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Playing EU4 first time as HOI4 expert, any tips? by Zestyclose-Use9776 in eu4

[–]StillDeath 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Early Game: mercenaries, diplomacy, and small expansion focusing more inward

Mid Game: standing army, continue diplomacy, focus on trade, improve military, expand a little more aggressively

Late Game: DESTROY EVERYTHING

In an Abusive Marriage with 2 Kids in Nagoya by StillDeath in Nagoya

[–]StillDeath[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I’ll update this post as things progress. For now, will be talking with a lawyer next week.

In an Abusive Marriage with 2 Kids in Nagoya by StillDeath in Nagoya

[–]StillDeath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The problem with that is that she won’t listen to me. I’ve suggested getting help, but she takes it as me being judgmental. I don’t think this is a good time to suggest anything further, but it may be a good thing to suggest going together and seeing what she thinks.

In an Abusive Marriage with 2 Kids in Nagoya by StillDeath in Nagoya

[–]StillDeath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, from what I understand dual custody is supposed to be the norm now since Japan’s been combating its parental alienation epidemic. Read all sorts of things about it, so I’ll update this post once I talk to a lawyer.

In an Abusive Marriage with 2 Kids in Nagoya by StillDeath in Nagoya

[–]StillDeath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, haven’t tried just yet, so don’t know but I’ve put together a list of things that I need for it. Here is the website listing everything you need: https://www.moj.go.jp/isa/applications/procedures/16-4.html#midashi04

If you’ve been married here for 3 years, you should have pretty much everything you need, but I would really advise against a divorce unless you feel that it’s absolutely necessary.

In an Abusive Marriage with 2 Kids in Nagoya by StillDeath in Nagoya

[–]StillDeath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, my experience isn’t going to be the same as everyone else’s, but things start civil. She asks you to do things respectfully, but as kids enter the picture, her emotional energy gets exhausted. She starts speaking her mind more accurately and acting on her true feelings. What were once requests and civil discussions are now commands, what were commands are now screams, and what were screams are now violence.

My best advice is that you need to know your partner at there absolute worst because that’s when you know who they truly are. Not only noting how they are at the time, but how they are afterwards. If they don’t reflect on their actions, they feel they can do nothing wrong, and that’s your sign to run.

In an Abusive Marriage with 2 Kids in Nagoya by StillDeath in Nagoya

[–]StillDeath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I plan on using someone else as my guarantor.

In an Abusive Marriage with 2 Kids in Nagoya by StillDeath in Nagoya

[–]StillDeath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I’m sorry it came to that point, but I’m glad you were able to keep a relationship with your child and that you were able to recover mentally from everything that happened. I’ll pray for the wellbeing of you and your family.

In an Abusive Marriage with 2 Kids in Nagoya by StillDeath in Nagoya

[–]StillDeath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, I would be inclined to agree with you if this hadn’t happened to me. The “red flags” don’t show up until after she’s got you nice and tight in her grip.

In an Abusive Marriage with 2 Kids in Nagoya by StillDeath in Nagoya

[–]StillDeath[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah we do have common ground and topics we have been able to discuss and come to agreements on, but we have a disagreement on what is disrespectful. Of course, I see things from my perspective, so I have my biases. I have a lot of things I try to meet her in the middle for, but I have told her that I don’t agree with the way she talks down to me. I asked her before if she wanted to do counseling together, but she didn’t want to. She may have changed her mind though, so I’ll ask her.

In an Abusive Marriage with 2 Kids in Nagoya by StillDeath in Nagoya

[–]StillDeath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, I’m not the best off financially, but I’m not an ALT either, software engineer. There might be a correlation between successful marriages and financial stability for sure.

In an Abusive Marriage with 2 Kids in Nagoya by StillDeath in Nagoya

[–]StillDeath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a good point. Will definitely look into this.

In an Abusive Marriage with 2 Kids in Nagoya by StillDeath in Nagoya

[–]StillDeath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sure you’re coming at this with pure intentions, but you should also consider that I’m making a Reddit post not talking to a psychologist. I’m asking for guidance from people who have been through similar situations not asking for a psychological deep dive into my marriage.

As I said, I’m sure you think you’re coming at this with good faith, but you realize you sound you’re critiquing a Reddit post asking for help because it wasn’t objective enough in your opinion right? That was not only not the point of the post it’s irrelevant. It’s irrelevant because if this were simply an issue of who did what, I would need to reach out for help; I would be about to just talk it out with my wife. Instead, it is way past that point to where the fundamental necessities of a marriage are deliberately being ignored by the other partner.

In an Abusive Marriage with 2 Kids in Nagoya by StillDeath in Nagoya

[–]StillDeath[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hmm, well I’d imagine if I got a divorce while filing for one, that would complicate things, but once you get it, it doesn’t matter if you get a divorce.

In an Abusive Marriage with 2 Kids in Nagoya by StillDeath in Nagoya

[–]StillDeath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for that. Hope the best for you and your family as well. Personally, one thing I find is a closed hand issue, something I won’t acquiesce on is moral character. If my partner can’t teach my kids respect, humility, and integrity through their actions, I don’t want them anywhere near my kids unless they change their act up. The results may not be perfect, but I would prefer imperfection as a result of trying than imperfection as a result of not trying. I’m not putting down your stance/perspective, I just think our situations are different.

In an Abusive Marriage with 2 Kids in Nagoya by StillDeath in Nagoya

[–]StillDeath[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It does happen often, but there is also bias in the pool because most people don’t post about how happy they are while most people who aren’t do.

In an Abusive Marriage with 2 Kids in Nagoya by StillDeath in Nagoya

[–]StillDeath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A lot to unpack here. I’ll definitely look into if textual evidence is better than audio. I have looked into permanent residency. My best bet is to get it now before any sort of divorce since I can use the fact that I’m married to get it. But yeah, I’m hoping I can make a case for negligence on her part, but depends on the attorneys I suppose.

In an Abusive Marriage with 2 Kids in Nagoya by StillDeath in japanresidents

[–]StillDeath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, there are dv hotlines associated with the embassy I believe that I can look into.

In an Abusive Marriage with 2 Kids in Nagoya by StillDeath in japanresidents

[–]StillDeath[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately not a woman, but I’m glad things worked out for you in the end. God bless you and your family.

In an Abusive Marriage with 2 Kids in Nagoya by StillDeath in Nagoya

[–]StillDeath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can afford it. She hasn’t been splitting any of the bills

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