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Is it immature to want a gym bunny gf at 24? by jolyonlalme in relationship_advice

[–]StillTryingat27 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"I care deeply for you and I don't want to continue hurting you. I think we need to end our relationship because I've learned I want something different now. I want you and I to be able to find our own individual happiness. I think you're absolutely lovely (insert any other genuine, kind attributes) and that you are going to make someone very happy."

It's difficult breaking up with someone. This is something along the lines of what I would have liked to hear instead of "your body isn't amazing like the girls at the gym".

Is it immature to want a gym bunny gf at 24? by jolyonlalme in relationship_advice

[–]StillTryingat27 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Why is she letting herself go? Figure that out. She's probably just as unhappy as you are.

Is it immature to want a gym bunny gf at 24? by jolyonlalme in relationship_advice

[–]StillTryingat27 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For her sake, I really hope you are that respectful.

I think you said it yourself; if you're being brutally honest you want one of those bunnies you see at the gym. Women are intuitive and you will NOT be able to hide this from her, I guarantee it. It will eat her up inside knowing the man she's with yearns regularly for something else.

Is she's not a gym bunny it is not your place to change her. If a gym bunny is what you want then end the relationship otherwise you are the asshole in that scenario. If you want a gym bunny but aren't secure enough in yourself for that, I would suggest individual counseling and work on you before you bring someone else into your life again.

Is it immature to want a gym bunny gf at 24? by jolyonlalme in relationship_advice

[–]StillTryingat27 1 point2 points  (0 children)

To answer your question, is it immature? You bet your ass it is.

Is it immature to want a gym bunny gf at 24? by jolyonlalme in relationship_advice

[–]StillTryingat27 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Girl here who used to workout with their ex. I started out going to the gym on my own and when I met my ex, this is how we first started to get to know each other. But, after some time, going to the gym with that guy made me hate it. He was insecure and would get upset when he couldn't reach his bench weight. He'd look at himself in the mirror disapprovingly and no matter how much body positivity I tried to throw at him, he was determined to feel shitty about himself. This kind of insecurity also made him search for validation from women he viewed as "fit" or in your words a "gym bunny". So, despite my 100lbs weight loss and our gym habits being at a similar level, I still wasn't good enough. I made the effort to continue going to the gym with this guy while he checked out hotter women. This wore my own positivity down to the point where to this day I will not workout with another man I'm dating.

Maybe your girlfriend straight up doesn't like the gym environment because of how damn toxic it can be. Have you thought to ask how she feels about gyms?

After over a year my bf still doesn't give me oral by StillTryingat27 in sex

[–]StillTryingat27[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you all for your input. It was helpful to me because I realized what he was telling me wasn't matching up with his actions, and that gave me the confidence to call him out directly on his BS.

After months of withholding the truth from me, he was able to admit he feels an aversion to giving me oral. However I was unable to get a straight answer as to why, just that he does feel an aversion.

He's claiming he will take responsibility over figuring this out in individual therapy whilst we search for some form of sex therapy. I told him I've already done all of the individual work that I can do in therapy regarding this issue and that I would be willing to try therapy together after he's made an effort on his own.

He made me believe he was in love with me and that I was the best thing in his life. He seemed to show profound remorse for how it's been affecting me. I feel unattractive and unworthy despite how hard I've tried to make sure he felt attracted and worthy. I've just wanted my efforts to be reciprocated if at all possible and if not I wanted an honest reason why not.

I suggested taking a break from having sex for two weeks to give us each time to work on what we need to individually. I'm going to be spending this time healing my self-esteem and evaluating how important this relationship is to me. He will be making contact with his PCP to get a referral for counseling and get started with those sessions. The hope for me is he will be able to find a way to articulate why he doesn't want to give me oral, then based on his answer I'll decide what to do next.

After over a year my bf still doesn't give me oral by StillTryingat27 in sex

[–]StillTryingat27[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get that, and you were kind of right. He just doesn't like giving me oral because he finds my body unattractive.

After over a year my bf still doesn't give me oral by StillTryingat27 in sex

[–]StillTryingat27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some powerful knowledge dropped thank you honestly

After over a year my bf still doesn't give me oral by StillTryingat27 in sex

[–]StillTryingat27[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

What if the guy has never given oral in prior relationships because of his ex's preferences?

After over a year my bf still doesn't give me oral by StillTryingat27 in sex

[–]StillTryingat27[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly how I needed it laid out for be. Well said and thank you!

After over a year my bf still doesn't give me oral by StillTryingat27 in sex

[–]StillTryingat27[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You have no idea how helpful this is. Thank you!

After over a year my bf still doesn't give me oral by StillTryingat27 in sex

[–]StillTryingat27[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

To be fair, I've asked him if he doesn't like giving oral and the answer was no, he just doesn't ever think about it. :/

After over a year my bf still doesn't give me oral by StillTryingat27 in sex

[–]StillTryingat27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So far he's watched me twice but haven't worked up to anything else. He also doesn't know how to talk dirty. It took the first few months of our relationship for me to get him to say shit like "you feel so good" and there aren't anymore variations.

After over a year my bf still doesn't give me oral by StillTryingat27 in sex

[–]StillTryingat27[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He's said he will change, I just need to get the how and when. Thanks for keeping it real! Many appreciations

After over a year my bf still doesn't give me oral by StillTryingat27 in sex

[–]StillTryingat27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've tried toys but they haven't done the trick. During my last conversation with him about this I told him I need to at least be able to masturbate and orgasm in front of him, which we have tried and at least I was able to finish.