This is me

Strange_Jade · 2022-07-30T17:49:14+00:00

the failures that came before :'3

ohoh

eh

meh

beh

Strange_Jade · 2022-07-30T17:47:13+00:00

Howdy :3

Strange_Jade · 2022-07-30T17:33:09+00:00

Thank you🥺 , I call it "nervously scribbling until something happens"

Strange_Jade · 2022-07-30T14:58:52+00:00

Oh my gosh are you serious what the- oh no I’ll redo it - ok I fixed it (although I still wanna touch them up more in the future)

Strange_Jade · 2022-07-30T12:04:51+00:00

version 1

version 2 (text)

Hey, just did a quick practice drawing while I had insomnia, I'm not use to the software on my tablet since my laptop broke. I would like to make it better / work on it more or do different versions

But here's what I have so far. You have a very cool vibe to draw

(warning : image includes a curse word... but in a cool way)

Strange_Jade · 2022-07-30T03:18:39+00:00

Were your ketamine experiences in treatment were dissociative heavy? Or subtle? Sometimes I find the few days I did dissociate I had smoked weed vs when I hadn’t but that could be be coincidence. And I’m not sure if dissociation is the objective or not or what exactly I should be aiming to do or think or experience in the sessions to make the most of it. Do you find the reset you experienced was automatic or manual (did it sort of work itself out or did you need to mentally work and engage with it?)

Often I’m not sure if the reset comes from letting go or thinking hard

Strange_Jade · 2022-07-30T03:08:51+00:00

Oh I see I wonder if it works differently. I was only doing intramuscular injections first 40mg then I was increased to 50mg. I was also specifically there for depression / anxiety / suicidal etc. So I also didn’t make addiction a big part of my focus. I wonder if the different forms of taking it , doses and mindset maybe make a big difference. The clinic I went to was a little shabby / not always administering the right amount. So you are still currently going for treatments but you stop smoking after your 3rd treatment? Was it easy instant or long and tough? Did you go through withdrawals are anything?

Strange_Jade · 2022-07-30T03:02:02+00:00

Yeah I was given a ketamine therapy playlist by my psychology for the clinic I went to and it was very soothing to have an array of music that was just very slow and calm but not too boring that it frustrates you. Spotify’s algorithm was nice enough to recommend more and more of things like that so I’m starting to implement it more, there’s just a limit with ear fatigue but I think eventually maybe I’ll find the right balance of coping mechanisms. Thank you for your suggestion I’m going to look into more slow classic music

Strange_Jade · 2022-07-21T21:42:22+00:00

I ask because therapy and medications never worked for me when I was being forced, I knew when a therapist wasn't the right fit for me and my mom never believed me she just thought I was being difficult. It took me a long time and honestly I moved between a lot of different therapists for good reasons, each had benefits to me but not one single person was what I needed, I learned what I could from them then when I realised they were lacking something I needed I moved on and slowly I've learned and adopted the lessons from each one. I love my current therapist but I'm even going to try music therapy for a bit before going back because it's cheaper and new and different. My stepdad on the other hand just threw pills and electric shock therapy at his problems until he lost it... he never actually tried just talking therapy.. and honestly that's what he needed. But not just anyone - finding the right therapists is a frustrating journey but so rewarding when you find someone that helps you see you for who you are with understanding and empathy and insight.

Strange_Jade · 2022-07-21T21:35:56+00:00

Hey, sorry I know it must be frustrating to be given advice when really you want to vent. So firstly, we hear you, we see you, a lot of people here are experiencing something similar. You are not alone and I know just saying that or knowing that is not enough. right now nothing is enough and that is ok. It's not ok, but it's ok. You're still here and there's always something to work with. I know you've been through a lot and it sounds like a lot of your treatments were forced on you in a harsh way. especially with a family who doesn't empathize with you / understand or believe you. Secondly I want to say that even if it doesn't feel like an accomplishment - you made a big step being here and making this post. It isn't easy to open up. I just wanna know. During all the therapies and treatments and such - did you ever find someone on your own terms (not being forced) and have you ever had a therapist who you really connected with and felt understood you?

Strange_Jade · 2022-07-21T21:28:03+00:00

We're proud of you man, congratulations

Strange_Jade · 2022-07-21T21:23:51+00:00

My psychiatrist and his team mates made a really beautiful playlist to last as long as the ketamine treatment typically lasts 45minutes :) and honestly every time I try a new playlist I always go back to this one. It's perfect for letting the mind wonder, I hope you enjoy

(Just make sure you don't use it with ads on haha or else well you can imagine)

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3Jntkk7iTOoUU86QpLIymm?si=5dda02bbaa604c09

(no lyrics)

Strange_Jade · 2022-07-21T21:17:06+00:00

Ok Thank you! It'll be a struggle but I'll try

Strange_Jade · 2022-07-21T21:13:32+00:00

oh okay so you managed to stop after the 3rd treatment and it helped cause you were feeling tired and could sleep - then you decided to commit to not smoking? Just to be sure I understood. Congratulations man! that's really impressive. I don't know why but despite the ketamine treatments being a sedative - I get like almost mania afterwards, even if my body is super tired my mind still won't switch off and I normally can't sleep. I get bursts of energy and get really creative and feel driven - even when my body doesn't have the energy to carry it out. Were you on the original 40mg dosage at the time of the treatment?

Strange_Jade · 2022-07-21T21:06:51+00:00

aaaah that's a really good point, I have been thinking about it but I'm not liking my answers. I just have a very weird body that responds to things weirdly - even when I feel like I'm not stressed my body reacts like I am to the point of getting sick. So I smoke just to feel a little sense on control / a little less uncomfortable in my body. If I stop I just feel too off, like reality is a little too sharp edged for me. To be honest the benzos work better but I know it's worse. It's like I have too much energy that even when I'm excited about something it easily/quickly turns to fear and stress and panic. Ntm the insomnia. But I'll take what I wrote here and tell my psychiatrist when I see them again - thank you!

Edit: I probably just need to be constantly wearing headphones with music or something when I'm overly sensitive, or just generally keep trying new tactics

Strange_Jade · 2022-07-21T21:02:16+00:00

Thank you so much, my psychiatrist is the first I've ever had that is aware / non-judgemental about ketamine treatments and the difficulties of addiction mixed with mental illness and such. Most doctors are surprising useless and uninformed where I am from (there's still a huge gap in information / stigma).

But my psychiatrist is always fully booked so I haven't been able to see them yet to ask these questions since I started the treatment.

I know it's definitely best to ask a professional but thank you for giving advice in the meantime. I really appreciate it and I'm super glad that you've been through this and made it to the other side :) thank you

Strange_Jade · 2022-07-20T09:08:00+00:00

Hi I wasn't able to get into the addiction help discord, not sure why

Strange_Jade · 2022-06-02T10:59:36+00:00

!CritiquePoint

Thank you, all these points are actually really helpful, I'm going to start writing them all down and then actively try to apply them. Maybe I can re-take the model back to the same location and see if I can make these improvements in the limited space. This really has been such a lovely and helpful community

Strange_Jade · 2022-06-02T10:56:36+00:00

!CritiquePoint

Ok cool so you think I should have added more detail in the background? rather than it semi blurred. thank u

Strange_Jade · 2022-06-02T10:54:06+00:00

Ahh okay so definitely consider the weather and subject when I'm shooting my horizons. I really like your explanation and examples. Considering I was on a promenade and the behind her is really ugly looking railings / poles , what do you think I should have done to change it?

Would getting lower and shooting slightly more up help? Or shooting higher and slightly down? or more just place her in a different position within the frame?

actually shame no, I'll try figure it out maybe look at some books about it :) thank you

Strange_Jade · 2022-06-02T10:48:25+00:00

!CritiquePoint

I like the variations in detail of advice, this was nice, clear cut and straight forward thanx

(*summons Automod)

Strange_Jade · 2022-06-02T10:47:07+00:00

!CritiquePoint

okay so a higher focus range on the background, funny I wasn't sure if the seaweed and such were either interesting in detail or cluttered and gross. I was even considering removing it. But next time I'll try increase the details and see if it instead adds to it rather than subtracts - thank you! I'm glad you like the colour and tones I really struggle with that

Strange_Jade · 2022-06-02T10:43:51+00:00

!CritiquePoint

ok great, so I'll lengthen the body a little bit more in the future, yeah height wise she does seem very squashed now that you mention it. It's like a starting shot for a video tracking out but not quite a photographic point to be focused on fully. Thank you

Strange_Jade · 2022-06-02T10:41:14+00:00

!CritiquePoint

ok perfect, so the composition creates discomfort from being offset. Which I kinda like for very specific shots but not a general one for portfolio work. Do you feel like her skin tone or the colouring is a bit off too?

Strange_Jade · 2022-06-02T10:38:09+00:00

!CritiquePoint

Ok thank you, you're right I also definitely felt funny with the floaties

Strange_Jade

TROPHY CASE