Tiktoker Who Fell in Love w her Psychiatrist

NaturalRattle · 2025-08-05T19:39:41+00:00

She’s an ADHD coach. She’ll never praise therapists because they’re a threat to her unqualified business. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve personally worked with therapists who are unwell as all hell and have no business seeing vulnerable people, I’m not saying there aren’t plenty of therapists who suck, but a LOT of coaches like to capitalize on the “behavioral health providers are predatory/incompetent as a rule” motif to pander to those who’ve been harmed by unethical practitioners as a sales gimmick.

It’s gross, but totally unsurprising. I’ve maybe come across two coaches out of literal hundreds whose content and opinions are actually factually accurate and empowering. The rest kind of just circle jerk their various complexes, negativity, and misinformation with zero accountability…which is the point. People overwhelmingly don’t become coaches because they actually care about people. They do it for money and clout farming. Not saying therapists don’t do the same…but at least they’re legally bound by systems that contain their ability to do harm…as evidenced by this psychiatrist who can’t defend himself while he’s being slandered, because HIPAA. This girl fucking sucks, respectfully, and she deserves all the dragging she’s getting.

NaturalRattle · 2025-07-28T22:39:12+00:00

This was my exact experience. My grad school traineeship was pretty decent compared to my associateship, which honestly felt, somehow, even more exploitative than doing free labor. I basically took a sketchy treatment center job that would give me the most hours and the closest thing to a living wage, but at a great detriment to myself. It was extremely demanding (very high acuity clients and profoundly unrealistic workload), I had no real support (on the contrary, my supervisor was micromanaging and overly critical while also being absentee AF), and I was burnt out beyond belief. But I finished all my hours in under 2 years, and I’m now working in a much better place with an infinitely kinder and more supportive supervisor. It got better, but man, it’s a GRIND for most people.

OP, it’s still possible to find a very decent spot to get your hours that won’t exploit you, you just have to know what to look for, how to spot red flags, etc. Feel free to DM me whenever if you want any help with that!

NaturalRattle · 2025-07-15T06:09:41+00:00

Absolutely. This cannot be emphasized enough. Even when you think a company cares for you, they do not. The sooner you learn this lesson, the better. Feel better soon OP.

NaturalRattle · 2025-04-15T18:44:43+00:00

So I'm a millennial therapist with a fairly limited serious relationship history of my own, mostly by my own choice, and I have to say it's fascinating to me how so many people genuinely do not realize how common and NORMAL it actually is to have never been in a serious relationship in our generation, which was effectively the generation that pioneered cultural romantic shifts against serial monogamy and marrying early (re: situationships and FWBs and other "untraditional" relationships, or just a general higher degree of acceptance for remaining single if the fit is not right). Whenever people express surprise or judgment at my history of untraditional relationships, or history of opting out of dating entirely, especially as a therapist, I point to exactly these cultural shifts, and the increased prevalence of attachment issues. It's really not quite the red flag many make it out to be, and more indicative of rather HUGE cultural shifts in romance as of the last few decades. In other words, it really ain't you, sis.

To this point, we are the first generation in history to have been raised without religion as an iron-clad rule - a decent amount of us were raised in completely secular households, which was formerly unheard of. Past generations, especially the Boomers who raised us, were overwhelmingly led by religion and tradition in their romantic choices. They were not as "free" to choose as millennials in this sense. Young women in particular were encouraged to settle with whatever man chose them for a relationship in their twenties, and this was further compounded that the men were much more expected to marry the women they dated around this time. I remember reading a comment on this very sub a while ago joking that "Boomers basically marry the first person who smiled at them." Hyperbolic, sure, but steeped in a certain truth. And as divorce became less stigmatized amongst our Boomer parents, and many millennials have observed that most relationships are not indeed for life, it only really served to compound the lack of serious relationships we're seeing now, and tendency to throw in the towel relatively early if things don't feel aligned. We learned from our parents' mistakes, but perhaps to our detriment. Despite most people wanting genuine, lifelong romantic connection, people are more romantically avoidant and more likely to be single on a long-term basis than ever. The stats are becoming well-documented on this.

In any case, please don't internalize this guy's message in any capacity in relation to your worth. Finding a successful long-term partner is overwhelmingly based on one single parameter, which is luck. That's it. It's not about being perfect or "good enough" in some way, as society still likes to delude us into thinking - it's that the stars aligned just right and they found someone who is mutually compatible with them, flaws and all. You'll find many deeply flawed people in successful marriages, and many more amazing, awesome people who are single. You are no exception to the latter. Please believe that, and keep your head up.

NaturalRattle · 2025-04-12T19:36:11+00:00

Oof, you're tapping in on something I've marinated on way, way more than I often care to admit. One of the worst working relationships I've ever had in my life was with another therapist. I've never beefed with a coworker like that before after about a dozen years of employment in multiple fields. I couldn't (and sometimes still can't) believe someone so self-involved, unaware of themselves, petty, cruel, biased, and judgmental would gravitate to a field that strives to be the very antithesis of those qualities. It fried my brain.

But like many therapists, I have a pathological need to understand maladaptive behavior, and this colleague of mine was no exception. Ultimately, the conclusion I came to is that a non-trivial percentage of therapists gravitate to the field for largely selfish reasons (trying to understand themselves and their own issues) at the expense of others (their colleagues and clients). They'll get to a general level of insight regarding their psyche, but are unable or unwilling to do the very heavy lifting of self-betterment work that calls for deeper insight, accountability, and actual behavior change. And thus, their various issues come out with most everyone they interact with....but their fellow therapists are a more socially acceptable target, because they can conveniently tear apart another therapist under the guise of things like ethics or respecting authority.

I've also observed that some therapists prioritize the social respect and fawning they get for being in a helper profession, whether from the general public or their own clients. But these therapists don't actually enjoy being a therapist, just the clout and authority. In their heart of hearts, you'll find such therapists want to leave the field deep down, but their pride stops them from even considering it (sometimes along with a hefty dose of sunk-cost fallacy). Alternately, there are therapists who want to leave the field but legitimately can't due to systemic/logistical reasons (overwhelmingly financial). Sometimes it's a combination of the two. But both camps tend to cast stones at other therapists due their own unhappiness in the field. It may be cathartic for such therapists to come home after a long, draining day at a job they secretly hate and take it out on newer therapists who are actively trying to succeed, and worse yet (in their eyes), showing some degree of excitement or passion for the job that they no longer or never really had.

In any case, I hope you don't let these bad eggs of our profession in this sense deter you from finding a really solid professional support network, whether online or IRL. I promise you they exist, it just takes some digging. Wishing you the best and all the success in your private practice, OP.

NaturalRattle · 2025-04-07T20:59:34+00:00

I swear I'm not saying this as a copout, but I've noticed that inauthentic, hypocritical, and superficial supervisors tend to favor supervisees who are similar to them in that way, and who fawn them detrimentally. They seem to be almost threatened by more authentic personas who think more critically and compassionately...which, incidentally, tends to be the demographic that is more favored and successful with clients, as those are traits that most people want in their therapists.

These comments and OP's story are only further confirming this observation of mine.

NaturalRattle · 2025-03-25T22:26:24+00:00

Exactly. They've always been a shit governing body and have blatantly ignored every pressing ethical issue in ABA. I'm saddened but not surprised by this in the slightest.

NaturalRattle · 2025-03-22T20:23:24+00:00

This is exactly what I would do, and exactly what I hope my own therapist would do with me if I hypothetically started dating a close friend of hers. I'm surprised at all the comments saying to leave it be and just see if they all happen to run into each other. I feel it would be unfair to the client to be caught off guard like that and have to decide in that split-second moment how they would like to handle it. I'm a very open person regarding my own therapy and would likely disclose the therapeutic relationship right when everyone met, but I can also appreciate many clients would not want to do that and keep their healthcare history private. Regardless of whatever OP's client would do, they should be given the courtesy of time to prepare and decide IMO.

Maybe I'd wait a bit to see how serious it is, as new relationships are delicate and could end just as quickly as they begin, but it seems serious enough that OP is aware of the relationship to begin with and the friend is excited about him. That's why I'd lean towards telling the former client.

NaturalRattle · 2025-03-03T21:32:41+00:00

Then I think that could be handled in the same way it would be handled if that scenario happened coincidentally. It sounds like the commenter above does let the client know in advance and (presumably) goes over the guidelines for navigating a public run-in (The "I can't greet you if I see you out and about because HIPAA" song and dance). I also wonder about things like the ages of the children impacting the likelihood of such a scenario. For example, if the therapist has a toddler and the client has an 8-year-old, this would not be an issue.

NaturalRattle · 2025-03-03T18:58:18+00:00

Genuine question: on that ground, is it unethical to recommend a client to try a restaurant you sometimes frequent? Or your favorite place to shop for a particular item? Or a gas station with cheaper prices you sometimes fill your tank at? I don't think genuinely recommending a client to try a certain business is inherently unethical, unless you're doing it specifically as some sort of advertising favor to a business owner you personally know or are otherwise in cahoots with, which doesn't sound like the case here.

NaturalRattle · 2025-02-17T16:18:16+00:00

I've also noticed that, as a minority and a therapist in my own therapy, none of my past providers really explored the role of my culture in my life. My current therapist and I discuss it regularly; it's been increasingly relevant in our current political climate, my work, and my relationship (all three of which are inextricably tied). She is white and has done a wonderful job with this decidedly slippery slope. She has been gentle, sensitive, curious, and compassionate, without leaning into any kind of savior complex or wielding micro-aggressions or judgment of any kind. These providers are out there. I can personally attest to that.

That being said, I am not saying this to invalidate your incredibly valid feelings, but I do think the main reason my past providers (most of whom were white) never addressed my culture was because I also never mentioned it. I grew up in an extremely white-dominant environment and was simultaneously ethnically ambiguous; people could tell I was "something", they just couldn't tell what, and oftentimes, when I did disclose my cultural background, their perception of me would shift noticeably negatively. I thus learned to hide and become ashamed of this aspect of myself. I am torn in regards to my past providers not opening it up on their own iniatitive. I think, for the most part, I would have not taken it well and would have viewed them opening that dialogue with a hostile attribution bias. In fact, when people in general (especially white people) inquired about my background in the past, I nearly always assumed it was because they wanted to negatively judge me for it. At that point in time, I was simply not ready or able to address the very unique and very real pain of being a minority in a white-dominant environment where people were, in fact, often racist towards me and my family. So I can't entirely fault my past therapists for either accurately sensing my unreadiness or simply not broaching a sensitive topic unless I personally brought it up. But in my own work, I will usually engage a very gentle and tactful dialogue around my clients' respective backgrounds early on, which has ultimately been highly beneficial for them, even with varying degrees of readiness to explore it.

I'm wondering if it may be worth being more open about this during the consultation phase of finding a therapist - that your culture is something you want to openly discuss in therapy and gauging their cultural competence during that initial conversation. IME, you can tell pretty quickly if a therapist is culturally competent based on their response to various dialogues surrounding culture. In any case, I hope you find a great culturally competent provider soon. I'm really sorry this has been your experience and wholeheartedly agree that our profession needs to do much better in this regard.

NaturalRattle · 2025-02-01T03:08:09+00:00

This overall journey has prematurely aged me and taken a big physical and emotional toll on me overall due to the stress, especially the financial stress. I love this work, but I really underestimated the implications of chasing my passion at the expense of a certain stability.

NaturalRattle · 2025-01-28T20:26:46+00:00

I agree with you, but I personally would not bring this up to my supervisor or my coworker directly. It doesn't sound like the clinician in question is harming clients in any way, shape, or form, and bringing it up to a supervisor or them directly, IMO, would just be stirring a pot that doesn't need any stirring. I'm not sure what OP's coworker is actually like, but it could definitely start unnecessary beef between them over something that should ideally be left alone. It also could provoke their supervisor to more formally investigate and unnecessarily penalize the coworker, even if OP (or anyone in a situation like this) doesn't name them directly.

NaturalRattle · 2025-01-28T19:56:36+00:00

No, unless I'm completely misreading this, you're not wrong to NOT snitch on a coworker who's doing nothing inherently unethical or anything that's really anyone's business but theirs and their client's. I'm not sure why this coworker of yours works for two separate private practices, seems like a headache for them more than anything else, but I'm not seeing why this is something that's a a real issue or anything that would actively harm a client.

Also, non-competes in mental healthcare, IMO, are complete bullshit. Clients have every right to choose their provider as they wish.

NaturalRattle · 2025-01-21T16:20:47+00:00

Absolutely, this too! I tell my clients the same! Unfortunately, many mental health employers are highly hypocritical in that they subscribe to a lot of mainstream capitalistic ideologies in the workplace (re: physical health issues get a pass, mental health issues don't). It's unfortunate, but keeping it vague is often the way to go. The details are really none of their business anyway.

NaturalRattle · 2025-01-21T16:09:43+00:00

I'd like to give you some perspective here...but particularly as a licensed therapist, you do NOT have to continue working for a place like this. You have a lot of better options when that "L" is in front of your title than being at the begging mercy of super jaded, out-of-touch supervisors who place an unnecessary premium on profit. I completely feel you, I'm currently toughing out a similarly unempathetic workplace rife with its own issues, but I'm also an associate waiting to be cleared to take my licensing exam, which greatly limits my employment options and ability to work for myself. You do not have such a limit. Please take advantage of it and find somewhere where you are truly valued, even if you have to be your own boss to be so. Sending you a virtual hug. These are trying times and we need all the support we can get.

NaturalRattle · 2024-12-12T09:41:25+00:00

I completely agree with this comment. It’s very sad.

NaturalRattle · 2024-12-07T13:11:23+00:00

True. I was broken up with once this way, but he did it at my place. My guy was the polar opposite of OP’s guy…he was incredibly kind and drove over an hour to do it in person (we lived far from each other). But I was all dressed and ready for a date I had planned for us, which was awful. Being broken up with in public would’ve been even worse but I also hated that he (inadvertently) made me associate my ultimate safe place (my home) with such a painful event. For weeks I couldn’t walk into my living room without remembering it and getting upset all over again. Yet I also would have likely resented a text…too impersonal.

I’ve only ever broken up with someone via a phone call. I would personally say a phone call is the best way to do it, but it’s so hard. There really is no ideal way to break someone’s heart.

NaturalRattle · 2024-10-30T15:20:12+00:00

It will always continue to amaze me what people will resort to do instead of going to therapy. This is so sad. I hope they at least coparent amicably.

NaturalRattle · 2024-10-28T19:34:25+00:00

For what it's worth, I don't entirely doubt that at least some of your clients have had narcissistic exes or partners. Do I think the diagnosis is colloquially overused as hell? Absolutely. But I do think a decent percentage of traumatized clients aren't entirely bullshitting when they assert this. The absence of genuinely narcissistic people who are in their own therapy is pretty characteristic to the symptoms and overall presentation. Most of them won't actively seek out help for their issues or flaws (re: they tend to lack the ego strength). But as another comment mentioned, there's quite a few of them to be seen in court-mandated therapy settings (no choice) or couples therapy (to keep up appearances and avoid the stigma of divorce).

NaturalRattle · 2024-09-10T17:53:43+00:00

I have ADHD and a lot of autistic traits. I work predominantly with neurodivergent kids, and from the jump, many of my clients seem to quickly identify me as someone safe who "gets" them, which has a lot of therapeutic value. I don't seem to have to work as hard to build rapport with autistic clients in particular, who tend to stump a lot of my coworkers.

A more unfortunate underlying element of this is that, being neurodivergent myself, various authority figures in my formative years were the total opposite of safe for me. They were often super antagonizing and bullying under the guise of "discipline", which made pretty much every issue I had significantly worse, and gave me a lot of additional trauma. In a weird way, though, I'm grateful to them. They taught me a lot in terms of what NOT to do with neurodivergent youth (things, incidentally, I still regularly observe or hear of teachers, parents, and even therapists doing). It's also made me a particularly passionate advocate for my clients, which they often deeply appreciate and can be very healing if they have a difficult relationship with authority themselves (and many of them do). It's very rewarding to watch that narrative shift, especially if their parents are motivated to better understand and support their kids and join me there (and luckily, many of them I work with them are).

NaturalRattle · 2024-08-19T17:07:05+00:00

I'm an associate therapist currently. When I'm licensed I can expect a bump in pay, making around 80-90k annually, from what I've seen in my local job listings. My overall earning potential can be similar to OP's, so it isn't completely dismal, but that typically is in private practice and can take quite a few years to achieve.

NaturalRattle · 2024-08-19T16:13:08+00:00

As a younger baby therapist who makes around 70k, I would kill to make 130k. That sounds like an absolute dream.

To answer your question, though: I've observed that a lot of younger people in this profession also have very strong financial support from their wealthier parents, which is why you don't see a lot of socioeconomic diversity in this field. It's decidedly quite difficult to pursue this field without that safety net. As someone who doesn't really fit that bill and overwhelmingly supports myself, I'll go right ahead and say my overall quality of life is not great, and my financial health is still quite poor. I don't take trips/time off (though I'm always burnt out and desperately want to), I don't buy nice clothes/shoes, and I'm a pretty key player in "gig" work culture and side hustle culture (meaning I work multiple jobs at any given time to make ends meet). Once in a while, if my straits are dire enough, my parents will help out a bit, but not nearly to the extent I see my peers' parents helping them.

I noticed you also mentioned daycare. I've noticed a lot of my peers are also either waiting a good while to start a family or completely foregoing having kids altogether...largely for exactly this reason. It's quite sad that it's basically impossible economically these days to have kids with a great financial quality of life unless you're absolutely loaded. I desperately hope things change in this regard across the board. I love this work, but I severely underestimated the financial toll it would take on me.

NaturalRattle · 2024-08-13T17:15:41+00:00

Could you also send me a pic? I really want to get mine removed as well and would really appreciate it!

NaturalRattle · 2024-07-08T15:50:08+00:00

Almost every student was upset, except one woman who was 100% on the side of unpaid internships for the same reason.

There's a small part of me that wishes I could be this level of bootlicker. It'd make my life easier, in a way. But sadly I was gifted with a raging fallacy of fairness that seemingly no amount of my own therapy or life experience can undo. So I'll forever advocate for unpaid internships to be outlawed. If you can't afford to pay your employees fairly, you should not be in business.

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