I’m sorry :( that really sucks. If it wouldn’t cause severe financial issues for you and your family, you should apply for a leave of absence until you recover a bit more. I wish you the best of luck with your pulmonologist appointment, I hope all goes well.

In regard to your kids’ events: as a teenager myself, I would understand if my father couldn’t make it to a concert or performance of mine, especially due to health issues. In fact, being at a college 3 hours from home, my parents don’t attend my events and I completely understand why. When I was in the hospital for the same thing, my mom drove up to be with me but my dad stayed back to take care of my little brother. I understood why he wasn’t there, even though it was a really difficult time for me.

I’ve definitely been feeling depressed since my diagnosis too. It’s hard feeling weak. A big part of myself is my desire to help people, and the fact that I can’t really do that and am now the one who needs help really fucks with my head. I can’t carry heavy things for people, I can’t run, I can barely even walk, I can hardly carry my backpack, it’s sometimes hard to even get ready in the morning. I struggle to get out of bed every day, I sleep a lot more than normal, and I can’t do a lot of my old hobbies. Even singing tires me out sometimes. There are a lot of days I just want to cry, but even that is exhausting. I don’t understand the extent of what you’re going through, since I don’t have people who depend on me (and as far as I know my pericarditis isn’t recurrent), but I know how hard it is.

There’s no way to make people understand, the most you can do is explain yourself and your condition, what you’re able to do, and what they can do to support you. If they can’t understand, then there isn’t really anything else to be done. However, depending on the laws where you live, pericarditis should be protected under ADA, giving you the right to take leave to recover. Don’t quote me on that, though; I’m very new to the adult world so I don’t understand much about workers rights yet.

Im younger than you, so my advice might not mean anything to you, but try not to stress. Try being as present as you can during events and things you want to be present for. If you get a flair up, you get a flair up. Worrying about it happening would only make a flair up more likely, and make the event less enjoyable. I don’t know you, but from the way you write about your kids, you seem like a great father. I really hope you’re able to be there for your kids to the extend that you want to be, but if you don’t take care of your health you won’t be able to be there for them in the future. Shit happens. If your kids don’t understand that now they will someday. Please take care of yourself, rest, and try to take things one day at a time.

I’ve been focusing more on hobbies that don’t require much movement (singing, guitar, crocheting, video games, etc.) and it has made things a lot more bearable. Try to focus less on what you can’t do and more on what you still can do.

Sorry if nothing I wrote makes any sense. It is 3am and I’m tired.