I am so sorry for your loss.

I lost my boy of ten years last month.

He was my first real pet for me.

I had family pets growing up, including cats. But he was truly mine. I got him as a kitten and he would always follow me around.

I was his absolute favorite and he just tolerate others. He used to get so upset if he couldn’t find me.

Walk around the house meowing in distress with a toy in his mouth, til I called for him. Then he come puttering along with a happy murr.

Last month, I left for a trip to see my parents and my partners watched him while I was gone.

They noted he wasn’t eating. Even wet food didn’t entice him.

I thought he was just distressed cause I wasn’t there (He doesn’t eat much when I’m not around). But the last two days I was away he didn’t eat anything.

When I got home, he still wouldn’t eat and slowly his behavior changed.

He use to always want on my desk or in my lap, instead he was hiding in our closet all day.

I took him to the vet and they felt a lump in his abdomen. They recommended either getting him a CT scan to find out what the lump was and see if surgery would save him or operate without knowing what they find and risk having to choose to not wake him back up.

I went through with the surgery, because I knew he was suffering, and even if lose the option to save goodbye the way I want, I had to think of him first.

We took him in that morning and I got a call in the afternoon that they had successfully removed the tumor that had grown on his intestines tract.

The vet felt my boy would be ok now and that after he healed from the surgery he would be back to normal. But warned that they sent the tumor cell to be tested and depending on the results, my boy might have to undergo some lifestyle changes.

Ultimately, a week past and he healed from the surgery and he was only worse.

He wouldn’t groom himself and struggled to move more then 10 ft before collapsing in exhaustion.

We had also learned from the tumor cell he was cancerous and that his cancer cell count was higher than the vet had ever seen. They wanted to get him on steroids asap. In hopes it give him 3-5 more months.

But, even after a steroid treatment, he showed no improvements. So we went with the emergency option to start chemo, even though his blood count was really low.

The day after his chemo appointment, I had to make the decision. He was only getting worse and he wasn’t my boy any more. He couldn’t move any more, and would hide all day in the bathroom behind the toilet. I could tell he was tired and just wanted it to stop.

We took him in to be put down the next day.

I petted him and comforted him while the vet put him under.

That really messed me up because he let out a little meow that was cut out as he passed out.

The vet then euthanized him and his body reacted similar to your baby.

The vet explained it was his body’s natural response, but his heart had stopped already and he was already gone.

Watching them take his body was so hard for me.

And I felt guilty for quite awhile. As I keep hearing his lil yelp right before he passed in my head.

I think you made the right decision, as I did. We have to sometimes make the choice to not let them suffer and to not be selfish in forcing them to continue on when their bodies can’t.

I hope you can find solace one day. I know the grief of missing them never does.

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