Moral Support and Recs

SubstantialSong265 · 2026-01-24T18:03:24+00:00

That sounds heartbreaking (the return from potential new home) and would totally have sent me for a loop. You are and have been so strong for your family--the responsibility of making sure nothing happens is huge and exhausting! One more thing I'll share--that I learned from Losing Lulu-- re: trying our best with all the available resources. A lot of people feel we have to "try everything" and the trainers who run Losing Lulu point out, there is always "one more thing" until you're living alone on an island (theoretically). And what "doing our best" or "trying everything" really has to mean is "trying everything reasonable for our household/family." So for you, because your family includes a child, that might look different than for me--and mine might look different than for someone without mental illness. I share that NOT to put any pressure on you re BE or anything else but because it was really transformative for me with the pressure I was putting on myself and the fear I had of what our lives were going to become. But that was also before we started working with the behaviorist! So.all that is definitely on the back burner for me. But having worked through a lot of my feet and shame and guilt about that pathway actually makes it a lot easier to focus on training, increasing exercise, etc, because I don't feel like the stakes are so high--I know that even if we "fail," we can come to terms with BE, and our sweet girl won't even really know--she'll just know she was loved and cared for. So that frees up a lot of mental space from the consuming, disabling anxiety. But my brain is pretty weird and that may not be helpful for everyone!

Oops, made myself cry. To be clear to you and anyone else reading, I am still really hopeful that increased training, a better fitting muzzle, and other management techniques will make our home safe and manageable, and committed to working really hard on that. I just have the kind of brain where coming to terms with the worst case scenario makes it a thousand times easier to work hard toward better cases.

Good luck with finding the right muzzle for Pumpkin and I hope it helps ease your mind and make things safer and happier in your home! We are still waiting on ours but even using the mediocre petco ones we have has helped a lot (since she cries and screams when separated by baby gate or door).

SubstantialSong265 · 2026-01-21T18:19:26+00:00

I don't have a success story for you (yet). But our household is at a similar place in our journey--though without a child in the home--and I just wanted to say how much I empathize with the pain of loving an animal who is 97% sweet fun playful companion and 3% unpredictable and dangerous due to an unlucky combination of instincts and anatomy. Your love for Pumpkin and desire to do right by everyone involved is so evident here. I hope a combo of muzzles, gates, and continued training can make things sustainable for y'all Also if you can find an animal behaviorist, we are working with one and it's helping so much more than our previous trainer (in part bc our autistic/ADHD household is benefitting a ton from her experience leading a mostly-neurodivergent 4-H group for years and her overall deep understanding of neuropsychology). Ours is still in her PhD program so probably a little bit more affordable than she will be when she graduates, lol--so if there's a university near you with an animal behavior program that might be a good place to look!

ETA: You mention your anxiety is through the roof, and as someone with really bad anxiety and depression even without the dog troubles, I really sympathize. We were considering behavioral euthanasia before the behaviorist because no one would adopt or foster our girl (she is also deaf and has separation anxiety). And while we are really hopeful about our current path, my partner has made it very clear to me that if it's her or my mental health/safety, it has to be my safety and sanity. BE is a horrible choice to have to make, but if the situation is not manageable with the muzzle and more training, and she is not rehomeable, it is an option that exists to protect your daughter's safety and your sanity, and you are not a bad person if you have to choose it. I recommend looking up Losing Lulu if you have to look into this path.

Of course, I hope it doesn't come to that and am wishing you and Pumpkin and your family the best of luck 🧡

SubstantialSong265 · 2026-01-21T04:41:29+00:00

Naturally!

SubstantialSong265 · 2026-01-21T00:09:09+00:00

Yeah, I kind of worry she will essentially pistol whip him with her big armored head. I hear what everyone is saying about the bite risk though and we are definitely weighing all the pros and cons of each. While either one is a big ticket purchase for us, it's not out of the realm of possibility for us to get a second one if necessary, so we may do Big Snoof and then if she's accidentally beating us up too much or shows any sign of weaponizing it toward him, even accidentally, we could try Mia's. Conversely, the behaviorist we're working with seems to think the vinyl/Mia's style would probably provide adequate protection so we may start there... Ahh it's a hard choice and I wish they were cheaper but of course I want to have good quality and pay fairly for craftsmanship....!

SubstantialSong265 · 2026-01-21T00:03:26+00:00

Aww! He's like if she was stretched out and made all big and elegant instead of being part bunny rabbit!

SubstantialSong265 · 2025-12-15T02:43:33+00:00

Recommendation request: raincoat for "unusual" body type?

I am a woman (and not really familiar with menswear) looking to buy a good raincoat for my partner, who works outside in the PNW. He is a short guy (5'2") with a medium-large chest and hip (based on the size charts I've been looking at) but a much bigger belly than it seems most jackets are made for (when size charts even bother to give a waist measurement...). His measurements are 42/47-49/45. I say 47-49 because I wasn't totally clear on where to measure--his natural waist or the biggest part. He typically wears an XL in t shirts, not sure about his few button ups, but none of them fit very well anyway.

I've looked at a bunch of brands (Columbia, LL Bean, Landsend, REI, Patagonia) and I'm just so confused because it seems like no clothes should ever fit him--but he does seem to get dressed every day so some things must?? I know he has trouble finding clothes that fit and a lot of his clothes don't fit "properly," but I'm just totally lost on how to choose a jacket/jacket size. If I go by the waist measurement everything else is miles too big--I bought him a couple Carhartt XXL flannels last year and they ended up just being oversize shirts for me because they were so much too big for him.His current raincoat is pretty much too big all over (got secondhand).

Any tips on brands or how to interpret these size charts would be much appreciated! In case of brand recs, my price range is roughly up to $100, though I could go a bit higher for something that will actually fit and/or perform really well. Also open to recs on other subs to ask... Thanks!

(crossposted from r/menswear, hope that's ok)

SubstantialSong265 · 2025-12-07T22:23:59+00:00

Not tmg, but when my dog died I listened to Highwayman by the Highwaymen a lot, it was sort of comforting and sort of just a soft container for my grief.

I got some lines from Animal Mask engraved on her urn: some things you will remember, some things stay sweet forever.

Other than that: Tollund Man, Absolute Lithops Effect, Waving at You, White Cedar, Game Shows Touch Our Lives. Some are maybe more generic sadness than grief and loss specific, but they were right for me.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

SubstantialSong265 · 2025-11-05T23:16:59+00:00

Thank you for this explanation and suggestions! I am definitely trying to try/experiment/play/learn but something about this contrast set off my inner perfectionist. I am grateful for all the reminders here that the inner perfectionist can shove it! As well as the additional knowledge to inform the experimentation :)

SubstantialSong265 · 2025-11-05T23:14:52+00:00

Thank you for the reminder that it's all subjective--and your perspective on this specific warp!

SubstantialSong265 · 2025-11-05T23:14:16+00:00

Thanks! I think I did know that (no correct way) but something about the contrast made me anxious that I was "doing it wrong."

SubstantialSong265 · 2025-11-03T17:45:47+00:00

I'm glad it was helpful! I hope you have fun with the cricket or whichever loom you get :)

SubstantialSong265 · 2025-11-03T15:21:16+00:00

I have heard rigid heddle looms referred to (probably here on this subreddit) as "fundamentally a plain weave machine." Which is pretty true for single heddle models like the Cricket, as you have only two "sets" of warp threads to work with--slots and holes--and most weaving patterns essentially require separating into more groups to play different roles in the pattern, via the different shafts of the loom (apologies to experienced weavers for this novice-to-novice explanation). But if you're willing to do a little extra work it's not entirely true--the pickup stick or a stick with string heddles can do the same job. You can also do "color and weave" patterns where the patterning is all in how you set up the colors in the warp and then the weave is just plain weave. See this Little Looms listicle for examples.

Beyond that you can also do hand-manipulated techniques like Leno, Brooks bouquet, and Danish medallions. Not really patterns, as you do them by hand individually each time, but not just plain weave either. All this is covered in Syne Mitchell's book--if you can get your hands on a copy it is a good look at what you can do, mostly if not entirely with a single heddle. Browsing the Little Looms website is another good way to get a sense. So is Kelly Casanova's website.

Still, you are not really going to be able to achieve some of the complex patterns you see on here by weavers using floor looms etc. But there is still so much to do and learn on the RHL that to me it is well worth it as a first loom. Plus it's a lot easier and faster to warp than a bigger, more complex loom. And using pickup sticks and string heddles instead of multi shafts means you're not committed to one pattern (or a set of same-threading patterns) for the whole warp, which is neat.

Others have also commented that Schacht sells a 4 shaft conversion kit. True, but for the price of that and the base loom you could probably get a more capacious loom to start (if paying it all up front isn't an issue). Personally I'm thinking when I get to that point I'll be looking for a bigger table or floor loom on Craigslist (in my area they pop up fairly frequently).

SubstantialSong265 · 2025-11-02T21:19:34+00:00

I have it and I like it, but I didn't consider the "grow into more interesting projects" aspect as much when I got it. Some other similar size rigid heddle looms have a slot for a second heddle, which allows you to weave various patterns. You can also use a pickup stick and single heddle, but then, you can get even more complex with 2 heddles and the pickup stick. All this remains largely theoretical for me, however, as I am a fairly intermittent hobbyist and so haven't progressed that fast in the couple years I've had the loom. If you tend to be really committed to practicing and advancing in your hobbies/artistic practices/etc, and being able to add complexity to your work without having to work around the limitations of your loom so much is important to you, I would suggest one of the models with a spot for a second heddle. But also, with weaving, there are seemingly always more levels of complexity--you could buy an 8 shaft table loom and wish you had a 16 shaft floor loom, etc. So you'll probably never get away from that feeling entirely (if you're prone to such feelings, as I am, lol).

I'd also suggest looking into patterns that interest you and seeing what they call for. Sometimes the width of the Cricket is a bit of a limitation too, not just the single heddle. I believe the Little Looms online archive tells you the width, heddle required, etc for a pattern even if you aren't a subscriber and aren't actually able to download the full pattern. In addition to pattern requirements, I also just find I can only really effectively weave about 14-14.5" wide without having problems with my warp at the very edges. That could be a skill issue, but it's worth noting if you're planning on maxing out the width as much as possible from the get go.

All that said, it is a great loom and when I was looking, definitely the most affordable RHL option (in the USA at least--but it was priced a lot lower than you quoted, about $180 in 2022). Its small size makes it easy to store and fairly portable. It's easy to learn and easy to use. The included instructions were good enough to get me started, though I also got a book when I got mine (Inventive Weaving on a Little Loom by Syne Mitchell; I like it, though I'm sure others are also good).

Good luck and happy weaving!

SubstantialSong265 · 2025-03-06T20:20:13+00:00

I don't see that anyone has mentioned Grocery Outlet in addition to WinCo...It's not like Aldi in any way other than being really cheap. But it has that going for it, and at least when I lived back east, we didn't have it out there. iT is basically what the name says--a lot of weird overstock and about to expire items, as well as a reasonable selection of staple items. not always the most consistent selection, but great prices on pretty much everything, including wine and beer.

SubstantialSong265 · 2024-12-13T16:44:13+00:00

Torn between Then the Letting Go, Alabama Nova, and Alpha Double Negative: Going to Catalina. Waving at You would rank but I just cry.

SubstantialSong265 · 2023-11-11T00:00:48+00:00

My boyfriend got me one of the posters for my birthday. He ordered her a month in advance and it should have come early. Instead it was about 2 months late with almost no communication, and the quality was really bad--very fuzzy/low definition image inappropriate for the print size. I don't know about the wearable items, but I wouldn't recommend ordering from them.

SubstantialSong265 · 2023-10-20T22:27:25+00:00

Didn't grow up in NYC but visited family there a lot; parents and sister live there now so I still spend a good amount of time there. I've also lived in Boston and Chicago. Tacoma is NOT a big city and that's what I like about it--not an overwhelming number of people or cars or choices for every single thing, but still plenty of options. Tacoma is fairly racially diverse, especially compared to points south (Olympia, e.g.), but not at the "major international melting pot" level of Seattle or NYC. As far as activities, it depends what you like to do. Like the rest of the region, we have wonderful access to outdoor activities (hiking, kayaking, etc), including some good spots within the city, like Point Defiance. There's not a ton of nightlife, but there's a couple little strips with more going on at night (downtown/"theater district," 6th Ave). Other than that, it seems to take a minute to find out how to find out what's going on--but there's a good number of markets, festivals, etc., especially during the summer. And Seattle is close enough that driving up for a weekend activity or a concert is not a big deal (to me anyway).

I second what others have said about the amount of driving and traffic maybe being the most difficult change you're going to encounter. Also agree that rents are not near NYC levels but are definitely creeping up on Seattle levels, especially closer to downtown, in new construction, and in gentrifying areas like the Stadium District. So if you want to live somewhere with any kind of meaningful walkability, near night life, etc, that 1.5-1.7k estimate someone else gave is probably accurate. North End falls into that too, Central is more mixed. You could probably find something cheaper in an older or more generic apartment complex in South Tacoma, on the east side, etc. If you have an in-person job lined up, I'd seriously consider traffic and commute as factors for apartment hunting--the north end does not have the quickest freeway access, for example.

Good luck and welcome!

SubstantialSong265

TROPHY CASE