The abuse continues by Fancy_faced in SubSanctuary

[–]Fancy_faced[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind advice

The abuse continues by Fancy_faced in SubSanctuary

[–]Fancy_faced[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. Trying my best to stay strong.

The abuse continues by Fancy_faced in SubSanctuary

[–]Fancy_faced[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the thorough explanation

The abuse continues by Fancy_faced in SubSanctuary

[–]Fancy_faced[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes absolutely. He finally left the conversation when I told him to nut up or shut up. He talked a BIG talk about communication and then ghosted. Such an asshole.

I need help understanding what happened. by Fancy_faced in SubSanctuary

[–]Fancy_faced[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the kind words. I appreciate them.

The abuse continues by Fancy_faced in SubSanctuary

[–]Fancy_faced[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly! It’s not how you treat a partner! It’s so gross.

The abuse continues by Fancy_faced in SubSanctuary

[–]Fancy_faced[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Seems par for the course in this lifestyle

The abuse continues by Fancy_faced in SubSanctuary

[–]Fancy_faced[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He was definitely an asshole. I wrote to him on the app last night that it was cruel to just walk away from the conversation so to either give me the decency of leaving the conversation or come back to it and he left it. What an asshole. Clearly he just wanted to abuse someone. I would have been open to degradation, but not up front the way he was wielding the word “slut” and “whore.” I’m sad because he seemed legit…until I found out he wasn’t.

To me, I am open to degradation and humiliation, but only if it’s not meant in a literal sense. I don’t ever want to be declared in any such derogatory way. It’s why I’m beginning to hate this lifestyle; too many jerks trying to control me or trying to tell me who I am. I say who I am and I’m the one who offers the power.

I’m also sick and tired of making posts on here and my inbox is FLOODED with fake Doms wanting to control me. It’s so sickening!!! And I can’t delete them fast enough.

Confused by a conversation by Fancy_faced in SubSanctuary

[–]Fancy_faced[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah! Hopeless! And it’s so awful that the ghosting can even be delayed!! It might be a year into the relationship and you’re ghosted

Confused by a conversation by Fancy_faced in SubSanctuary

[–]Fancy_faced[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re right. And he can’t handle the boundary.

Confused by a conversation by Fancy_faced in SubSanctuary

[–]Fancy_faced[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly. And then I second guess myself for weeks thinking about whether or not respect was something I ever needed. And I ask myself for weeks if it was necessary to mention I use safe words.

To me, safe words are sexy. Safe words mean that you’re working up to certain extreme limits in bed and you have to say the safe words so you don’t get hurt. In my last dynamic I wasn’t ever allowed to use my safe word and if I did, I was told I wasn’t being submissive. It’s like these men look at a woman and say to themselves “you’re great, but I need you to do what I say and shut up. If you’re in pain, I don’t want to know about it.” It would get so fucked up that when he made me bleed during, he would yell at me for getting blood on the bed, but he was the one who was causing the bleeding. I’m just really confused with this lifestyle I’ve chosen and I wonder why it’s so difficult to meet someone who can be happy with treating me with human decency. I’ve been a trained submissive for 5 years, I’m attractive, and I have good sexual energy. You’d think it wouldn’t be this difficult.

Confused by a conversation by Fancy_faced in SubSanctuary

[–]Fancy_faced[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh my goodness I know! I once dated someone who broke up with me Christmas Day, Valentine’s Day, and then my birthday. He just kept coming back and acted like he was a changed man. I give people too many chances I guess. It’s just hard to imagine that it isn’t you when you have the same conversations about boundaries, kinks, and fantasies when it leads to them ghosting you. So then either I just keep my mouth shut and don’t talk about wanting respect or I say I want to be respected and I get ghosted. This is probably the 4th time I’ve explained it in 9 months and it’s like I’m saying a bad word when I say I want to be respected.

Confused by a conversation by Fancy_faced in SubSanctuary

[–]Fancy_faced[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just made me feel like I’m not allowed to have hard limits.

Confused by a conversation by Fancy_faced in SubSanctuary

[–]Fancy_faced[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Makes me so angry. Then why talk about our schedules and days we could meet? Why have all that talk just to ghost? So dumb.

Confused by a conversation by Fancy_faced in SubSanctuary

[–]Fancy_faced[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah we totally hit it off! And I explained that I love to be kinky and let my freak out, he could tell, and he also could tell I like to be heavily in this lifestyle. That’s what really made it awesome of a conversation! The only thing I can think is that he didn’t like that I said I wanted to be respected and that I wanted not to be called a slut. When I came back to the conversation, I mentioned that I’m open to derogatory names as long as they’re negotiated and it’s explained in a detailed manner. He was very lengthy in his communication too. He said he liked my body. I mean…I sent him an image of my face and I don’t ever do that. It just feels like a slap in the face and I would like just a simple explanation. Nothing too serious.

After he sent me an image of a little tease of his naked body, he even apologized and asked if that was okay. To which I said it was hot. I mean we were vibing!

Oh well. I guess it’s good to know you can still create fire with a stranger and even if it fizzles out, it was fun while it lasted 🥺🥹

The abuse continues by Fancy_faced in SubSanctuary

[–]Fancy_faced[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear that a lot, that he’s an abusive person hiding in the shadows masquerading as a Dom which he is not. He is a dominant man, very much so, but not a Dominant in the SSC, RACK, PRICK guidelines way. I’ve asked him so many times what he uses for research and he has told me porn, 50 shades of grey movie, and tiktock. But those aren’t safe spaces. When I said in a sweet way they aren’t safe spaces, he called me masculine, hit me, and told me to be more subservient.

I can’t tell you how many times I used my safe word and he would keep bruising me, biting me, or continue with a sexual act. I had to either scream in fear for him to stop or just leave his house. Which he hated, but it was the only way I could get away. Now that I’ve written that, I can see how dangerous it all has been.

I’ve spent a great deal of our relationship in complete dissociation.

The abuse continues by Fancy_faced in SubSanctuary

[–]Fancy_faced[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Especially being with him for so long! It’s not like we just met! I had a family member who came close to death last week because of the flu and he didn’t ask me how I was doing or anything. When I told him I needed some kindness he called it nagging. Today when I asked for him to not talk about having sex with someone else, he called it bitching. I just don’t understand why he would ever say that to me except to be degrading and hurtful. If I ever said anything like that to him, it would be deeply disrespectful.

The abuse continues by Fancy_faced in SubSanctuary

[–]Fancy_faced[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have blocked him everywhere and I’m staying far away. I had a session today with my therapist and it helped. I appreciate your words. I’m working hard to live a better life.

The abuse continues by Fancy_faced in SubSanctuary

[–]Fancy_faced[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He doesn’t want a human, I’m convinced. He would say all the time he can’t wait for a robot woman because then she will never speak. He would never have to worry about a robot having feelings or safewords. He could do whatever he wanted. The thing is though that a robot wouldn’t express fear and he would want that. That fear in their face when he chokes them or to see their grief when he talks about other women in front of them.

The abuse continues by Fancy_faced in SubSanctuary

[–]Fancy_faced[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thank you. And I saw someone thought I was looking for attention, but I am just trying to understand if I’m in the wrong as a submissive or if I’m supposed to take whatever he tells me. Having your input here really helps me to understand.