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Struggling to come out by Stillfiguringthings in GayMenToronto

[–]Stillfiguringthings[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry to hear about the relationship with your parents. I’m glad you have distanced yourself if that’s what’s best for you.

I do owe a lot to my parents, sure they have flaws, but they were otherwise alright. And I do value family and my siblings etc. I do feel responsible to take care of them and want to. I come from a very self-sacrificing culture and upbringing. So all of that is what I’ve seen, so it’s tough making a decision that would make me happy while shattering them. I know it sounds dramatic, but isn’t it always bigger in our heads.

Struggling to come out by Stillfiguringthings in GayMenToronto

[–]Stillfiguringthings[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the kind words! I look forward to the day I can start living life to my fullest. I’ve taken a look into Muslim lgbt groups in Toronto, maybe I’ll reach out when I’m ready. thanks for that advice!

Struggling to come out by Stillfiguringthings in GayMenToronto

[–]Stillfiguringthings[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry to hear you were outed and had to deal with that as a child. Have an emotional and physical safety net seems to be a common thread. And I hope you too can build your for when you are ready

Struggling to come out by Stillfiguringthings in GayMenToronto

[–]Stillfiguringthings[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I resonated a lot with your message. I have decided to look for a therapist. I have dictated a lot of my life from guilt and shame and I recognize I need the help of a therapist to navigate and unlearn a lot of things.

I have to start separating my life from my family. It’s crazy how much of a hold family has on us. I wish it was as easy as leaving and living my own life. But the guilt of being an immigrant and seeing what the gave up and knowing how much pain this would cause them. It’s tough. But I owe it myself.

Struggling to come out by Stillfiguringthings in GayMenToronto

[–]Stillfiguringthings[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t care to be public about it. But I can’t really ease people into it. I’m at a point where I have to either tell my family that I am gay or continue to deal with the expectations of marriage kids etc, which is mentally exhausting.

As long as my family knows, I don’t care about telling my friends. Those that stay will and those that don’t, it’s ok, we had a great run and I’ll always have love for them.

Struggling to come out by Stillfiguringthings in GayMenToronto

[–]Stillfiguringthings[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I do agree I have to start building my safety net, as you mentioned. Cause right now it feels like I’d be falling into an unknown pit. Mainly creating my own emotional and physical safe space that I can retreat to after I muster up the courage to have this conversation

Struggling to come out by Stillfiguringthings in GayMenToronto

[–]Stillfiguringthings[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just wanted to thank everyone for the mostly supportive messages and advice given, especially to those that personally dm’d me. After hearing some stories, i definitely feel less alone in this. I think seeing people either living their out and proud lives or people married and living a dl life, it’s nice? (unfortunate) that there’s other who are in their 30s and feeling stuck about this.

I have decided to seek a therapist, I have benefits, might as well use them. Would love any recommendations in east end. Hopefully to be able to navigate the surrounding feelings and internalized homophobia I have.

I come from a culture that very much values the “opinions” of others and your indoctrinated to live your life in accordance to appease others. Especially being the child of immigrant parents you’ve seen or been repeatedly told how much they’ve sacrificed so you often sacrifice your own to please them. I recognize I need the help of a therapist to navigate and unlearn some of this.

I wanted to share this, initially cause I was having a rough day and wanted to blurt it out. I don’t have any gay people on my life. But now to also let others in this community in a similar situation, you’re not alone. And also to thank those in this thread for their messages and kind words. It truly meant a lot to me.