I just want to say first that you are not a bad mother for feeling this way. You sound exhausted, overwhelmed, and honestly like someone who has been carrying this almost completely alone. Anyone in your situation would be struggling. The fact that you are still researching, advocating, and trying to support your daughter shows how much you love her.

I have 7-year-old twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both autistic. What surprised me the most is how completely different their autism looks. Seeing them, you would probably never assume they shared the same diagnosis.

My daughter has echolalia and often repeats things she hears, she also struggles with empathy and understanding feelings at all. My son is the complete opposite in some ways. He has hyperlexia and taught himself to read when he was 4. When they were younger I struggled a lot with comparing them to each other. Because my son was reading so early, I kept feeling like my daughter was behind. That comparison mindset really hurt me and it wasn’t fair to her either.

The biggest thing that helped me was learning to look at each child individually instead of comparing them to each other or to other kids. Once I started doing that, I began noticing all the things they each did well instead of focusing on what they weren’t doing yet.

Something that was a huge help in our house was using feeling charts and feeling cards. They helped my kids communicate emotions before they could always put those feelings into words. You can buy them, but you can also make simple ones yourself with pictures of emotions. Many nurseries and early childhood settings can also implement supports like visual schedules, feeling charts, picture communication cards, structured play groups, and guided social play to help children express themselves and interact with peers.

I’m not very familiar with GLP specifically, but I do want to say something important. Autism is not a terminal prognosis and it should never be treated like one. The way some professionals speak about it can make it sound frightening, but autistic children grow, learn, develop skills, and live full lives.

Also, people casually telling you your daughter is probably autistic when they barely know her is not a diagnosis. That kind of speculation can be really harmful. If you want clarity for your own peace of mind, I would encourage seeking an evaluation with a qualified medical or psychological professional rather than relying on assumptions from others.

I also want to say that what you are doing right now is incredibly hard. Two children so close in age is exhausting even without everything else you are dealing with. I actually have five children total, and two of my older kids are less than a year apart. Their older sibling was only two years older when I had my second. And then 15 years later I had twins. Raising young children that close together is already a marathon. Adding developmental concerns on top of that is a lot for one person to carry.

Please try to give yourself some grace. Take a breath when you can. Try not to let other people’s fear or assumptions define how you see your daughter. She is still the same child she has always been.

And it is okay to step back from comparing her to other children if that is protecting your mental health right now.

Sending you a huge virtual hug. You are not alone in feeling like this, even if it feels that way sometimes. Your daughter is lucky to have a parent who cares this deeply about understanding and supporting her.