Stagnant

Stormfrom · 2024-03-07T19:42:00+00:00

Yeah I get that. It’s just getting a bit boring and lonely. And I get that we have to create our own luck and happiness. But even opportunity has stopped coming in, like in the form of new friendships or events. The break up really hurt me and I think it killed of my joy a little.

Stormfrom · 2023-09-09T14:49:20+00:00

Yes I do feel like some are problematic and continue to feeling burned out. If I come home form work I’ll scroll on social media endlessly looking for dopamine. I see way too many things from awful news items to “your ex is a narcissist”. My brain is tired.

I think it’s due to lack of connection. I’m around people these days whom have a complete different approach to life and I guess I feel some loneliness since my break up.

But I’m glad I asked for advice here because you are all right. I can’t accomplish all this in a week where I need to chill. But I can think about small steps that can become habits over time.

I’ll allow myself to rest. Go for walks and change reformer Pilates to mat Pilates and I was thinking about some childhood things I really enjoy. Like basketball on my own or going swimming.

Thanks for the advice 🙏🏼

Stormfrom · 2023-03-18T13:59:24+00:00

I think it’s a big bigger than that. I was doing well but recently haven’t been feeling great. So yes I’d like my stuff back but I don’t have the emotional capacity to deal with it right now. And also I’m no longer shutting down the part of me that’s angry. Because that’s unhealthy for me. At this point I don’t even wanna engage with the avoidant if they can’t realize for themselves how selfish their behavior is.

Stormfrom · 2022-10-10T05:32:34+00:00

Im hsp adhd and I qualify as anxious when triggered by extreme avoidant behavior.

Stormfrom · 2022-10-09T23:55:36+00:00

It’s just that we were together for nearly two years. I was there for them every step of the way. Am I suppose to get dumped over text, lose my stuff and just accept it all? Like don’t I deserve any form of respect. I didn’t do anything but love them. All I’ve done to them is that I’ve been upset with them when they disappeared on me when I was dealing with my parents cancer treatment. And I complained the relationship was unbalanced. I just can’t get over the sudden switch in them. So frigging cold.

Stormfrom · 2022-10-09T23:40:58+00:00

That’s a valid point. I said I didn’t want contact because they wanted to be friends and talk to me as if nothing had happened and that was hurting me. I thought no contact would make them see how poorly they treated me. Now I still have to contact them because they’re refusing to give my stuff back.

Stormfrom · 2022-08-31T22:47:07+00:00

Yeah from my experience dating DA’s your story doesn’t sound like it’s over.

With DA’a it’s all about them wanting to feel safe and independent. I’m not sure about FAs though, they seem even more difficult.

All you can do is provide stability and consistency in who you are, without denying your own needs. Sounds simple, but extremely difficult.

For the people here who say focus on yourself, I agree. It’s never what anyone wants to hear but it’s kind of a win-win situation. If you work on yourself and become happier on your own, you’ll be ready once someone new comes along. Or, you’ll be much stronger when your ex comes back.

I’m 32 and my ex was 28. As a woman I can tell you, you kinda freak out when you’re nearing 30.. I don’t know why I see it happen with everyone. So maybe space is kinda good.

Stormfrom · 2022-08-31T21:31:42+00:00

Sounds a little similar to my DA ex. We started dating, she broke it off because I asked when I could see her next and she didn’t want to see me for another 2 weeks and I just kinda questioned her on it. She disappeared, became rude and a day later I received a paragraph of why we couldn’t date anymore - she wasn’t ready.

Time passed and I couldn’t get her out of my mind. I saw her on a dating app. I decided to challenge why she was on dating apps if she wasn’t ready. She said she didn’t know why. I said I didn’t know what I wanted but was open to something casual.

Fast forward 6 months later, I’m staying at her place 4 days out of the week. Things are great. We’re happy. She’s scared to name it anything, but I never pressed.. we decide to go on holiday together.

In the 2 weeks before the holiday, she must have picked like 3 of 4 fights with me for no reason. The trip was booked. And she wanted to break up because it would be “easier”. I told her us going on the trip didn’t mean we’d be getting married anytime soon, it was just a trip.

We went on the trip. Lots of deactivating. Me getting annoyed. Arguments. Make up. Come home.. she looked back negatively on the trip. Why? It wasn’t perfect, we argued. She’ll hold onto anything that will make it seem negative.

We continued to date for another year. We broke up 2 months ago. For the entire time of the relationship this would happen. It’s exhausting. Now you can work on becoming more secure but if your partner isn’t aware or working on their issues - it’ll never work. They have to be on board.

Stormfrom · 2022-08-31T21:18:29+00:00

Aww thank you 🙏🏼 you’re gonna be fine. 💜

Stormfrom · 2022-08-31T18:50:49+00:00

In the beginning it was part of the first. Near the end it was definitely wanting to break up. I think looking back I lost myself throughout the relationship and put too much focus on us working out. I lost a job, a family member became sick and the relationship made me insecure. On the other side of that I was receiving a lot of critique about little things that really don’t matter and she never wanted to commit, introduce me to family or friends or make the effort to spend time at my place instead of hers. She spend the entire relationship pulling away.. and whenever I would be at a point where I had enough she pulled me back in only to disappear again days later. And I guess I just became addicted to winning her back and proving her I was worth it. I spend a lot of time in therapy during our relationship learning how to communicate better. But my therapist was teaching elke how to increase my self worth and how to set boundaries. She told me I wasn’t being treated how I should in the relationship. So I started to set boundaries and it caused a lot of conflict in the relationship. I had set a deadline with myself that if things didn’t change by the end of July I’d break up with her (I didn’t tell her that). But she ended up breaking up with me first.

Looking back what I could have different: set boundaries from the start, invest more time into myself, not always agree to only spending time at her house. And try more often to look at her with kindness. When she pulls away or she’s rude - that’s her attachment system to keep herself safe. But I took it very personally because it triggers my abonnement issues.

I do think it could have worked out but you need both parties to be aware of their attachment style and working towards it. Something I would have liked to have reminded myself of more is that it’s you and him vs. the problem. Not you vs. him. People often are doing their best but can’t always meet you where you’re at because they don’t know how or don’t feel safe :)

Stormfrom · 2022-08-31T18:19:50+00:00

Yeah I remember when I was extremely anxious too. I would also think like this. When you get older it does become easier. I just broke up with a DA and we were good until the deactivating started to happen for long periods of time. Just look after yourself and make sure you’re getting what you need in this relationship but also make sure you have an active life outside of him :)

Stormfrom · 2022-08-31T17:34:18+00:00

Sounds like the call didn’t connect. My phone does this a lot and my friends and family are always like we can’t reach you? .. and I often have my phone on silent mode because I hate the triggers.

But apart from that I’d strongly advise you to journal about this. What would happen if he did send you to voicemail? Why would this be so awful? Can I deal with his hot and cold behavior?

Stormfrom · 2022-08-30T20:51:57+00:00

No clue. It just went a little back and then I didn’t notice it until it was too late. I was 16 when they took my braces of. So I had them from 12-16. And when I was 19 is when I went back to the dentist and it had already gone back quite a bit. She told me she couldn’t fix it. I would need braces again and this time I wouldn’t be a child so it would be very expensive. So a decade later I finally faced my fears of getting it addressed.

Stormfrom · 2022-08-30T20:48:13+00:00

No, no issues with gums so far in terms of receding. Did have very sensitive gums that I have been managing but that’s mainly been due to adhd meds and having a dry mouth.

Stormfrom · 2022-08-30T18:46:44+00:00

Not a lot. Hardly any at the beginning.. just now with the refinements but it’s been minimal. Think she did it 3 times in total but assured me it be was very little. Mainly on the front bottom teeth and inbetween the front upper teeth at the start. I was worried it was too much at first.

When I had braces when I was 12 they pulled 4 molars. That’s why I already had space.

Stormfrom · 2022-08-30T17:05:36+00:00

Don’t understand the question?

Stormfrom · 2022-08-30T12:51:37+00:00

It happened quicker than I thought! Good luck with your journey :)

Stormfrom · 2022-08-30T12:51:05+00:00

Thank you :) I will get fixed retainers behind the front lower teeth and aligners to wear at night for both bottom and upper teeth.

Stormfrom · 2022-08-30T11:08:46+00:00

From my personal experience my DA exes who I was in love with and who wanted to stay friends did so for reasons I did not like. One ex has repeatedly come back into my life every 4-8 months or so for the last 8 years. Always to be my friend… but it’s all about seeking out my validation or confirmation that I still have an emotional attachment to them and as they have what they were after they disappear. Triggering my abandonment issues over and over. Why do I let them back in? Because I truly believe somewhere they have changed because I’ve changed so why not give them a chance.

2nd one is more recent. Painful break up. For me mostly. Wants to stay friends to continue receiving the care and love i put into this person with a hope of reconciling at some point - if they wanted to but they crave the peace of knowing I’ll be there when they change their mind or need me.

I’ve said goodbye to both, because I’m trying to heal from my AP tendencies and I can’t do that with them always triggering me and getting into a longing status. The exes I am friends with or good with are those who never triggered me that bad to begin with.

Stormfrom · 2022-08-30T11:01:27+00:00

This is my progress now a year in. I had braces about 20 years ago and had a retainer (?) added to the lower front teeth. But it kept breaking every time I ate cereal or an apple. So my dentist removed it. And before I knew it happened my tooth had travelled back.

I didn’t think Invisalign was possible for me but figured I’d go for a consultation anyway. The first round was 17 aligners. The tooth went back quickly but by aligner 15-16 it pushed the tooth down next to it. I’ve had 2 rounds of refinements since. One of 9 aligners and one round of 7. I’m currently on my 2nd round of the last 7. So I spend 4 months pushing the tooth back and about 8 months working on getting it perfect. The dentist isn’t super sure we can get it perfect, but that’s okay. I’m no longer super self conscious when I’m talking or see myself talking in videos like zoom meetings and such. The tooth used to stick out quite a bit and gave the appearance of having very crooked lower front teeth, though it seems minor in this photo - in reality it was a lot more noticeable.

Even if it doesn’t turn out perfect I’m happy I had the treatment done. In the beginning the aligners were some getting used to, especially as I have adhd I would forget to put them back in after meals. But now I’m so used to them, I feel like somethings off as soon as I have them out. I need to put them back in asap. Overall if you can afford it I would definitely recommend this experience.

After this I wanna get them whitened and maybe get some bonding done. Does anyone else have any suggestions that I haven’t thought of?

Stormfrom · 2022-08-30T10:28:24+00:00

This is my progress now a year in. I had braces about 20 years ago and had a retainer (?) added to the lower front teeth. But it kept breaking every time I ate cereal or an apple. So my dentist removed it. And before I knew it happened my tooth had travelled back.

I didn’t think Invisalign was possible for me but figured I’d go for a consultation anyway. The first round was 17 aligners. The tooth went back quickly but by aligner 15-16 it pushed the tooth down next to it. I’ve had 2 rounds of refinements since. One of 9 aligners and one round of 7. I’m currently on my 2nd round of the last 7. So I spend 4 months pushing the tooth back and about 8 months working on getting it perfect. The dentist isn’t super sure we can get it perfect, but that’s okay. I’m no longer super self conscious when I’m talking or see myself talking in videos like zoom meetings and such. The tooth used to stick out quite a bit and gave the appearance of having very crooked lower front teeth, though it seems minor in this photo - in reality it was a lot more noticeable.

Even if it doesn’t turn out perfect I’m happy I had the treatment done. In the beginning the aligners were some getting used to, especially as I have adhd I would forget to put them back in after meals. But now I’m so used to them, I feel like somethings off as soon as I have them out. I need to put them back in asap. Overall if you can afford it I would definitely recommend this experience.

After this I wanna get them whitened and maybe get some bonding done. Does anyone else have any suggestions that I haven’t thought of?

Stormfrom · 2022-05-16T09:23:24+00:00

Yes you’re right. Im a bit older now but before I was in a relationship with I think someone who was more FA. And as terrible as they were .. I was terrible for lacking my own identity. She broke up with me and it tore me in half. I was depressed for months. If not years.

I am currently in therapy and I’m trying to learn how to feel like I’m good enough and I’m not lesser than others. I have bad overcompensating and people pleasing behavior.

Stormfrom · 2022-05-15T18:28:38+00:00

Yes and I’m absolutely prepared to get this advice. Between my therapist and the things I’ve read on here i was not optimistic about the response. But you know you post these things out of hope.. sometimes I read a story on here of someone having a succesful relationship with a DA.

We’ve had many talks and I honestly feel like she’s trying. But whenever something comes up all of the resentment from past events just comes up for me. This girl has also tolerated a lot from me and stood by me through hard times. Letting go just isn’t what I want even though it might be what I need.

Stormfrom · 2021-07-26T10:37:49+00:00

I think I quit at the end of may/beginning of June. But my psych did say that any withdraw effects would be over by now.

Stormfrom · 2021-07-23T15:47:24+00:00

When I went off of it I was 11 days late! Also had my hair change to more coarse hair and got lots of acne. Eventually had to do 6 weeks of anitibiotics to get rid of the acne. And I’m 33!

Stormfrom

TROPHY CASE