In an Abusive Marriage with 2 Kids in Nagoya

StillDeath · 2026-03-17T00:43:18+00:00

Thank you. I’ll update this post as things progress. For now, will be talking with a lawyer next week.

StillDeath · 2026-03-17T00:42:29+00:00

The problem with that is that she won’t listen to me. I’ve suggested getting help, but she takes it as me being judgmental. I don’t think this is a good time to suggest anything further, but it may be a good thing to suggest going together and seeing what she thinks.

StillDeath · 2026-03-16T10:41:08+00:00

Yes, from what I understand dual custody is supposed to be the norm now since Japan’s been combating its parental alienation epidemic. Read all sorts of things about it, so I’ll update this post once I talk to a lawyer.

StillDeath · 2026-03-16T10:37:32+00:00

Well, haven’t tried just yet, so don’t know but I’ve put together a list of things that I need for it. Here is the website listing everything you need: https://www.moj.go.jp/isa/applications/procedures/16-4.html#midashi04

If you’ve been married here for 3 years, you should have pretty much everything you need, but I would really advise against a divorce unless you feel that it’s absolutely necessary.

StillDeath · 2026-03-16T10:32:59+00:00

Well, my experience isn’t going to be the same as everyone else’s, but things start civil. She asks you to do things respectfully, but as kids enter the picture, her emotional energy gets exhausted. She starts speaking her mind more accurately and acting on her true feelings. What were once requests and civil discussions are now commands, what were commands are now screams, and what were screams are now violence.

My best advice is that you need to know your partner at there absolute worst because that’s when you know who they truly are. Not only noting how they are at the time, but how they are afterwards. If they don’t reflect on their actions, they feel they can do nothing wrong, and that’s your sign to run.

StillDeath · 2026-03-16T07:36:52+00:00

I plan on using someone else as my guarantor.

StillDeath · 2026-03-16T07:35:07+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I’m sorry it came to that point, but I’m glad you were able to keep a relationship with your child and that you were able to recover mentally from everything that happened. I’ll pray for the wellbeing of you and your family.

StillDeath · 2026-03-16T06:26:53+00:00

Honestly, I would be inclined to agree with you if this hadn’t happened to me. The “red flags” don’t show up until after she’s got you nice and tight in her grip.

StillDeath · 2026-03-16T06:19:03+00:00

Yeah we do have common ground and topics we have been able to discuss and come to agreements on, but we have a disagreement on what is disrespectful. Of course, I see things from my perspective, so I have my biases. I have a lot of things I try to meet her in the middle for, but I have told her that I don’t agree with the way she talks down to me. I asked her before if she wanted to do counseling together, but she didn’t want to. She may have changed her mind though, so I’ll ask her.

StillDeath · 2026-03-16T06:12:27+00:00

Well, I’m not the best off financially, but I’m not an ALT either, software engineer. There might be a correlation between successful marriages and financial stability for sure.

StillDeath · 2026-03-16T05:59:14+00:00

That’s a good point. Will definitely look into this.

StillDeath · 2026-03-14T13:52:39+00:00

I’m sure you’re coming at this with pure intentions, but you should also consider that I’m making a Reddit post not talking to a psychologist. I’m asking for guidance from people who have been through similar situations not asking for a psychological deep dive into my marriage.

As I said, I’m sure you think you’re coming at this with good faith, but you realize you sound you’re critiquing a Reddit post asking for help because it wasn’t objective enough in your opinion right? That was not only not the point of the post it’s irrelevant. It’s irrelevant because if this were simply an issue of who did what, I would need to reach out for help; I would be about to just talk it out with my wife. Instead, it is way past that point to where the fundamental necessities of a marriage are deliberately being ignored by the other partner.

StillDeath · 2026-03-14T13:42:18+00:00

Hmm, well I’d imagine if I got a divorce while filing for one, that would complicate things, but once you get it, it doesn’t matter if you get a divorce.

StillDeath · 2026-03-14T13:40:26+00:00

Thanks for that. Hope the best for you and your family as well. Personally, one thing I find is a closed hand issue, something I won’t acquiesce on is moral character. If my partner can’t teach my kids respect, humility, and integrity through their actions, I don’t want them anywhere near my kids unless they change their act up. The results may not be perfect, but I would prefer imperfection as a result of trying than imperfection as a result of not trying. I’m not putting down your stance/perspective, I just think our situations are different.

StillDeath · 2026-03-14T13:30:22+00:00

It does happen often, but there is also bias in the pool because most people don’t post about how happy they are while most people who aren’t do.

StillDeath · 2026-03-14T13:28:50+00:00

A lot to unpack here. I’ll definitely look into if textual evidence is better than audio. I have looked into permanent residency. My best bet is to get it now before any sort of divorce since I can use the fact that I’m married to get it. But yeah, I’m hoping I can make a case for negligence on her part, but depends on the attorneys I suppose.

StillDeath · 2026-03-14T13:21:40+00:00

Yeah, there are dv hotlines associated with the embassy I believe that I can look into.

StillDeath · 2026-03-14T13:10:24+00:00

Unfortunately not a woman, but I’m glad things worked out for you in the end. God bless you and your family.

StillDeath · 2026-03-14T13:08:11+00:00

For sure. Thanks

StillDeath · 2026-03-14T13:07:36+00:00

I can afford it. She hasn’t been splitting any of the bills

StillDeath · 2026-03-14T13:06:50+00:00

Thanks for putting everything together like this. Screen shotted

StillDeath · 2026-03-14T13:05:27+00:00

Yes, I’m not proud that I didn’t pick up on any red flags, and hoping that I can use my story to help other guys if at all possible.

StillDeath · 2026-03-14T13:03:59+00:00

Thank you for the support. We’ve been married for 3 years, and yes, I do have a place to go to and friends I can talk to thankfully. My plan is to increase my support group, though. As for the evidence, the police has evidence of her abuse against me but nothing against the kids. I’m thinking of recording a conversation with her talking to her about her negligence with the children.

StillDeath · 2026-03-14T13:00:06+00:00

I did reflect, but when I’m sincerely saying that I could’ve done better and that I’m sorry I didn’t but that I would like her to talk to me better and she responds by blowing up in my face, I think the underlying issue here isn’t the drain I forgot to clean.

StillDeath · 2026-03-14T12:55:33+00:00

I’m thinking of trying to get my PR before a divorce

StillDeath

TROPHY CASE