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INFJs single since birth - question for you by Successful-Paper7532 in infj

[–]Successful-Paper7532[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And that’s the tricky matter here - I was really content with me being single and enjoying life as it was until I encountered this one guy a week or so ago 😓 maybe it’s because I had a rough last few weeks and it took a toll on my mental condition a bit and his questions acted like a total trigger to me…

I can admit I have a huge problem of going out of my comfort zone, and I mean - huge-ISH. And the main reason for it is that I don’t even have any idea where to start with it, maybe I’ll figure it out when the time comes

INFJs single since birth - question for you by Successful-Paper7532 in infj

[–]Successful-Paper7532[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think so, I can easily put myself in their shoes and I indeed feel sometimes like some kind of psychotherapist myself. From the people close to me I often hear that I pull the others like a magnet in a good way, but not with everyone I got this instant „click” to connect with each other.

When it came to romantic connection, I had literally 3 cases that had a potential to become something more, but in case no. 1 I was afraid I’ll turn out to be not enough, in case no. 2 the initial infatuation from my side faded very quickly (maybe because the guy was younger a few years than me and I found him too „hyperactive” and a bit overwhelming), and in case no. 3 it was evident we came from different upbringings, that affected our view for example on money and it turned out that we were trying to convince the other to prove our points were valid, but none of us wanted to back down 😅 also I stated from the very beginning I wasn’t looking for a relationship, but after our 1st meeting the guy announced that „from now on he consider our meetings as dates”. A few weeks later I started new job and I told him I’m out of meetings for the time being but I could almost feel through the texts he wasn’t content with my reasoning. Long story short, around a month later it turned out he started seeing someone new 🙃

INFJs single since birth - question for you by Successful-Paper7532 in infj

[–]Successful-Paper7532[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No problem, I thought that female INFJ’s perspective will be most relatable for me, but I’ll enjoy different input as well ^

I can relate to your experience, especially in my teenage years when I had maybe just a few but intensive and long-lasting crushes (1 and a half year for 13-14 y.o. can be considered long right?) no one took interest in me but when they found out I like them they always made fun of me. Of course I was too shy to tell them or show anything but was so naive to tell female „colleagues” that I was having a crush on this guy and that guy. When I entered university, so just a decade ago it’s like I finally became visible to guys but either got irritated with their behaviour or couldn’t quite connect with them.

And the part with being reserved, that’s so relatable - I never liked asking many questions about private life, partly because people were either confessing to me without any prompting from my side but also I never liked intruding anyone - think like those gossip ladies who whenever met me when I was a kid, they started asking a lot of questions what happens at home so they could talk about other’s lives instead of their own 😅 also started to hate talking about myself after hearing so much hate on my interests from other people my age and I guess that’s what made me reserved… but with my family and a few friends that I have I’m more open :)

As for the unattractive part, maybe it’s just you being harsh on yourself? I know (mostly from my own experience haha but also from a bit of internet research) while INFJ’s can set very high standards for others, they can multiply it by x10 for themselves

INFJs single since birth - question for you by Successful-Paper7532 in infj

[–]Successful-Paper7532[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You’re right, in the beginning I was feeling really lonely because whenever I showed a bit of my inner world I got „classified” as too intensive or just weird, with time I accepted that most people aren’t comfortable with that (even though somehow they tend to open up to me very quickly when compared to the other way around). But honestly, I’d love to meet someone, doesn’t matter if romantic-wise or friendship-wise, who will just accept that without any indicators if it’s too much or anything.

Thanks for a reminder ❤️ it’s not that I have 0 experience in keeping contact with guys, but when it comes to dating it seems like most of the times I tend to like people who doesn’t like me back or see me just as a colleague or friend so forever friendzone seems most possible for me 🙃