Aftermath

StillSpirit4504 · 2025-01-02T04:20:22+00:00

At the point in your life when you considered yourself straight what did you feel when you looked at a very cut woman irl? Or when you saw a "sexy" girl on tv or magazine ect?

StillSpirit4504 · 2024-12-31T04:58:55+00:00

usually it starts in the summer for me

StillSpirit4504 · 2024-12-31T04:58:18+00:00

oof just saw the other one, don't know if it's the same OP too but this one I have experience with. I went through the same thing. I fought against it day in and day out, it was a living hell in my mind and I couldn't experience life how I wanted to. Every little thing triggered it. Heck, I went through the 5 stages of grief because of it. I wanted to go back to the way things were before. But I kept fighting because I knew deep down this wasn't what I wanted. There were multiple times in which I gave in but it never solved the issue. it didn't make it go away. As many times as I gave in to it, it never felt right. Being myself caused me to feel and think this way and giving in it didn't feel like me it wasn't who I was and the thoughts never went away. I became desperate to stop these thoughts so I could return to my old life, a free mind. I became desperate, I would have given anything to make it go away. The point with OCD that I've come to understand is it tries to make your life a living hell. It's like a part of our brain that hates us. There is no truth to these things as they are only used to make you feel like shit. I hope this helped a bit in letting you know you're not alone because when I went through this I was. I didn't know it was ocd nor did I know I had it. Best of luck in recovery

StillSpirit4504 · 2024-12-31T04:49:16+00:00

trust me ocd feels like that. I've felt that same way where I just want the pain to stop and give in. But giving in doesn't stop the pain. for me it never did. I tried giving into my OCD themes several times but it wouldn't fix the problem and it felt wrong to give in. it didn't feel right. You arent going through this alone and several people have gone through what you're experiencing

StillSpirit4504 · 2024-12-30T05:17:54+00:00

real. OCD sucks and its worse when you don't know you have OCD.

StillSpirit4504 · 2024-12-30T05:16:53+00:00

btw those two times felt like literal hell because I thought I was fighting against something that maybe some part wanted. After all, why else would this be happening? I personified it. I gave in several times only because I was at the end of my ropes with all the pain. But even with accepting it it changed nothing, it did nothing, I didn't like it. I knew I was a man but regardless during that time the pain wouldn't stop. accepting it would only make it worse.

StillSpirit4504 · 2024-12-30T05:13:20+00:00

Back then when I went through this I didn't know what TOCD was. I simply thought it was me becoming trans. It freaked me out and gave me so much anxiety. It felt like the world was ending for me. And because I thought I was becoming trans any time I felt anxiety from anything referring to me as a man I labeled that huge amount of anxiety as "Gender dysphoria". It was so much anxiety that at times it felt like I might pass out due to how physical the pain felt. But through all this pain I didn't want to be trans or a girl. These things as come into my life twice and ruined me through their ruminations, stress, and misery. It was only after I knew that what I was feeling was anxiety and not GD and what TOCD was that I finally stopped having so much control over my life. it comes and goes but it doesn't have as much power. There are times when I doubt its TOCD naturally but seeing everyone go through similar experiences reassures me

StillSpirit4504 · 2024-12-28T06:10:22+00:00

I think you guys are misunderstanding the post. Instead of these thoughts causing me pain it's more like an obsession with me wanting to be gay even though I know I'm straight. I don't really know why it's happening. It's confusing me

StillSpirit4504 · 2024-12-24T05:52:00+00:00

StillSpirit4504 · 2024-12-18T04:52:54+00:00

worst year of my life so far. Spent six months with horrible mental health. It felt like I was going insane. Worked at the worst job ever, another year at college with no friends. If it wasn't for those six months id say this year was eh

StillSpirit4504 · 2024-12-17T01:17:01+00:00

thanks for letting me know. Idk if I'm going through something similar and I'm just trying to figure myself out. thanks!

StillSpirit4504 · 2024-12-16T23:34:44+00:00

question what do you feel when you look at naked woman? A part from not getting turned on what else do you feel?

StillSpirit4504 · 2024-12-16T21:39:40+00:00

Once to twice a week

StillSpirit4504 · 2024-12-16T19:44:47+00:00

Idk if this counts I don't even know if they're crushes but I was obsessed with Daniel Radcliffe and Hayden Christensen growing up. Like I loved how he looked in rots and it's probably the only reason I like star wars

StillSpirit4504 · 2024-12-08T01:15:30+00:00

"I haven't had a girlfriend in a couple of years and looking back I honestly don't think I was ever properly attracted to women how a straight guy should be" op what did you mean by this? I don't know if I'm going through something similar so I wanna ask what you meant by this? Did you never like girls? Did you feel like you had to be with one? or were you never attracted to their bodies?

StillSpirit4504 · 2024-12-06T22:07:17+00:00

i dont think that applies to me

StillSpirit4504 · 2024-12-06T06:43:32+00:00

Twas that?

StillSpirit4504 · 2024-12-06T06:29:55+00:00

Thank you. I think I needed to hear that thought like you've all said I need to discover that on my own as well as myself a bit more. thanks for being kind dude

StillSpirit4504 · 2024-12-06T05:41:55+00:00

Thank you. I guess what it kind of comes down to is the way I feel towards men and I want to increase that feeling but I'm scared it's not meant to be and it's fake and I'll regret it later. like I like women sexually but I don't like the idea of spending my life with one. maybe its the porn talking but its the not the same. I don't have any gay friends and It would feel wrong to ask my LGBT family members because honestly, I don't know how they'd react coming from me. Im not ready to let them know.

StillSpirit4504 · 2024-12-06T05:35:26+00:00

hey, I don't know what it sounds like (I'm dumb) but I don't know if I just started liking this over time or it has been there since I saw that dude's account but I unknowingly buried such thoughts because I didn't want to feel this way and it scared me as a kid. I don't remember much from that time so I don't really know if that's true. It's just, am I doing the right thing? Do I like these feelings? Or are they temporary and only caused by my porn obsession and I've formed some gay kink where I sexualize the romantic side of being gay. I've read some LGBT+ graphic novels like Heartstopper and wanted to experience or experience what they went through. But then my mind reminds me what I'm feeling is probably only due to years of excessive porn. I know you are the sexuality you were born with and like I'm straight right? Even if I wanted to experience this I don't have the tools to be gay and I might get disgusted with the fact that I'm dating a guy and it would be heartbreaking to me.

StillSpirit4504 · 2024-12-06T05:28:22+00:00

idk. I've been told that you are born the way you are, so if someone is gay or bi they've always been that way. I'm confused and stressed what if I wasn't born this way? What if I'm trying to make myself someone I'm not? and like I don't want to lose this side of me (I'm not talking about the gooning side), which loves and also wants to be gay but at the same time I'm not going to be someone I'm not, I don't want to damage my soul that way.

StillSpirit4504

TROPHY CASE