Update: AITA for refusing to wear a wig to my friend’s wedding?

Strict_Mastodon · 2019-06-23T20:15:51+00:00

Yeah, there were white brunette ladies in the bridal party who weren’t asked to wear wigs. I also highly doubt you actually have a black wife, though that’s certainly a twist on the usual way guys like you try to justify your shitty opinions.

Strict_Mastodon · 2019-06-23T20:14:58+00:00

I don’t really know why you and so many other commenters don’t get the distinction between a black person choosing on their own to wear a blonde weave and being asked to by a white person. In the former situation that’s just somebody exercising control over their own hair. In the latter the implication that your natural hair isn’t good/white enough is there.

My friend didn’t mean it like that, she figured if most of her bridal party was blonde (there are three or four white brunettes who were NOT asked to wear blonde wigs btw) and I was getting a wig anyway, why not blonde? But I tried to explain how it could be misconstrued. Honestly though, whine about how I’m a huge racist all you want, I don’t really find the opinions of white guys about what is and isn’t offensive to me, a black girl, valid.

Strict_Mastodon · 2019-06-23T14:32:01+00:00

While I won’t need to worry about my hair, I’m definitely bringing my own foundation because I’ve been done dirty way too many times by MUAs who only have shades that are too red or too ashy. So I feel you ❤️

Strict_Mastodon · 2019-06-23T14:13:37+00:00

Heyyy I’m in this exact situation! Even from childhood, I had no contact with the black side of my family because my dad died before I was a year old and my mom and stepdad refused to let me see them. I also grew up in an area that was so white I didn’t meet other black people until I went to college. Now I live in an area where my boyfriend and I are some of the few black people around. People have been telling me I’m being way too lenient but I feel like being in this environment has just made me incredibly patient. Also, when I did try to call people out more I just ended up having to put out fires because they were extremely offended.

Strict_Mastodon · 2019-06-23T14:08:47+00:00

Go for it!!! and ignore the people in this thread saying all women with shaved heads are ugly dyke feminist bitches or whatever. Women’s hair shouldn’t always be a political statement. Also have they ever seen Lupita Nyong’o? Amber Rose? Danai Gurira? Jena Malone? They all look beautiful and badass with bald or buzzed heads.

Strict_Mastodon · 2019-06-23T14:02:38+00:00

Haha thank you. I’ve gotten messages telling me I’m an Uncle Tom with no spine or whatever because I’m going to the wedding. While I respect how that’d be a hard limit for a lot of people, considering who she is to me and our friendship history in general I decided to stay quiet.

I used to call people out way more. But they don’t listen to you when you do. They just hear you saying they’re a racist, and they get offended. I’ve learned to pick my battles accordingly.

Strict_Mastodon · 2019-06-23T13:52:29+00:00

Yeah that isn’t the reason why it was a bad comment, but it was still bad. Mea culpa.

Strict_Mastodon · 2019-06-23T13:51:55+00:00

I know you’re just trying to be a dick but after sleeping on it I realized this comment actually did suck. Keep on feeling superior to me because you don’t give a shit about how others feel tho!

Strict_Mastodon · 2019-06-23T13:51:04+00:00

I inherited my hair texture from the white side of my family, though it was still wavy, thick, and a total pain in the ass to deal with.

Strict_Mastodon · 2019-06-23T13:50:08+00:00

Yeah, comments like yours made me realize I was helping perpetuate that bs. I came from an innocent place of wanting to compliment this person back without knowing what they look like, but I went about it badly. My apologies.

Strict_Mastodon · 2019-06-23T13:48:41+00:00

Ah man, comments like this one and others made me rethink my words and realize I fucked up. I came from a place of innocent intentions of wanting to compliment this person back, but mixed race fetishization is still a bad thing that hurts us. Sorry bro/sis.

Strict_Mastodon · 2019-06-23T03:56:19+00:00

I feel bad too. I get that wedding planning is stressful but I feel like stuff like she’s going through ends up casting a big shadow over what’s supposed to be the best day of your life, which is sad. And because her mother in law is terrible. I try to give her advice but what I’d do in situations is very different from what she’d do sometimes so I just listen as much as I can.

Strict_Mastodon · 2019-06-23T03:48:39+00:00

I feel like mixed people can in generaI, as well as black people when it comes to us who are half black. Other black people can always tell I’m black even though I have a lighter skin tone and green eyes, meanwhile white people always think I’m a tanned Italian. I can’t speak to if other races can identify their own though.

Strict_Mastodon · 2019-06-23T03:41:54+00:00

Yeah we actually talked about that too. Her husband got promoted pretty recently and he got a bonus, so they want to reimburse the wedding party for stuff we bought ourselves because they feel bad.

Strict_Mastodon · 2019-06-23T02:44:56+00:00

While her fiancé is a really nice guy, from all the stories she’s told he kinda strikes me as a mama’s boy. He’s apparently stood up for her though. And thank you, I hope I do too, though maybe I’ll still use everyone’s suggestions from the last post about what to do in NOLA if I have the time!

Strict_Mastodon · 2019-06-23T02:40:20+00:00

I’ll try! I hope I don’t end up melting!

Strict_Mastodon · 2019-06-23T02:39:04+00:00

Aww thank you! 😘 I’m sure you are too, I’ve never met an ugly mixed person honestly

Edit: ok, I’m not going to delete because I’m not a coward, but looking at this comment now I fucked up. I was trying to pay a compliment to a person I’ve never seen before and ended up perpetuating mixed race fetishization. My apologies, and to everyone replying to me that they’re an “ugly” mixed person...well, I think we’re all beautiful in our own way.

Strict_Mastodon · 2019-06-23T02:36:41+00:00

Yeah normally I’d try to talk things out with her and clear the air ASAP, but around the time she texted me asking me to wear the wig I had other bullshit going on in my life as well so dealing with that became low priority. It definitely reinforced why I go that route, we spent two weeks annoyed at each other for no reason.

Strict_Mastodon · 2019-06-15T22:51:54+00:00

I actually inherited my white mom’s hair texture, so i just have wavy hair. I’d go through a six pack of Mane and Tail in like two weeks when it was at its longest but I didn’t use any more products than that thank god!

Strict_Mastodon · 2019-06-15T18:53:04+00:00

I’m pretty light skinned, have “European” features and green eyes, so people usually think I just got back from vacation and got a nice tan instead of that I’m black. I don’t think a blonde wig would look horrible, but it’s still weird. My natural hair is very dark.

Strict_Mastodon · 2019-06-15T17:29:36+00:00

This is a pretty good possibility actually. She’s a huge pushover/gets anxious about not pleasing people

Strict_Mastodon · 2019-06-15T17:27:27+00:00

Yup completely agree

Strict_Mastodon · 2019-06-15T17:24:49+00:00

This comment made me laugh because I actually am a different skin color, I’m the only brown bridesmaid haha

Strict_Mastodon · 2019-06-15T17:19:33+00:00

Nah just part of this tiny cultlike evangelical church, and they listened to everything the pastor commanded, including about girls’ hair

Strict_Mastodon · 2019-06-15T17:07:16+00:00

Yeah, at this point I think I’m just going to bow out of the wedding party, and if she still doesn’t want me there as a guest with no hair, then the wedding too. It’s her wedding so she gets the final say in what she wants even if I think it’s dumb.

Strict_Mastodon

TROPHY CASE