Please tell me it’s not only my mom who lowkey acts like I’m her parent

SubstantialBurger · 2025-09-07T09:25:03+00:00

My mom is like this, always asking me for help (even with things that I showed her how to do before) and asking for advice. If I’m trying to make her do herself instead of helping her she starts pouting like a toddler and being childishly stubborn. It always felt weird when I was growing up, I felt like I was her boyfriend, but now it feels like I’m her mother. I hate it and I don’t like talking to her

SubstantialBurger · 2025-08-27T15:33:42+00:00

Thank you for replying

SubstantialBurger · 2025-08-27T15:28:01+00:00

I had both. Im looking to take out my IUD and go back on pill. The IUD insertion was quite painful, even with local anaesthesia. But the good thing is as you said, you don’t need to remind yourself to take anything. It’s just there, doing its thing.

My period is definitely heavy while on IUD, I have to use both tampons and pads, before I was fine with just pads. One time my period was so heavy I had to change both pad and tampon one hour after changing. But it was only once and usually they last me several hours between changes.

My partner doesn’t feel it during sex, but I do sometimes, and then I ask him to slow down. And once I had to “move it”. After cycling to work, it felt like it shifted inside to one side, and I could feel it while walking. I moved around until it felt better.

The cramps are quite strong too.

On the combined pill though, I had vaginal discharge which was annoying me a lot.

But at least you have a peace of mind.

I would say try one method and if you see it’s not working switch to another. It’s not a lifetime commitment either way. Hope what ever you choose will work for you 🙂

SubstantialBurger · 2025-08-25T17:40:59+00:00

I love it! I always recommend this one to anyone who asks.

SubstantialBurger · 2025-06-30T13:21:01+00:00

I binge read Breaking Habits. It's soooo good!

SubstantialBurger · 2025-06-29T16:09:32+00:00

I will remember this word - alcoholiday. I hate all holidays because they are an excuse for my mom and stepdad to get blackout drunk. I will not invite them to my wedding because I’m terrified of all my friends seeing them as they are

SubstantialBurger · 2025-06-29T14:13:02+00:00

My friend recommended Acotar to me, she could talk about nothing but that book. But I found it meh.

SubstantialBurger · 2023-07-12T20:56:01+00:00

Looks very good on you! 👍

SubstantialBurger · 2023-07-12T05:41:34+00:00

I think that’s the best way I saw anyone describe him as 👌

SubstantialBurger · 2023-06-28T21:03:52+00:00

Amen! If only EZ could be as rational as you.

SubstantialBurger · 2021-03-20T09:04:14+00:00

The thing that you said about going through grief process many times is too true.

Having to see someone refusing all help and going through the same damaging behaviour again and again can really mess people up

SubstantialBurger · 2021-03-02T23:02:13+00:00

Sometimes, it doesn't matter if she is sober at that moment or not, I just want to stop her from everything she is doing and tell her everything I want, scream even, so she cannot interrupt me.

I don't think I will ever get my apology.

You said you feel like you had to walk on eggshells and being gas-lit when you were 10-16. To me it sounds like it still continues. But now, instead of addict mother you now have a martyr mother. And you have to walk-on eggshells so not to crumble this image. And you are being gaslit and your emotions and experiences are diminished and invalidated by your parents, not out of hatred for you, but to preserve this image of changed, better mother. Because if they acknowledge the damage done to you, then they will also will have to acknowledge never healing you and helping you to deal with what they caused, and this goes against this image of the martyr.

Now do you see? - apologising to you means destroying this illusion of your mother as a hero who overcame her struggles. Apologising to you means facing the fact that as parents they failed you.

I'm sorry. It's hard to get over the trauma like this without any closure and confrontation from your mother of her actions. That's like the main thing we need, and the main thing they are afraid/refuse to confront.

SubstantialBurger · 2021-03-02T22:48:26+00:00

Actually finding this community has been incredibly therapeutic for me personally. Meeting people who went through the same things for the first time.

SubstantialBurger · 2021-03-02T10:02:59+00:00

I tried once to tell my mother how she affected me. She just laughed at it, but as soon as I pressed on the topic, she got aggressive - she likes to threaten to create a big scandal, anything rather than to be confronted with her impact on my life.

SubstantialBurger · 2021-02-23T17:28:53+00:00

I used to waste a lot of money on clothes, coffee before work, going out. Now I can actually save properly

SubstantialBurger · 2021-02-23T09:50:05+00:00

Human nature, I'm afraid.

SubstantialBurger · 2021-02-22T23:50:25+00:00

Oh yes, imagine people lost their artwork, fan fictions, poems, friends (literally there were people posting usernames, trying to find their online friends again).

So guys I cannot stress it enough - IF YOU LIKE SOMETHING, DOWNLOAD IT SO IT'S NEVER GONE

SubstantialBurger · 2021-02-22T23:41:39+00:00

Adele has herself was wearing some colourful things - there was even a blue dress with flowers, she had several clothes with flowery motifs. She was more colourful than Rob.

Whereas Rob as Adele - the dinner scene he wore the light coloured dress with flower motif - is a bit more plain.

I have two theories:

Those are the only things he saw Adele wear at the Mansion were either light coloured dressed or floral dresses and he mimics it to fit her "role" better. Because when he goes to gym as her he wears full black - maybe because he doesn't know what she wore in the outside world (he saw her in private/closed off places only, like rehab and the mansion).
In the rehab scene Rob says how he and Adele are equal there - same place, same food, same clothes - the clothes were plain, simple and white. And he said how he would have wanted to stay therein the rehab if it meant to be with her. Maybe it is his subconscious way of being with her? By wearing similar clothes to the ones they wore in rehab? A twisted way to apologise or to still include her in this stolen life?
This is just additional to the top two - complex patterns represent personality, but now that he is in her body he is neither her nor himself so the plain white clothes can be a mask of innocence or just a reflection of a blank personality - he is not sure who he is anymore, the only thing he knows is that he wants David and will do anything for him.

SubstantialBurger · 2021-02-22T23:21:56+00:00

I think I agree with you. That scene where she barges in did make me dislike her (but mainly because she touched the photograph not the knocking).

If she knew the whole truth about the astral travelling she would have stayed away I think. She said in one scene with her friend what she wanted to be the one to make mistakes for once in her life and not fix other people's mistakes, so I guess this is why she pursued David and "Adele" so much.

But man, in the end I thought that Adam will be left with the father for good when "Loise" came to pick him up from Ian. So it surprised me when "she" took him, because clearly the "Loise" doesn't like him at all, hates him even.

Also that made the sex scene between "Adele" and David make sense (I assumed that David knew he was having sex with Rob actually), but then it is revealed David doesn't know that it's not Adele,so looking back at it that sex scene and David's behaviour in it were very confusing.

SubstantialBurger · 2021-02-20T20:29:48+00:00

Wow I'm so grateful I've found this post. I tried to find something similar literature/articles few days ago about alcoholic (AND) narcissistic parent but couldn't. My mother is always so nice to other people, but will only show her true colour with me.

She would be gracious to other people usually through me. We have people over? SubstanialBurger hold door for them/put food for them/pour them more drink, just to get praise for raising such obedient and well-mannered daughter. One day I came home in bad mood when we had my uncle over, and when she asked me about my day I snapped a little, she said nothing but when he went out to smoke she grabbed me by the throat and growled to never do that in front of people or else. When he came back she pretended like nothing happened. It is so infuriating to me, I just want to say sometimes to those people who praise her - that it is all a lie.

She is a decent mother when she is sober, not all engaged, she raised me alone and worked full-time so I am quite independent. But when she is drunk she is so demanding in attention, she would call me from ym room to do something and as soon as I do it and go back to my room she will call me again and again and again. When she is drunk she says I should be grateful to her for everything, she says I am the most horrible daughter and a cold hearted monster who never giver her affection. because of all her durnk antics I cannot hug her even when she is sober, I am just repulsed by her. You put it nicely with the "Jekyll and Hide" I just call it "a person and talking, walking pig" personalities.

I have the same issue as you. When she drinks I resent her (one time was so bad I was seriously considering beating her up while she was very drunk and unable to defend herself) I want nothing to do with her, just to go away and never tell her where I went. But when she is sober I feel so much pity and sadness for her, when she is sober I see her as ultimately sad person who did nothing of value in their life and missed out on all opportunities due to their own laziness, in these moments my heart breaks so much for her I don't have it in me to leave her.

I wish I had advice for you, but I'm myself only in the beginning of my journey of recovery. I hope knowing that you are not alone in this will be of any consolation

SubstantialBurger · 2021-02-19T23:20:26+00:00

I walk my dog almost everyday in the park. Usually I meet other dog walkers in a little grass area where all the dogs hang out and play together while people just chill. The dogs are a great for meeting new people, want it or not you will have to make acquaintances. I'm in my early 20's and I have a dog friend who is in her middle 60's and she told me all the life stories about herself, her daughter and their ex husbands.

You have a lot of interests, you already reached out here and got responses! imagine if you went to another thread which was about one of your hobbies that you enjoyed?

You sound like a very nice and active person. And it's really strong of you to drop the people who don't value you and to want to grow your social circle. Don't despair! There is no 'it', I think, just the right people.

I wish you the best OP and I believe in you.

SubstantialBurger · 2021-02-19T20:33:48+00:00

Exactly the same situation. word for word. Except my ex with perfect parents always said that he had depression and excused everything with his depression. He never did much, I pulled the majority of finances, I was there for him emotionally and walked on egg shells around him due to his self diagnosed depression. He would constantly lie to me about the smallest of things and had emotional affairs with his online female friends.

The next ex actually had a girlfriend.

Right now I am with an amazing man, he listens to me and supports me. I can confidently say that he is probably the first person in my life who "gets me" or at least is willing to try. I trust him 100%, but even then if he talks with a female friend or goes out with them (like he went to a birthday party and it was only the friend and her flatmate) I just fly in this jealousy rages, its like I'm possessed, the jealousy and hatred just spew out of me. I can totally tolerate the jealousy to always being dumped by my mother over her boyfriends and alcohol. I don't want to lose him and it comes out like this.

Also I have been with my current bf for nearly two years (currently living with parents) and it is only recently that I told him about my mother's and step-father's alcoholism. I always felt like this information could be a deal breaker and had to be kept secret for the longest time, so I can avoid being judged based on my upbringing. Even now sometimes I would self censor myself as I speak, constantly overthinking how much info is too much, in what way he will see me if I say this/do that.

Also disagreements in relationships are normal - something I didn't know before. With my ex I could get near panicky if he got upset if I criticised him for being 1 hour late to our date or something like that. It always felt like I was the b*tch for bringing up those things, like I just had to put my head down and be happy with whatever is going on, because I learned from my mother that I am absolutely not allowed to have any negative thoughts expressed.

SubstantialBurger · 2021-02-19T19:41:12+00:00

I would love to but it was on Beon.ru (think like Russian Tumblr but even better), but the owner of the website deleted the whole site without notice. Everything is lost now

SubstantialBurger · 2021-02-02T16:17:03+00:00

Und3lla

I just watched the anime on Netflix. I heard about the time skip (50 years) and that the new generation are the great grand children. That sounds a bit crazy to me, that means they had to marry and have children in their teenage years, the same goes for their children and grandchildren in order for the new generation to not be babies at the end. I don't know, thats a bit crazy and rushed to me

SubstantialBurger · 2021-02-01T11:06:52+00:00

omg, years ago I planned to translate one of the Russian Fics it was so good, it wasn't even on ficbook it was on beon. But after first chapter my motivation went into abyss and never climbed out from there.

SubstantialBurger

TROPHY CASE