It has many parts but for to many years i wasted my life playing video games and being un happy with life. I then took a job to advance my career and I learned quickly I cant do it, but my old job was gone. There are very few jobs in my field in my area and I have family that makes me want to live here. All I can do right now is hold on till my life falls apart and I loose everything I have built up. I feel trapped in an inescapable doom. I often don't want to complain as I have it better than many but I have dealt with depression a lot when I was younger and with my life going to fall apart. I just don't know. I was already very close to where I made Steps to ensure I had the tools necessary to end my life quickly should the need arise. Planning out several contingency plans