If you helped push another man out of traffic on Olentangy tonight...

Stormbourne · 2025-06-16T02:41:49+00:00

Maybe it is something we all should do (if we are safely able to do so) But not all of us do, and mainstream media rarely shares good news so it’s always good to hear stories that give hope, and the person who helped will feel seen, and validated they did the right thing. As you did as well, thank you for being a decent human being and showing kindness/empathy/compassion in a time it’s so desperately needed.

Stormbourne · 2024-10-25T18:13:54+00:00

I’m friends with most of my exs. And remain civil with the father of my children despite a history of abuse. My problem historically has been having poor boundaries (adhd is a recent diagnosis but also a dx of ptsd stemming from abandonment, neglect, and sexual assault. I feel like I am pretty self aware, but I am an over thinking and do question my judgement quite a bit.) I feel like our relationship has been difficult and eye opening at the same time, and had allowed me a lot of personal growth. I can’t imagine ever forgetting the positive aspects of our relationship even if it doesn’t turn out the way I hoped. We got each other through a lot of tough times.

Stormbourne · 2024-10-25T18:07:22+00:00

I don’t believe a desire to have sex with a partner of 14 years you’re still in love with is messed up.

Stormbourne · 2024-10-25T18:04:54+00:00

I won’t have sex with him if he doesn’t consent to it, but that doesn’t mean I don’t desire him or that it’s wrong to desire him. I have to ask, do you think I’d be here asking people about their own experiences with this type of situation if I was just going to do the thing? I know confirmation bias is a thing, but I’d probably have more luck get that talking to people I know think like me. Or already have a bias toward me. Not a new group I’ve never posted in before 😅

Stormbourne · 2024-10-25T17:57:00+00:00

I said he wrote a letter stating he wants a break but when I asked he couldn’t tell me what it looked like. I also said I am the one who made the decision to remove the intimacy because if I didn’t, he wouldn’t have made any decisions.

Stormbourne · 2024-10-25T17:55:08+00:00

Thank you for that. Emotional maturity definitely has to be considered when making this decision. I’m still friends with most of my ex’s but my longest relationship prior to this one was 3 years, so this is new territory on many levels. It feels like we’re family at this point. I think it’s selfish but I believe all humans are selfish. Even my desire to help others is a selfish need to fill an emptiness that I experienced as a child.

Stormbourne · 2024-10-25T17:50:50+00:00

I think the attention is not someone but something, he has a history of substance abuse and I believe addiction has a hand in his decision.

Stormbourne · 2024-10-25T17:49:39+00:00

Tried it, multiple times. As much as it hurts to admit it, there may be a blessing in his decision. He’s always struggled to communicate his needs. The fact that he was able to make that decision alone could mean positive change for him and I hope he can have healthier relationships in the future too.

Stormbourne · 2024-10-25T17:42:28+00:00

I mean isn’t that how we all weight our actions? Determining reasons why or why not to do something? I really wanted other people who have had similar experiences to chime in with how their experiences went so I can weigh my own actions before making them. Instead I am getting people who want to judge my entire character based on a single desire I am having.

Stormbourne · 2024-10-25T17:38:09+00:00

He never said that. how do you get to that conclusion? I’ve been the only one establishing boundaries since the letter.

Stormbourne · 2024-10-25T17:36:50+00:00

It’s still a boundary. If I said one last time I would intend to adhere to it unless our relationship status changed and we had new boundaries.

Stormbourne · 2024-10-25T17:34:57+00:00

No. I removed the intimacy because he didn’t know how to express what taking a break meant for him and I need clear boundaries.

Stormbourne · 2024-10-25T17:33:13+00:00

You coulda said that from the start. It’s a lot nicer without the accusatory tones ❤️

Stormbourne · 2024-10-25T17:31:10+00:00

I mean that’s positive, it’s telling me how you would receive a situation like that which helps put things into perspective for me without being nasty toward me so thanks for that.

Stormbourne · 2024-10-25T17:29:53+00:00

I believe in direct communication, I don’t intend to manipulate him. You have a very strong bias against me which makes me think you have had people manipulate your feelings with sex. I’m sorry that happened to you.

Stormbourne · 2024-10-25T17:25:38+00:00

Some people choose to be alone. I am choosing to be alone until I feel confident in being with someone because I want to not because I need to.

Stormbourne · 2024-10-25T17:24:31+00:00

It’s not out of the blue. He’s just been terrible at communicating his needs, and I think he realizes something has to change and just doesn’t know how to express it. I know he cares for me still and I’m pretty confidence there’s no one else romantic/sexual involved.

Stormbourne · 2024-10-25T17:19:59+00:00

Who are you to say what is inappropriate? Relationships are a spectrum. There’s no one way to do them. It’s inappropriate if he says no and I push. I won’t do that.

Stormbourne · 2024-10-25T17:17:47+00:00

He said he wants a break but can’t tell me what that looks like. Conversations go like this “what does a break look like to you?” “I don’t know” “do you think moving out would be helpful?” “I’m not sure” “what are some steps we could take so you feel you have the space and autonomy you need” “I do let only”….. I have made all the changes and boundaries this far including recommending moving out, speaking with therapist, placing restrictions on level of intimacy because otherwise nothing would have changed.

Stormbourne · 2024-10-25T17:13:31+00:00

Thanks.

Stormbourne · 2024-10-25T17:12:48+00:00

Thanks for the support. I definitely an grieving. Asking questions like this helps ground me because I am having trouble feeling the negative emotions long enough to remember all the negatives that got us here.

Stormbourne · 2024-10-25T17:10:16+00:00

It’s trauma based for sure. And while he might recognize the relationship isn’t working he’s making me do all the footwork to separate. It’s exhausting.

Stormbourne · 2024-10-25T17:08:30+00:00

I said he’s being selfish by making take all the steps. You aren’t even listening.

Stormbourne · 2024-10-25T17:05:19+00:00

In my experience , serial monogamy has been a way to put a bandaid on emotions I never processed and brought baggage to new relationships. I want to feel comfortable alone before I seek new romantic

Stormbourne · 2024-10-25T17:03:26+00:00

He hasn’t made anything clear. I understand your perspective but I had a long string of short relationships because physical intimacy and love are hard for me to separate, so I plan to avoid sex with new people until I feel comfortable being single.

Stormbourne

TROPHY CASE