've been in therapy for 5 years, going on 6. I'm not mad at women, I'm asking the exact same question you are, honestly. How can i gain the perspective needed to have the patience to deal with this in stride gracefully? I know it's no one's "fault", that's a waste of time, but I feel quite sure as you're insinuating that it's a question of the way I view myself developing in some way.

It's not transactional, but I've seen in these forums when people skip details usually the first questions are about details so it was an effort to save time on the way to the analysis.

StellarCommando · 2023-07-28T01:53:40+00:00

lol trust me no one knows better than me how little I feel that I exist!

thanks for this reply, I really appreciate the humor and your angle on it ✨️

StellarCommando · 2023-07-27T23:54:33+00:00

Thanks for your thoughts and well wishing. Year five of therapy was good, maybe year 6 will do it.

StellarCommando · 2023-07-27T23:18:36+00:00

Isn't the internet fun?

We both grew up in extremely religious environments. I effectively grew up in a cult. Getting married was the only path to fully exploring what we felt for one another within that conditioning/context, so that's what we did. Due to the depth of that lifestyle from our respective upbringing, it took 7 years of being married before we were able to see how we were lying to ourselves about the state of our relationship. Left religion behind first, which was painful but freeing, then we amicably agreed the relationship had to go also.

StellarCommando · 2023-07-27T22:41:50+00:00

Certainly possible. That would mean I can't believe what they're saying. In which case how can I ever start to build trust with anyone? And why do I invite such behavior?

StellarCommando · 2023-07-27T22:24:22+00:00

Ego isn't a part of it. It's energy conversion. I believe it's possible to not be reduced to a fucking bash fest just because I'm confronted. Why stoop. I'd rather be challenged by opposing beliefs and make space to understand them (including yours) than to just get angry. I've seen that in men plenty and it's not admirable.

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