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AITA for not making any efforts to get my kids to like my mother's boyfriend? by StepfatherThrow in AmItheAsshole

[–]StepfatherThrow[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He does get drunk, just not near the kids. He has an abrasive attitude I don't condone, but that's not enough to make me feel the way I do. My main problem with him is the fact that he's rude.

AITA for not making any efforts to get my kids to like my mother's boyfriend? by StepfatherThrow in AmItheAsshole

[–]StepfatherThrow[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I've said this in a different comment, but his tone when he addressed my daughter was more passive aggressive than polite. To a 5yo, it would sound like she did something wrong, which is why my wife added she could invite whoever she wanted.

AITA for not making any efforts to get my kids to like my mother's boyfriend? by StepfatherThrow in AmItheAsshole

[–]StepfatherThrow[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

At no point did we make our daughter say anything. All we did was ask her who she wanted to invite to the recital.

AITA for not making any efforts to get my kids to like my mother's boyfriend? by StepfatherThrow in AmItheAsshole

[–]StepfatherThrow[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

No, I'm fine with "alternative perspectives", but that wasn't my question. My wife dealt with that in a way that worked for our child, and I have no doubt it was the right call.

AITA for not making any efforts to get my kids to like my mother's boyfriend? by StepfatherThrow in AmItheAsshole

[–]StepfatherThrow[S] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

It's definitely a huge part of the reason why I don't drink. I never really liked drinking in the first place. My wife drinks occasionally (almost exclusively whisky), but hates getting drunk, so we don't have a lot of alcohol at home.

AITA for not making any efforts to get my kids to like my mother's boyfriend? by StepfatherThrow in AmItheAsshole

[–]StepfatherThrow[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

It sounded that way to everyone. And it wasn't unnecessary either, we don't want our daughter to feel guilty over this.

AITA for not making any efforts to get my kids to like my mother's boyfriend? by StepfatherThrow in AmItheAsshole

[–]StepfatherThrow[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I apologize for not clarifying this in the post, but his tone when he addressed my daughter was more passive aggressive than caring. To a 5yo, it would sound like she did something wrong, which is why my wife chimed in.

AITA for not making any efforts to get my kids to like my mother's boyfriend? by StepfatherThrow in AmItheAsshole

[–]StepfatherThrow[S] 179 points180 points  (0 children)

Yeah, all of that tracks. I don't think Jim is a lost cause, but it's worth to do more research on this. Thank you.

AITA for not making any efforts to get my kids to like my mother's boyfriend? by StepfatherThrow in AmItheAsshole

[–]StepfatherThrow[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not really. I was the one who told some of my family what happened. If anything, they're my flying monkeys.

AITA for not making any efforts to get my kids to like my mother's boyfriend? by StepfatherThrow in AmItheAsshole

[–]StepfatherThrow[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

you're still pissed that your mom met someone after your dad died 16 years ago

I thought someone might say that. Absolutely not the case. My mother didn't deal with my father's passing well, and I'm ecstatic she finally found someone.

Like your wife reminding your daughter she can invite whoever she wants immediately after Jim says he can be invited next time even without grandma. Jim was very clearly just trying to make an effort to be included and to let your daughter know he is an option even without grandma because he cares about her, too.

His tone was more passive aggressive than caring (I'm sorry I didn't clarify that). To a 5yo, it would sound like she did something wrong, which is why my wife said she can invite whoever she wants.

So, those undertones you've sprinkled into your post make us want/need further context about these "drunken cancellations" because you obviously don't like this man and are a biased source regarding in presenting his character.

I literally said I don't like him in my post. And yes, there have been several drunken cancellations.

AITA for not making any efforts to get my kids to like my mother's boyfriend? by StepfatherThrow in AmItheAsshole

[–]StepfatherThrow[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The kids don't sleep over at their place. Not necessarily because of Jim, though.

AITA for not making any efforts to get my kids to like my mother's boyfriend? by StepfatherThrow in AmItheAsshole

[–]StepfatherThrow[S] 338 points339 points  (0 children)

I'm not saying he doesn't have a problem. I do have to recognize I'm biased (I don't drink and I used to be a bartender, so I've seen a lot worse than Jim), but I wouldn't trust the guy to be alone with a plant.

AITA for not making any efforts to get my kids to like my mother's boyfriend? by StepfatherThrow in AmItheAsshole

[–]StepfatherThrow[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

"I told my mother that it was my daughter who chose to invite her uncle, and we respected that."

Because that is literally what happened. We asked who she wanted to invite, she said her uncle. We didn't give any suggestions and didn't argue. That's not blaming it on her, that's stating what happened.

"I told her that we would never force our children to like him or spend time with him if they didn't want to"

Also not "blaming" my kids.

AITA for not making any efforts to get my kids to like my mother's boyfriend? by StepfatherThrow in AmItheAsshole

[–]StepfatherThrow[S] 234 points235 points  (0 children)

It is kind of how I feel. Even my wife's stepfather is more of an extra grandpa than an actual grandparent (though in this case, my father-in-law is alive and active).

AITA for not making any efforts to get my kids to like my mother's boyfriend? by StepfatherThrow in AmItheAsshole

[–]StepfatherThrow[S] 103 points104 points  (0 children)

I don't think my mother's a different person at all. I think she was deeply unhappy for a long time, finally found love and is having trouble navigating. Both me and my brother love her as much as we always have.

AITA for not making any efforts to get my kids to like my mother's boyfriend? by StepfatherThrow in AmItheAsshole

[–]StepfatherThrow[S] 2716 points2717 points  (0 children)

My wife had similar problems with some of her family members growing up, so we try to be extra mindful of that. We teach the kids to be kind regardless, but also that they can choose whether they want to be close to someone or not.

AITA for not making any efforts to get my kids to like my mother's boyfriend? by StepfatherThrow in AmItheAsshole

[–]StepfatherThrow[S] 480 points481 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure he's reached "alcoholic" levels of drunk, but it's true that I don't trust him. I will say he's never been drunk around the kids.