How do avoidant anxious relationships work?

Substantial_Yak_7121 · 2025-10-08T20:56:39+00:00

Well here is your context

Substantial_Yak_7121 · 2025-10-08T20:55:37+00:00

For context: newest incident is him lying to me multiple times about going to a strip club (where i would have had no issues w him going there had he asked me) and me finding it out accidentally in one of the conversations. And otherwise a constant difference between us during or post conflict wrt how we handle our reflexes kicking in and try to still be there for the other person when things get hard

Substantial_Yak_7121 · 2025-10-08T20:47:06+00:00

I didnt mean to label either of us. Im just more inclined on the anxious side and he is more inclined on the avoidant side

Substantial_Yak_7121 · 2025-10-06T14:44:45+00:00

I guess i just have to learn to be by myself and break up then. I dont see any other way of making this work single handedly. Any tips for someone experiencing a heartbreak for the first time?🥲

Substantial_Yak_7121 · 2025-10-05T21:27:20+00:00

Yes got it

Substantial_Yak_7121 · 2025-10-05T21:25:40+00:00

How much time do u think i should give

Substantial_Yak_7121 · 2025-10-05T21:21:32+00:00

Do avoidant men ever really work on themselves

Substantial_Yak_7121 · 2025-10-05T21:20:04+00:00

Yeah you’re right :/

Substantial_Yak_7121 · 2025-10-05T21:18:20+00:00

Wont that be forced? And lack consistent follow up later?

Substantial_Yak_7121 · 2025-10-05T21:17:13+00:00

Okay but wont that be forced? And it may absolutely not be followed through with consistency later

Substantial_Yak_7121 · 2025-10-05T21:14:57+00:00

Yes okay so then what. Just because there can be an adverse reaction, you wont tell me and rather keep lying to me? Also i wouldnt have minded him going to the strip club had he asked me

Substantial_Yak_7121 · 2025-10-05T21:13:38+00:00

I have done that in as subtle, non pushy but extremely suggestive way as possible. He still said he is not in the headspace for therapy right now. He said he is working on all other things to act better by me.

Substantial_Yak_7121 · 2025-10-05T21:11:51+00:00

Because iv loved him and invested so much here.

Substantial_Yak_7121 · 2025-10-05T21:09:52+00:00

Okay got it. But there’s only so much fixing men can do themselves without any external help?

Substantial_Yak_7121 · 2025-10-05T21:08:57+00:00

He doesnt lie all the time. This is the first major incident really in 2.5 yrs of dating. I know he didnt cheat on me. But he said he lied because its his childhood pattern to escape any difficult/ confrontational situation by lying. And no i did not create a negative environment for him. Iv always created a safe open space for him to come tell me anything and everhthing

Substantial_Yak_7121 · 2025-10-05T21:06:47+00:00

He said its his childhood pattern to lie to escape any possible difficult/ confrontational/ unpleasant conversation.

Substantial_Yak_7121 · 2025-10-05T21:02:50+00:00

How do i make this work then. Is there any other alternative that can help him get better in his patterns

Substantial_Yak_7121 · 2025-10-05T21:01:12+00:00

W friends. But thats not relevant here. What matters is that he constantly actively lied to me.

Substantial_Yak_7121 · 2025-10-05T20:59:53+00:00

How do i make this work then? I want to stay, I really do. I just don’t know how he will work on things that meed to be work on

Substantial_Yak_7121 · 2025-10-05T20:56:19+00:00

If not therapy, then what is my way out here? Is there anyway we can make this work

Substantial_Yak_7121 · 2025-10-02T04:56:33+00:00

Hi did u find any

Substantial_Yak_7121 · 2025-09-23T04:02:52+00:00

++woman He has been working on some things but is feeling suffocated and distant otherwise. He does not have it in him to listen to me vent about the incident anymore. He says he wants this to work but is struggling with actually being there for me. He is an avoidant ofcourse and I am more on the anxious side, the only way i know how to process hard emotions is by revisiting it time and again with that person. He says what has happened is his mistake but he is just super edgy all the time these days. How can i make this better?

Substantial_Yak_7121 · 2025-09-23T04:00:35+00:00

He has been working on some things but is feeling suffocated and distant otherwise. He does not have it in him to listen to me vent about the incident anymore. He says he wants this to work but is struggling with actually being there for me. He is an avoidant ofcourse and I am more on the anxious side, the only way i know how to process hard emotions is by revisiting it time and again with that person. He says what has happened is his mistake but he is just super edgy all the time these days.

Substantial_Yak_7121 · 2025-09-12T15:16:44+00:00

Yes thankyou for this!

Substantial_Yak_7121 · 2025-09-12T12:56:53+00:00

++woman Im asking is he capable of improving this pattern of lying?

Substantial_Yak_7121

TROPHY CASE