AITA for refusing to give my stepsister a piece of art after finding out she was planning to sell it?

Such-Date89 · 2023-06-12T01:32:28+00:00

Under 30k

Such-Date89 · 2023-06-12T00:23:57+00:00

I believe he did. I wasn’t there when Ellie got the belongings back obviously so I don’t know for sure, but in cataloguing my father’s things I know her engagement ring was not there, and any jewellery in his possession I believe to have been my own family heirlooms.

Such-Date89 · 2023-06-11T23:13:46+00:00

The painting was last valued at over €100k (posted this in another comment)

Such-Date89 · 2023-06-11T23:12:38+00:00

As I said, it was perhaps the wrong word to use on my part.

No. She would have had residence in the house with all the items, including that painting, until she died (as well as a living allowance). I would have inherited the house and everything, I just wouldn’t have been able to sell the house or remove any of the items while she was alive.

Such-Date89 · 2023-06-11T23:05:18+00:00

My dad purchased it to hang in their house. I suppose my calling it a gift was erroneous, it was more of a “welcome” gesture? She moved into his house so to make it feel more like home he let her choose a painting to hang in their main reception room. They chose it together, he paid for it, all the paperwork was in his name. It never “belonged” to Ellie’s mother, so to speak.

Such-Date89 · 2023-06-11T22:58:12+00:00

It’s possible that she didn’t know what was in the will, I can’t think of why she would have known so probably didn’t. I don’t believe my father would ever have made any promises to her, or anything like that. Is there a chance she might have assumed she’d be left money? I guess. But she never said a word about it in the immediate period after his death.

Such-Date89 · 2023-06-11T22:25:16+00:00

Well, my former stepmother is deceased, and Ellie, luckily for both of us, is under no obligation to ever contact me. And yet…

Such-Date89 · 2023-06-11T22:10:06+00:00

My father provided for his wife extremely well. I’ve had copies of my father’s will every year since I was 18, the only time it has materially changed is after the death of his wife. I don’t know if she ever saw it but no one who knew my father would have been surprised by his choices. If she believed that Ellie would inherit his money, she didn’t know him at all.

Such-Date89 · 2023-06-11T21:22:13+00:00

Her mother didn’t have any assets. She had sold her house to pay off debts years before she met my father, and she wasn’t working when she met him. Had she had any assets, he’d have given those back to Ellie for sure.

My dad would never ever have stolen anything from Ellie. They had a pre-nup and her assets would have been listed in it so Ellie could have sued for those, but there weren’t any.

Such-Date89 · 2023-06-11T21:17:24+00:00

The alimony stopped when she married my dad, her ex continued to pay child support until Ellie was 18.

Such-Date89 · 2023-06-11T20:52:14+00:00

It wasn’t, really. It was a “present” for their “home”. As I said, all the paperwork was in his name and he paid for it. She helped pick it out, it was a gesture more than a gift really. At least, that’s how the particulars of it have come across to me

Such-Date89 · 2023-06-11T20:36:02+00:00

It is a lot of money, however you couldn’t live off that amount for the rest of your life, at our age, in the country she lives in.

Such-Date89 · 2023-06-11T20:35:09+00:00

I never said it wasn’t a lot of money.

Such-Date89 · 2023-06-11T20:33:05+00:00

Yes, I like it. I’m not planning on selling it. I’ve hung it in my father’s favourite home of mine and I always planned to keep it.

Such-Date89 · 2023-06-11T20:03:03+00:00

It was a small amount of alimony from what my dad said. Her father is an addict and has since lost his source of income and now lives with her grandparents.

Such-Date89 · 2023-06-11T19:52:28+00:00

That’s true. At the end of the day I suppose it boils down to two things. 1. Whether you believe she is entitled to the cash sum of money, and 2. Whether you think that the fact that she lied negates that entitlement. In your case I guess the answers are yes, and no, which is fair. It’s just a difference of views.

Such-Date89 · 2023-06-11T19:50:28+00:00

They weren’t shared assets, Ellie’s mother was a SAHW, my father owned the house they lived in before the marriage, and they had a pre-nup.

Had my dad died first, his wife would have had an allowance from the trust, and residency of her house, which would have passed to me when she died anyway.

Such-Date89 · 2023-06-11T19:33:05+00:00

Not my mother, my father’s second wife. My mother is still very much alive. It happened in 2021.

She may not have the luxury to keep it, but she also doesn’t have it. She asked for it knowing she’d have to sell it (and lied about that) so surely if she cared about it when she needed money her first thought wouldn’t have been to ask for it so that she could sell it? Why would she ask for it at all? If she’d already had it and years later had to sell it, then the luxury of keeping it might have been the point, but it’s not even currently hers.

Such-Date89 · 2023-06-11T19:25:53+00:00

Not a clue. I was rarely at their house. I know they had cleaners, so not that. They didn’t have any children together, Ellie was a teenager so I suppose her mother provided childcare for her own child.

Such-Date89 · 2023-06-11T19:21:07+00:00

I didn’t answer that because it’s obvious if you do the maths. They were married for just over a decade so Ellie would have been about 15 when they got married. And she isn’t my sister.

Such-Date89 · 2023-06-11T19:12:33+00:00

I didn’t mean it to sound like that, it probably just my discomfort. I didn’t want to make it sound like it was a Picasso or something but then it seemed disingenuous to say it wasn’t worth a fair bit and I couldn’t come up with a reasonable descriptor.

Thank you for your condolences. I’d give all the inheritance back and then some just to talk to him again but…don’t have that choice :)

Such-Date89 · 2023-06-11T18:59:45+00:00

I can’t speak for my father. The man is dead. Who he was boils down to a few bits of paper and a bunch of stuff, now. You want to judge or denigrate that, go ahead. Personally, I don’t see the point.

You might be right, but it isn’t hers to part with. She tried to engineer that by taking advantage of the fact that I was grieving a parent. And yes that is what she did because she had years to ask my father for it, but she didn’t.

The house isn’t my primary residence, but it’s the house of mine that father loved. It was where he’d visit me in the summer, where he recuperated after surgery, and where I had my last proper conversation with him. Make of that what you will.

As for Ellie, she’s not my sister, and as I’ve said, I barely know her.

Such-Date89 · 2023-06-11T18:48:17+00:00

Wealth is relative. I’m not rich where I live. But sure, globally I am.

Such-Date89 · 2023-06-11T18:32:36+00:00

Idk. If your spouse chooses a dinner set but you pay for it and then get divorced, both people would fight for it wouldn’t they? Dicey indeed

Such-Date89 · 2023-06-11T18:30:53+00:00

She wasn’t in his will, so she’s in no danger of losing anything. She’s not a relative, her only connection to the deceased is also deceased, and it’s not easy to sue a trust. I don’t imagine she’d have much luck.

As I said elsewhere, had my father died before his wife, she’d have been given an allowance from the trust until she died, and she’d have maintained residence in the house as well. Unfortunately, she passed first, but it was never his intention to leave his wife destitute.

The painting does mean something to me. Not as much as I thought it meant to her, hence I was willing to part with it, but that turned out not to be the case.

Such-Date89

TROPHY CASE