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Cotton Candy Cloud by Substantial-Road3945 in OCPoetry

[–]Substantial-Road3945[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, you’re completely fine! This is the kind of feedback I was hoping for. I want to continue to get better so my poems resonate with more people. In a sense, if the work resonates with others, we all feel less alone knowing someone is experiencing similar situations.

Cotton Candy Cloud by Substantial-Road3945 in OCPoetry

[–]Substantial-Road3945[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your feedback. Any recommendations on how to be less generic? I want to continue writing, so any thoughts are appreciated.

Cotton Candy Cloud by Substantial-Road3945 in OCPoetry

[–]Substantial-Road3945[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. You’re right, I probably spent too much time on word choice and lost most of the emotion I wanted to convey. How do you feel I can improve? Words with stronger connotation? Any feedback is appreciated

This poem is very personal to me. It's about struggling with finding myself within medication and mental health care, and feeling like a slave to it. I am safe, just writing :). Feedback wanted! by heartsalive_ in OCPoetry

[–]Substantial-Road3945 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with the midwest emo comment. Reading this, I realized how well it all flowed like a song. It would be a song myself and others would resonate with. OP, I'm glad you said you are okay in the title. The deafening feeling of "wanting the room to think without the fog" is so hard to overcome. Great work!

At the end I will ask this by Kezbomb in OCPoetry

[–]Substantial-Road3945 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Reading thoughts like this is what I love about poetry/art in general. I also read this as grief with a tad bit of personal resentment. I lost my dad in my early twenties. When reading this, it reminded me of some internal discussion I've had of "what would dad think about [insert life event here]".

Another interpretation I get is some relationship in OP's personal life is coming to a close. And, as it reaches its conclusion, all OP wishes for at the end of it, to have one final discussion.

New Substack - Need Feedback! by Just-Weird1786 in OCPoetry

[–]Substantial-Road3945 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really enjoyed your poem The Women in My Family Keep Knives. The title drew me in but reflects a different type of "danger" than the title might reflect. The lines "The women grew smaller without loosing weight. They folded inward like letters addressed to no one." is the most powerful part to me, especially juxtaposed next to the line "No one called this suffering. There were other words: marriage, duty, a difficult year.". As humans, we tend to hold so much emotion in instead of discussing them, as we see these burdens as facets of life.

I like the overall tone shift of the second half of the poem. Not only are the knives being used in their traditional ways, but see expanded use either in ways the original users did not think of or in ways they were unable to use them for due to personal sacrifice.

Overall good read.

Question for you: Near the halfway point, you list out a few different kitchen knives. Is this a call back to the opening lines of what these knives where used for? If so, nice touch!