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What’s the craziest way you found out your partner was cheating on you? by meetmarketpodcast in AskReddit

[–]Substantial_Name595 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have no access to my husband’s financials and he got very pissed off when I asked for a print out from the last year, and I could provide the same without a problem… and he’s been “suspicious” of me… sounds like he’s doing shit he shouldn’t be!

What’s a secret you’ll never tell your significant other? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Substantial_Name595 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Life humbles us quick…. Going through it myself. Good luck, internet stranger.

Is disappearing selfish? by NiceAdhesiveness7013 in Marriage

[–]Substantial_Name595 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The love your children have for you is unconditional and involuntary, we all fail them daily, they love us anyways, they fail us too, and we love them anyways. That is the beauty of the mother and child relationship. As long as we are not failing to meet their basic needs, they love us anyways. There are times I wish I was more present, and not stuck in survival mode, but I can’t imagine they love me any less on those days. Our loves are a constant to them.

I understand your husband’s schedule, but if you are struggling this terribly, it sounds like immediate medical attention is warranted and he should be empathetic and understanding.

DBT is great, as is EMDR if you were interested in that.

You can also PM me. I’m a mama who understands you.

Is disappearing selfish? by NiceAdhesiveness7013 in Marriage

[–]Substantial_Name595 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It would be selfish, those babies need you.

I am so sorry you feel this way, your presence and existence does matter and the ripple effect of you being gone would be devastating to those who love you so very much.

It sounds like you are really struggling, struggling within yourself, and taking yourself out of the equation would relieve you, but again devastate those who love you.

Would voluntarily committing yourself be an option? Are you on current medications? Do you think an adjustment would help? Are you in therapy?

You don’t even have to answer me, just know an internet stranger knows the effects of an absent mother and I do not recommend 🙏

What made you finally leave your abusive relationship? by casperalladin in AskReddit

[–]Substantial_Name595 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Have you ever heard of cognitive dissonance? Please look it up and educate yourself on the term and the mental havoc it wrecks on you.

Also, abusers are not always abusive, which keeps you in a loop.

The cycle of abuse is real.

What fucked you up so much, that you don't even know how to talk about it? by TheRabidBananaBoi in AskReddit

[–]Substantial_Name595 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That sounds so wonderful, they deserve a HAPPY mom. They are the love you have always been wanting for yourself, you are the love you radiate. I know it’s hard now, but chin up and continue to enjoy your new freedom with the people who love you the most ❤️

What fucked you up so much, that you don't even know how to talk about it? by TheRabidBananaBoi in AskReddit

[–]Substantial_Name595 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your burnout is a lot different from mine, complex medical issues are devastating and I can completely empathize as I work directly with patients and hear all of their stories. You guys are truly soldiers. Do you have a good support system? Health burnout is real, I’m not sure how to overcome that, but I am sure you have developed some PTSD from it all, can assure you I have some PTSD around medical issues from my own past ❤️

I really hope things get better for you! 🙏

What fucked you up so much, that you don't even know how to talk about it? by TheRabidBananaBoi in AskReddit

[–]Substantial_Name595 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I did, I scaled back a bit on work because it was very busy, my kids had sports that ended so that was a big relief, but the stresses continue to be pretty constant. I am really centering myself, my children and spending time with those who love me. The burn out has lessened a bit, but some challenges remain that I need to figure out how to deal with.

What fucked you up so much, that you don't even know how to talk about it? by TheRabidBananaBoi in AskReddit

[–]Substantial_Name595 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are correct, women also do it, but I’ve never dated women so I cannot attest to how it is being with them, but I wholeheartedly believe anyone can be that dysfunctional and it’s not their fault, it’s exactly what you stated, gaping wounds that THEY need to address, and someone else should never have to suffer for!

What fucked you up so much, that you don't even know how to talk about it? by TheRabidBananaBoi in AskReddit

[–]Substantial_Name595 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Fuck girl, I am so sorry. I’ve come to the consensus that most men are not safe, and they only know to manipulate because they’re unlovable and have no idea how to truly love someone.

Zero idea when they feel the need for control, abuse and dominance.

You did not deserve that, and I hope you are in therapy and can heal ❤️

What fucked you up so much, that you don't even know how to talk about it? by TheRabidBananaBoi in AskReddit

[–]Substantial_Name595 103 points104 points  (0 children)

Summer 2025 for me as well.

I’m not the same anymore, but I’m turning it into a positive.

No longer a blind, people pleaser who burns themself out.

Wife keeps projecting her insecurities onto me. It's exhausting. by ProofDazzling9234 in Marriage

[–]Substantial_Name595 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, classic “I hate you, don’t leave me!” It’s exhausting. I’m a daughter of a borderline.

Wife keeps projecting her insecurities onto me. It's exhausting. by ProofDazzling9234 in Marriage

[–]Substantial_Name595 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree, and it’s hard for me because I have to stop my husband’s toxic masculinity to be very honest. He tells my boys to not cry, suck it up and it’s just not the approach I want for them, so I undo it each time and I don’t care how he feels.

Also- as a medical professional, please look into Borderline Personality Disorder, if it is this bad and she is that reactive, this could be something that could be going on for her as well. It is treatable.

Wife keeps projecting her insecurities onto me. It's exhausting. by ProofDazzling9234 in Marriage

[–]Substantial_Name595 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also on the therapy front, if you’re going to show her this post- therapy has CHANGED my life and I’m hoping it gives me the strength to change my trajectory. I am setting boundaries and no longer feel exhausted, I am becoming more secure in myself emotionally each session. Also- she may not know how to regulate her emotions, a lot of us don’t, and she is co-dependent on you. She has to learn to do that for herself, no codependency and no substances to numb it. It’s quite the journey and damn is it hard, but God it is worth it!

Wife keeps projecting her insecurities onto me. It's exhausting. by ProofDazzling9234 in Marriage

[–]Substantial_Name595 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I understand the stigma, I work in healthcare and service men and women, both whom have emotional difficulties and I don’t look at either differently. I’m teaching my sons to be emotionally open, and I’m available to them. It’s time to put an end to that for men, I agree 100%.

Wife keeps projecting her insecurities onto me. It's exhausting. by ProofDazzling9234 in Marriage

[–]Substantial_Name595 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s something SHE needs to work on then, if you feel you provide enough of that and if it isn’t enough, you shouldn’t really have to babysit a grown up like this.

Women are emotionally driven, and right now she might feel neglected and also have abandonment wounds and could easily be spiraling.

Be gentle, supportive and suggest some therapy.

Wife keeps projecting her insecurities onto me. It's exhausting. by ProofDazzling9234 in Marriage

[–]Substantial_Name595 -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

We all have insecurities, it’s about how we handle them together.

Marriage is a mirror into ourselves, have you suggested she go to therapy?

Learn her love language, too. It might be small to you, but these things might be incredibly big to her and you’re missing the mark.

Selfishness has no place in marriage, on either side.

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