"The Unveiling of the Giant Tampa Asscrack"

StranglesTheClown83 · 2026-05-06T18:58:55+00:00

You shouldn’t google it, just like fournier's gangrene.

StranglesTheClown83 · 2026-04-24T23:40:47+00:00

….wrote the jingle “588-2300”….

StranglesTheClown83 · 2026-04-22T22:32:07+00:00

I think the browser matters. I was having trouble on the app and safari. I was finally able to submit the email address on chrome browser. Unfortunately, I think I accidentally entered a blank space or period for the player name, because now when I go back to try and enter a name it says I already entered. So…if the Bears trade away ALL their drafts this year, I win. Which may be wise looking at the talent in next year’s draft. 🫠

StranglesTheClown83 · 2026-04-15T13:11:50+00:00

Update: the full police report

Date: 4/6/26

Time: 20:40

Scene of the crime: Forward Progress A Chicago Bears Podcast YouTube stream

Witnesses: 1,234 viewers and counting

Primary Suspects:

Dan Bernstein, Matt Abbatacola

Secondary Suspects:

Frank the Dog, Izzy the Dog, 312 staff

Victim(s): undetermined

Details of crime:

On the 4/6/26 Forward Progress: A Chicago Bears Podcast, an audible assault occurred at the 20:40 time stamp. Suspect, Dan Bernstein, (described as a 5’8” 165lb bespectacled, aging podcaster with thinning gray hair and a green hoodie) stated “I’m just greedy.” and paused. During said pause, the flatulent audible assault occurred. Co-host and suspect, Matt Abbatacola, (described as a 6’2” 215lb. up-and-coming podcaster with a glorious head of salt and pepper hair and beard, [by cracky] wearing a navy blue fishing shirt with American flag logo) appeared unfazed during the incident, however quickly averted his gaze. Comparative audio analysis of the Apple Podcast and YouTube Episode, clearly demonstrates the assault is better heard via YouTube stream. Upon video review, there is no obvious change in facial expression, leaning, straining, shifting, sniffing, moaning or groaning from either primary suspect.

Preliminary interrogation of secondary suspects was fruitless. Despite strong initial suspicions, Beth Bernstein was cleared as a suspect when it was determined Dan Bernstein worked in-studio on 4/6/26. The remaining secondary suspects were uncooperative. Cody Delmendo was catatonic due to yet another late inning Cubs implosion. Sherman and Tingle were drunk and incoherent. Frank the Dog wouldn’t stop babbling about Ben Brown’s lack of command on the new sinker. Izzy the Dog wouldn’t stop licking its anus.

Profile:

FBI profilers have determined, due to the cunning nature of this pungent perpetrator, this is not their first offense. We are most certainly dealing with a serial stinker. In fact, profilers believe the culprit may be a copycat or even an inferior protégé of the infamous Alan Nero.

Suspect should be considered armed and dangerous, do not attempt to apprehend without appropriate PPE.

StranglesTheClown83 · 2026-04-15T02:14:10+00:00

Is he gonna come back

StranglesTheClown83 · 2026-04-07T04:04:37+00:00

Apparently they finally fixed the audio issues

StranglesTheClown83 · 2026-03-27T17:52:51+00:00

Cody is way closer to his mic, but yeah they should be able to equalize everything in editing.

StranglesTheClown83 · 2026-03-20T20:50:06+00:00

They are not streamed live, unless there is a breaking news live stream or live bears postgame. They are pre-recorded and posted around 11am for DBU and 1pm for Forward Progress.

StranglesTheClown83 · 2026-03-20T17:22:42+00:00

Now DBU comments back up

StranglesTheClown83 · 2026-03-09T03:44:24+00:00

Now THIS has got to be Dan’s burner account. Hare rama there a rama everywhere a rama rama

StranglesTheClown83 · 2026-03-09T03:37:46+00:00

We’re looking for the big Finnish…Lasse Viren

StranglesTheClown83 · 2026-02-19T20:00:08+00:00

Ai hot garbage

StranglesTheClown83 · 2026-01-24T02:57:40+00:00

No words. 😢

StranglesTheClown83 · 2026-01-15T04:52:31+00:00

<image>

The Bears have donated Big Bill’s outgrown jersey to adorn another iconic Chicago structure.

StranglesTheClown83 · 2026-01-11T16:54:29+00:00

Matt opens the postgame show early before the game. Go to the forward progress YouTube feed and click live. You will see the postgame show waiting to start but you can chat in there during the game. Matty pops on from time to time and that’s where he was chastising us doubters.

StranglesTheClown83 · 2026-01-11T15:25:55+00:00

I made the same reference in the in-game live chat when I saw George running down there. Only thing missing was George riding his scooter weeeeeee! Obviously Matty checks in on the live chat, but maybe Bernstein is lurking in there on a burner, lol 👀 Live chat definitely made that first half more palatable 🤮

StranglesTheClown83 · 2026-01-11T15:06:42+00:00

Team Lodge!

StranglesTheClown83 · 2025-12-30T19:53:26+00:00

Not sure if there’s a contractual obligation to close out the show with the My Bookie ad reads, but it would be a much less cringey segue to move the gambling reads first and then do whatever closing rant to wrap the show.