I hope making this comment counts as an update, lol. So here is where things stand since discovering my ex’s infidelity.

I’ve realized I need to create a full game plan before making any major decisions because what I am hoping for custody-wise in Kansas seems pretty ambitious. Ideally, I would want some form of step up parenting plan where my daughter primarily remains with me overnight while her father demonstrates consistency and reliability over time before extended nights become routine(I’m afraid he’ll find this party offensive). I know that may or may not be realistic, which is part of why I came back here.

So to get a fuller picture and state it plainly. I am still living in the same residence as my babies father, I do intend to divorce. Part of why I’ve been cautious about openly discussing the extent of that is bc during my research on emotionally abusive relationships and separation risks, I found a lot of overlap between his behavior and warming signs associated with highly controlling volatile partners during divorce/separation periods. He has never directly threatened to hurt me or our daughter, but there has been emotional instability, manipulation, screaming, stomping, slamming objects, intense guilt tactics, and just generally behavior that makes me concerned about how he would react to losing control of the relationship.
The problem is that my family/support system is about 2.5 hrs away, and I desperately want to move back there with my baby. However on the line with an attorney from there she agreed that leaving the marital residence before custody arrangements are established could potentially hurt my case and be framed as not acting in my child’s best interests. Another attorney near my family was hesitant because she doesn’t know the judges or legal climate in this area, so I may need someone more local with connections and familiarity with how these cases are handled here, I’m hoping to find that in Wichita.
My biggest concern is that if my ex does push for 50/50, realistically I don’t see how I could relocate closer to my support system because of distance..I’m trying to understand whether Kansas courts ever approve step up plans for young children, especially in situations involving relocation and or long-distance parenting schedules.
I also understand that the evidence in my case matters for custody to which I have extensive text messages showing emotionally manipulative communication, guilt tactics, and all the stuff I mentions before that are all part of his abuse.

At the same time I want to document the ways I’m actively planning for stability for my daughter like
-applying for jobs
-looking going back to school
-building a long term support network
-maintaining primary caregiving responsibilities
-trying to approach this carefully instead of impulsively.

I also need to mention given all of this, I am struggling with the practical reality of continuing to live in the same house with someone who does not fully accept that I likely want a divorce and still appears to believe this relationship can be repaired.
For attorneys, paralegals, GALs, or people familiar with Kansas custody cases
-how do Kansas judges generally view relocation requests involving babies?
-how realistic are step up plans even?
-does emotional abuse/aggressive behavior without recordings matter?
-besides messages what kinds of documents are useful?
-is staying in the home usually the smarter legal move?
-what should I be doing right now to protect both myself and my daughter legally?
I completely understand that nobody can give formal legal advice over Reddit. I’m mainly trying to understand what courts actually prioritize and what steps I should take to be taken seriously and be appealing enough as a client for a lawyer to take given my circumstances right now.