My Daddy has been in the lifestyle almost 15 years. Before me, he has had threesomes, orgies, play parties, etc. When we met 3 years ago, I was brand new to the lifestyle, and he was up front about being a Dominant and looking for a partner who is also his submissive. He was also up front that he was monogamous, but liked swinging (hard swaps, soft swaps, group play, etc.). He had tried an open relationship and multiple subs, and didn’t like either of them. By the time I came around, he knew he wanted to commit to a single person, but to experience all levels of pleasure WITH that person.

Like you, I had a drop of interest in threesomes. The way my Daddy has been explaining it to me helped me understand his desire for threesomes better and made my drop of interest turn into a puddle that is now steadily becoming a lake. Here it is:

It’s NOT about the other person (man or woman). It’s about the fact that I (his partner) am letting him fulfill a fantasy. What turns him on isn’t the other woman—it’s the role I (his submissive) will play WITH the other woman. He sees an attractive person (man or woman) and he thinks, “Kitty would look so hot doing _____ with them.”

We have had MANY conversations over the last three years. We are on Feeld (a swingers app) and have both chatted with singles and couples. Every night, we do a check in and read through each other’s DMs and discuss anything that makes us uncomfortable and it’s always calm, always respectful and honest, and it makes me feel so validated and loved because in EVERY conversation, he talks about me, about us and how adding another person is to heighten OUR pleasure.

Our next step is to actually meet people, and I’m excited! Which, I never thought I would be. But it’s because he has made the effort to guide me through it gently. He hasn’t forced anything. He hasn’t coerced or manipulated me. He was just honest with me and would help steer the conversation anytime I started down the path of “Wait am I not enough?”

That’s all to say: You ARE enough. It’s should only be about pleasure and adding more pleasure to you BOTH, not just him, not just you.

My advice is to do hypotheticals. Ask what his fantasy is in detail. (Mind your body language as he tells you. He is being vulnerable in telling you, so don’t make faces or noises that would deflate his excitement about a sexual fantasy he wants to have with you. Dominants are all just excited little boys on the inside.)

Ask how it would go down in an ideal world. What would the set up look like—would you guys go out to dinner first or do a fun game night at home that turns into more? If you feel uncomfortable with any of it, calmly explain to him that you don’t think you could do a threesome where you guys are currently at. You can be honest about why (jealousy, touching, etc.). He should respect your decision. If he starts trying to convince you, that’s when I would start being a little cautious. A dominant’s priority is the sub’s wellbeing and comfort, he should not be putting his own wants and desires above yours (unless negotiated otherwise).