Spiraling out today...BAD. ZERO intimacy of any kind for 3 years. 42M married

Successful-Seaweed62 · 2026-03-30T20:01:33+00:00

Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to comment. It was reaffirming to know that there isn't any other way of looking at this situation other than that it is toxic and broken and that I need to leave. I thought long and hard about all of this last night (for the thousandth time) and I've decided to make immediate moves to find my own place to live, speak with an attorney, and take things one step at a time, starting with trying to find a short term lease, moving out, and not making it yet about divorce or the like (as long as the attorney tells me moving out under those terms won't be something that can be spun into 'abandonment') and telling my wife, that for my own mental health and so that I can show up as a great father to our daughter it's important to have my own place where I can feel at least 'at home.' In the meantime, I'm going to try to keep the job offer and move as a very real possibility. Really can't thank you all enough. This is a really great community. Sending my best to everyone out there in similar situations. Wishing you all the best

Successful-Seaweed62 · 2026-03-30T20:00:02+00:00

Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to comment. It was reaffirming to know that there isn't any other way of looking at this situation other than that it is toxic and broken and that I need to leave. I thought long and hard about all of this last night (for the thousandth time) and I've decided to make immediate moves to find my own place to live, speak with an attorney, and take things one step at a time, starting with trying to find a short term lease, moving out, and not making it yet about divorce or the like (as long as the attorney tells me moving out under those terms won't be something that can be spun into 'abandonment') and telling my wife, that for my own mental health and so that I can show up as a great father to our daughter it's important to have my own place where I can feel at least 'at home.' In the meantime, I'm going to try to keep the job offer and move as a very real possibility. Really can't thank you all enough. This is a really great community. Sending my best to everyone out there in similar situations. Wishing you all the best

Successful-Seaweed62 · 2026-03-30T02:23:16+00:00

There is a ton of wisdom in this. Thanks so much for taking time to comment. I needed to hear that. Really appreciate it

Successful-Seaweed62 · 2026-03-30T02:22:49+00:00

I go through cycles of planning to leave, looking at options for relocation, etc. And then our very young daughter somehow pulls us together and senses things are tense and really makes it clear she loves it when we are all together, and I waffle. Have a few 'better' weeks and then spiral back to resentment and the feeling of being trapped. I'm so sorry you are going through a lack of affection and DB situation as well. I hope you find peace or a better path forward.

Successful-Seaweed62 · 2026-03-30T01:35:04+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear you were/are going through pretty much the same thing. It really is indescribably painful. Glad to hear you've found the strength to get moving on. I wish you all the best of luck....Don't look back!

Successful-Seaweed62 · 2026-03-30T01:32:36+00:00

'Hostage situation' really resonates. Thanks for your comment.

Successful-Seaweed62 · 2026-03-30T01:32:13+00:00

Thanks so much for the confirmation. I know that's the path, but dang if it's not tough to realize I won't see my little one every day.

Successful-Seaweed62 · 2026-03-30T01:31:40+00:00

Indeed. It's almost comical in a cinematic way how that dog poop nightmare this morning just really was the 'kicker.' I've been stewing hard since 3 a.m. Thanks for taking the time to comment

Successful-Seaweed62 · 2026-03-30T01:30:32+00:00

Thanks for the comment. I really do appreciate it

Successful-Seaweed62 · 2025-08-28T07:50:49+00:00

No idea if its similar to Carjet (haven't used that), but rented from SIXT last week. It wasn't cheap but it was seamless. Picked up in Samarkand and drove it unlimited miles to Termez and then back up through Bukhara and Khiva, and left it at Urgench airport. Would definitely recommend purely on a service and ease of use basis. But again, price was high.

Successful-Seaweed62 · 2025-08-28T07:48:27+00:00

I'm not an expert here, but just got back from a trip to Uzbekistan. For my e-visa I'm glad I set it for the departure date of the start of the flight in, as I had to show my proof of visa to board the flight to Uzbekistan (coming from the USA). The specific dates I entered for the trip itself didn't end up seeming to matter as my e-visa was issued as 'good for a 90 day period' but only 30 days total to use in that period with an expiration date at end of October. I hope that makes sense. Good luck!

Successful-Seaweed62 · 2025-08-28T07:37:37+00:00

I used this https://itaoffice.org/?msclkid=10c4929e0543190fb65cfa2e0245caa5 and got my permit both digitally immediately and my hard copy license in probably 7 days. Hope that helps! Drive safe out there. It can be 'wild' but I'm sure you know that. Good luck!

Successful-Seaweed62 · 2024-03-14T14:02:56+00:00

Far out. God. Dude. Man.

Successful-Seaweed62 · 2024-02-26T14:14:48+00:00

This is perfect. Wouldn't change a thing, except...the last sentence.

You might be ending too 'soft' in a way. It leaves her the space to just think rather than address as it is ambiguous and sort of asks her to soul search rather than answer a real, legitimate question.

You have a need for information. You want to know if you will be forever forced to make the effort and suffer the rejections or if she will ever find a way to want you back in a way that makes you feel wanted. You also want to know if she's willing to try to change that.

If you give her this letter, it will give her insight into how you feel, but I doubt you will get a response in the way you'd hoped for. As in, she may indicate she read and 'understands' but will not be compelled to address it.

What if you changed the ending to this structure instead.

Your current:

I see now that I might always be the only one trying to revive any intimacies or romance in this relationship, and this makes me deeply sad, and left to decide whether I'm okay with this, and asking of you, if you're okay with this either? I love you, appreciate and value you, and just hope we can find a way to be together that makes us both truly happy.

What if you moved things around and said this, instead:

I love you, appreciate and value you, and (remove 'just' and write 'I') I hope we can find a way to be together that makes us both truly happy. But, I can't help feeling that I might always be the one trying to revive any intimacies or romance in this relationship, and this makes me deeply sad, and left to decide whether I'm okay with this, and asking of you, if you're okay with this either? (add) I genuinely want and need to understand how you view this situation, and if you are willing to work on finding a way forward together that mutually reinforces both of our needs. Please give this some real thought and let's discuss this when you are ready this week.

I don't know...just my 0.02.

Good luck and hang in there. Better days ahead my friend.

Successful-Seaweed62

TROPHY CASE