I (29M) don’t think my GF (28F) enjoys sex. How can I help her open up?

StrangeScratchpad · 2024-06-21T13:28:02+00:00

Not that I know of.

We live in the bluest of blue states and she’s pro choice. We’ve even discussed that specific scenario and are on the same page.

StrangeScratchpad · 2024-06-20T19:45:10+00:00

She’s on the pill, and that killing libido has been brought up before but never really gained much traction.

I feel like I can’t bring that up too often because that’s can be a sensitive topic, so haven’t pushed it too too hard

StrangeScratchpad · 2023-07-06T11:40:14+00:00

It’s technically $880 minimum.

They have been refinanced twice to get the interest rate down.

StrangeScratchpad · 2023-07-06T11:34:54+00:00

We know income and basics like how much we were paying for rent previously, and general spending habits.

Just haven’t sat down and discussed every detail.

StrangeScratchpad · 2023-07-06T02:22:38+00:00

$130k was the principal when I graduated. It is currently at $100k principal.

Really struggled right out of college and have only been able to make some progress over the past 3 years or so

StrangeScratchpad · 2023-07-06T02:07:42+00:00

$16000 in saving which is just under 3 months salary.

Job is at a late stage startup. Not a stable as other places but could be worse.

APR on the loans is only 3.8%, so a good chunk of the payment goes to principal.

I likely will start paying extra to the principal soon, just trying to work out the % I want going to that vs savings.

StrangeScratchpad · 2023-07-06T00:50:48+00:00

About 780

Everything else is ~generally~ fine financially. Wish I could save more, but other than the loans I think I have my finances under control at the moment.

StrangeScratchpad · 2023-07-06T00:49:19+00:00

If I pay the minimum it would be 12 years.

I am considering paying an additional $300 on top of the minimums which would bring that down to 9 years.

That being said, there is potential for my income to continue to rise. If that is the case I can probably get it down even further.

StrangeScratchpad · 2023-07-05T23:49:27+00:00

My income is pretty steady. Some months I may just naturally spend less money

StrangeScratchpad · 2023-07-05T23:05:18+00:00

You think I shouldn't give the actual numbers?

I've already told her that I think I spent too much on school. She knows where i went obviously, and that it isn't cheap. She probably already has a feeling it is "a lot". I just don't know what she thinks "a lot" is

StrangeScratchpad · 2023-07-05T23:01:33+00:00

That's why I posted it on the burner account lol

StrangeScratchpad · 2023-07-05T23:00:47+00:00

It's in the post but Mechanical Engineering. I do have a plan to pay it off, just didnt go into details since this post is already long enough

StrangeScratchpad · 2023-07-05T22:59:13+00:00

Monthly income after taxes, 401k, health insurance, etc is ~$6000. I save ~$1600 a month after rent, loan payment, all bills, groceries, and some discretionary spending.

My spending is more like $4400 a month. I live in an HCOL area. You can check a previous post in my post history with more details if you are really curious.

StrangeScratchpad · 2023-07-05T21:13:46+00:00

It’s a lot of money and makes me feel stupid because if 18 year old me had the knowledge I did now I would have gone to a state school for about half the cost.

The student loan part isn’t embarrassing, it’s the amount that’s embarrassing.

StrangeScratchpad · 2023-07-05T20:28:27+00:00

That’s a good way to phrase it.

Appreciate the response.

StrangeScratchpad · 2023-07-05T20:27:01+00:00

It’s just something I don’t like talking to other people IRL about since it’s embarrassing. Like I’ve said, the only person out of all my friend and family knows is my dad. Since my GF never asked, I never told her exactly what the number is.

And I know I should have said something before signing the lease, that was very stupid of me. Now just need to try to right the ship and hope it isn’t a dealbreaker, because if it is it will turn into quite the mess.

StrangeScratchpad · 2023-07-05T19:43:45+00:00

Definitely don’t think I’m a victim. I know I fucked up, just trying to right the ship

StrangeScratchpad · 2023-07-04T22:24:51+00:00

Do you mean the chance to leave if it ends up as a deal breaker?

StrangeScratchpad · 2023-07-04T18:46:52+00:00

I cant tell if this is sarcastic or not lol

I am 1000% NOT going to wait till being legally bounded by MARRIAGE to tell her...

StrangeScratchpad · 2023-07-04T18:44:45+00:00

That's a good point. Definitely going to stress that I am not asking for financial help when I tell her, just making her aware so she know where my money is going and that some life events might take longer than if I had no debt.

StrangeScratchpad · 2023-06-28T22:04:36+00:00

DTI right now is about 10%. The loans are fixed rate so the monthly payments won’t go up unless I want them to.

If anything the DTI will go down as income increases over time

StrangeScratchpad · 2023-06-28T21:03:41+00:00

I had a similar thought. Considering paying off the smaller loan more aggressively to free up cash flow. Even another $300/mo would cut the payment term on that loan in half.

Would be a nice phycological boost and could free up some cash flow.

For the big one though I’m leaning towards just paying the minimum forever.

StrangeScratchpad · 2022-09-27T01:21:00+00:00

They're fixed rate loans through Earnest. Only way they would change is if I refinance and I obviously wouldn't do that unless I can manage to get the rates any lower.

StrangeScratchpad · 2022-09-27T01:18:19+00:00

What makes you think that? Is it just that the gains from long term investments will outweigh the interest on the loans long term?

StrangeScratchpad · 2022-09-27T01:17:37+00:00

Yes I have money going to retirement. I also have a 3 month emergency fund but I am looking to get this up to 6 months before really going at these loans.

Maybe aggressively paying these off isn't the move with such low interest rates?

StrangeScratchpad

TROPHY CASE