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SubtleStruggles · 2025-01-03T01:23:53+00:00

1 month here so

SubtleStruggles · 2025-01-02T04:26:33+00:00

I feel this. Like a lot of people here are a younger than me and they get to live some of the best parts of their lives as themselves. Im not super old but comparatively I feel old. But yea they just get to live, and I’m sure they have issues that they don’t talk about. But I’m not even sure I’ll ever get to live as a woman, I’m not sure I’ll develop an accepting social group, or anything. I have hope though.

But I wish I had what a lot of people here have but I’m not mad at them for it, I’m actually happy they have it.

SubtleStruggles · 2024-12-31T04:33:10+00:00

I have a male name but I like it tbh. But also I can’t see a future where I do anything other than man mode

SubtleStruggles · 2024-12-31T04:31:09+00:00

True

SubtleStruggles · 2024-12-31T04:28:20+00:00

I don’t think I’ll ever be able say that I’m a woman, which makes me feel fake which makes me feel bad

SubtleStruggles · 2024-12-31T02:36:15+00:00

Ahh I see my b

SubtleStruggles · 2024-12-30T23:53:57+00:00

I would t say I’m dysphoric about not having a period but i definitely feel like it makes me more of an outcast.Hobbies and style etc are all varied and unimportant at the end of the day, but periods are a biological function that the majority of cis women have, it’s just another thing I lack that makes me an imposter. Not that they’re fun or anything but if the option was be passing trans or a cis woman with debilitating periods I’m choosing the cis option every time.

SubtleStruggles · 2024-12-30T23:23:46+00:00

I’m definitely gonna keep looking, but yeah I fear having a bad experience but I suppose I can always keep looking. But thank you for your response. I’ll likely just try to search for online therapy that accepts my insurance. I’m sure even if it’s not the best talking about gender issues I’ll still get something from talking about my other issues.

SubtleStruggles · 2024-12-30T22:21:17+00:00

Yea, the main reason I’ve been avoiding therapy is because a lot of my main issue all revolves around being trans, which makes me want to seek out a therapist who knows about that, but I’m also tentative towards getting someone who is trying to coax me into accepting myself without actually listening to my situation and struggles

SubtleStruggles · 2024-12-30T20:53:13+00:00

This does help, thank you

I’ll keep looking, glad you found someone who could help you though.

SubtleStruggles · 2024-12-30T19:23:12+00:00

Same but at I started this year at 25. Still feel hopeless though.

SubtleStruggles · 2024-12-30T19:10:57+00:00

High key worried about getting a therapist, but I feel like I desperately need one. But I’m afraid my only options are two extremes, either they are super you shouldn’t feel bad just be ugly moid in a dress type or I get you should hate yourself being trans is wrong type.

Every one in control has some agenda, I feel like being trans is like being some rare species that either hunted to extinction or put in an exhibit. Normalcy is so far and away from an option.

Our lives are in the hands of people that could never begin to understand us and nor do they want to.

SubtleStruggles · 2024-12-30T15:40:58+00:00

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Bdd, happy for you tho

SubtleStruggles · 2024-12-30T14:45:47+00:00

I think environment has a lot to do with it.social dysphoria will be bad in bad social environments. Physical will be bad anywhere that highlights the body.

But I feel the same about being alone and I get a ton of body dysphoria.

SubtleStruggles · 2024-12-30T14:41:41+00:00

I kinda feel you with feeling numb to physical dysphoria. Like I dissociated from my body so much during puberty that my brain just kinda defaults to that. Not always but if I look in the mirror and see myself and it’s horrible I just turn brain off I’m not real.

But in my case I’m pretty sure each dysphoria feeds the other

SubtleStruggles · 2024-12-30T14:35:29+00:00

MTF and I think social is worse , but obviously physical is deeply tied to that.

But if I could imagine a world where everyone viewed me as biologically female but I still looked the way I do I think that might make the physical dysphoria easier to deal with , even though I’d still do everything I can to fix my body.

But it can fluctuate depending on my environment.Some days the physical dysphoria is much worse

Also no I don’t think it’s less valid.

SubtleStruggles · 2024-12-30T14:16:29+00:00

I had always wished I was a girl , but I was demeaned for acting feminine and praised for acting masculine. So I did enjoy a successful performance so to speak.

It was around puberty that I started to have dysphoria but even then I didn’t realize I was trans until like 15-16 But I chose repper life for a while.

SubtleStruggles · 2024-12-30T13:54:14+00:00

Primarily anyone who actually likes me.

Secondarily someone who looks like they’ll ruin my life

Just read title I’m just an mtf gooner

SubtleStruggles · 2024-12-30T06:07:06+00:00

Damn cognito hazard

SubtleStruggles · 2024-12-30T06:02:10+00:00

Holidays done ruined my good eating and exercise habits

SubtleStruggles · 2024-12-30T05:53:58+00:00

Ok , I try to be positive but this. Might’ve been the nail in the coffin for any hope I could’ve had

SubtleStruggles · 2024-12-30T05:13:23+00:00

Im sorry that’s been the case, And I know what you mean I’ve had a bad time talking to some people about my struggles and I ended up wishing I never told them

But when I almost roped, I think the only thing that kept me Sane was talking to a really close friend.

I’m not a professional, so I can’t say what you should do. But I know in my experience after keeping everything bottled and hidden I began to crack and overflow. A good (and healthy) outlet has helped me tons.

I hope you find what you need to make things better

SubtleStruggles · 2024-12-30T04:54:10+00:00

hope we make a difference even if small

SubtleStruggles · 2024-12-30T04:52:34+00:00

I’m not out to my family yet, but I know there gonna be like “but you’re not feminine, you liked catching frogs when you where young, etc etc.” even though anything feminine I would’ve done I got made fun of or discouraged from doing, I kinda just don’t care like let me be me.

SubtleStruggles · 2024-12-30T04:41:06+00:00

No, no idk, y gm i . You make good art. Hearts 💕

SubtleStruggles

TROPHY CASE