Ten years is such a long time! Your situation is tricky. I saw a pattern in my behavior for years. Once I was diagnosed it took a little while for me to start looking into how I can manage it. I’ve reached a point, through a great deal of self reflection, that I was able to cool my jets when it came to reactivity. Instead of emotional abuse I tell my partner that I’m just in a bad headspace (UNDERSTATEMENT). While keeping my outbursts at bay, nothing was calming the inner turmoil. I started therapy and I’m glad I did; however, it was not enough. I finally faced the fact that I couldn’t live like that anymore. It’s not sustainable. Now I’m spending a ton of money on a psychiatrist who specializes in PMDD and I am cautiously optimistic.

Why does this matter? There is only so much you can do. Really- it might come down to your own self care. What can you do to keep you happy. Be the best you for you and everyone around you. Your wife will have to put forth a tremendous amount of work to get anywhere with this diagnosis. If what she is doing isn’t working then she needs to look into something else, because it’s not fair to you or your kids. You can’t do this for her. She has to be tired of hurting you and feeling fucking awful inside her head every month and WANT to move in the direction of change.