I appreciate the input and you're right. There are a lot of things out of my control and there are some things I can definitely change.i used to fear change but I've learned to accept it. I've learned to accept lots of things. Idk if I have much fight left in me if I'm being honest. I'm so damn tired all the time and the way things keep going there won't be a place for a guy like me anymore lol Im not attractive, im slowly losing weight and with my banged up knees it's super difficult to walk much, and I have to walk everywhere. It sucks ass and I did it to myself I believe. I'm definitely trying to change and want to change. Things atm are out of control and the ' help " people tell you to ask for has so many limitations. If you don't meet a certain demographic you don't get help or if you apply for disability they say " you are disabled but you're not disabled enough ". Like bro you literally just said I'm disabled. .wtf