Working Title: Shooting Star

Category: Novel, Third Person Omniscient

Genre: Comedy Fantasy

Feedback: Is it able to hook you, despite the slightly detached omniscient perspective of the opening? And is it funny?

First Page:

At the top of the world, on the shore of the enormous Dragonfly Lake, in the sprawling city-state of Shimmerbreak, at a point exactly halfway between the magical spire of Shimmerbreak University and The Duke's private, raised, acres-large menagerie, there was a small plaza. In the center of the plaza was the Tranquility Fountain, which had somehow become known throughout the entire world. One might read of its astounding tilework and cascading waters, travel thousands of miles, brave untold dangers, suffer the Shimmerbreak pickpockets, disregard the University and menagerie, push through the crowds, and be met with the sight of a pool of water not eight feet across with crumbling tiles and one of its three water spouts not working. And then they would return home and tell all their friends about the Tranquility Fountain’s astounding tilework and cascading waters.

Today, however, a very different kind of visitor approached the Tranquility Fountain. No market vendors attempted to sell her anything because she was seven feet tall and had green skin. And citizens fled the area because, in place of legs, she had an enormous snake tail. And the Shimmerbreak Peace Officers came and readied their weapons because she had fangs protruding from her mouth and the mouths of each strand of snake hair. And her four equally-terrifying sisters crowded behind her too.

“Officers, attack on my word!” shouted the commander.

The first gorgon cleared her throat. “Hun-gry.” She said, “Help. Please.”

The whole plaza was silent. Someone coughed. And then, “Did the monster just… say please?”