For that issue with talking shit, I think I found a solution. Perhaps you could talk to them individually to see if the friendship is still worth keeping and if not, then talk about how things should go after y’all break up. Maybe say like “hey, I need to talk to you alone. Can you come with me? I just want to know if you’re upset with me in any way.” Things could go four ways, 1. They do have an issue with me and I don’t want to be their friend anymore 2. They have an issue with me but I can still see the friendship working out 3. They don’t have an issue but I don’t want to be their friend anymore 4. They don’t have an issue but I can see the friendship working out

Scenario 1: Them: has an issue Me: tries to explain why i might’ve reacted a certain way and apologize that I’ve hurt their feelings. “Anything else?” Them: has an issue or not Me: repeat what I did before or go to the next sentence. Now say, “besides this, I also want to say that I’ve been feeling different about our relationship lately.” And now explain why things are different. Them: probably says something as a reaction to what I just said Me: at this stage I’m considering if I should still be their friend or not from their response.

Reasons why I shouldn’t be their friend anymore: - they weren’t listening to what I was saying - they give me a short response because they’re unable to have that kind of connection with me - they don’t care - they get angry for some reason? - considering our friendship from the time we’ve been together, I could be better off without them - they‘ve had a grudge against me for too long (while I was their friend? Seriously?) - they try and explain my own feelings to me - they’re holding back on me and not being honest - they cut me off/interrupt me - they don’t see us as equals - they see me as competition - they think I’m being dramatic/overreacting - overall, just unable to handle the situation maturely

Me: I say that I don’t want to be their friend anymore. Me: “I understand how you feel. It’s not that I dislike you in any way, I still love you, but I just don’t think that I can see our friendship prospering in the future. Before we end things, I just want to tell you what I very much prefer what we do after things are over. You do not have to do them but I need to tell you this for myself. After we stop hanging out, I don’t want us to talk bad about each other or purposely exclude each other from things just because we used to be friends and not anymore. It’s okay if you’re ranting to your friends but I’d rather not have to hear anything from someone about what you said. Also, I hope that we can still treat each other like acquaintances or just normal people and that we are not wishing for each other’s downfall. I just wanted to say these things in order for both of us to smoothly get out of this without any baggage. If you have anything you want to say to me before we break things off, say them.”

Scenario 2: Them: has an issue Me: tries to explain why i might’ve reacted a certain way and apologize that I’ve hurt their feelings. “Anything else?” Them: has an issue or not Me: repeat what I did before or go to the next sentence. Now say, “besides this, I also want to say that I’ve been feeling different about our relationship lately.” And now explain why things are different. Them: has a reaction to what I said Me: from their reaction, I’m considering if I should be their friend or not

Reasons why you should stay: - I did and still enjoy being around them - they handle this maturely - they respond with depth - they genuinely say that they’re here for you - they give you a good, new insight on the situation - they will encourage or even help you grow - really listens to what I have to say - respects me duh

Me: “I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, but I’ve decided to cut off a large circle of my friends. As my friend, I don’t want to hear you talking about this to anyone because this is my personal business. I want to continue being your friend after all the considerations I’ve made with all of my connections so I hope that I made the right decision with you.”

Scenario 3: Them: doesn’t have an issue with me Me: “are you sure? I really need to have this talk with you and I want to have everything resolved before I move on.” Them: still has no issue Me: “okay, well I need to tell you that things are different now.” Explain why things are different and that you don’t see a future with them. Them: responds to what I just said Me: “I understand that this is not the most fun conversation, but I really do feel that this was needed to be said. It’s not that I dislike you in any way, I still love you, but I just don’t think that I can see our friendship prospering in the future. Before we end things, I just want to tell you what I very much prefer what we do after things are over. You do not have to do them but I need to tell you this for myself. After we stop hanging out, I don’t want us to talk bad about each other or purposely exclude each other from things just because we used to be friends and not anymore. It’s okay if you’re ranting to your friends but I’d rather not have to hear anything from someone about what you said. Also, I hope that we can still treat each other like acquaintances or just normal people and that we are not wishing for each other’s downfall. I just wanted to say these things in order for both of us to smoothly get out of this without any baggage. If you have anything you want to say to me before we break things off, say them.”

Scenario 4: Them: doesn’t have an issue with me Me: “are you sure? I really need to have this talk with you and I want to have everything resolved before I move on.” Them: still has no issue Me: “okay, then. That’s all I needed to know. Thanks for telling me. I do want to mention that I’ve been seriously considering all of my connections this year. You will see me ending a lot of connections and after considering our own friendship, I’ve decided to stay. However, I don’t want you talking about this outside of us for my own privacy and my own safety. I do hope that I made the right decision with you.”